as salaam Alaykum,

 

Thank you for writing to our live session.  I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through.  You have been through a lot, repented and are now trying to live the life that Allah has commanded.  Sister, I am a bit confused, as I understand it you have a boyfriend now whom you have done haram things in the past with?  And now he is asking you and obsessing over your past when he himself has done haram acts with you?  I would kindly suggest that you leave this boy and just stop talking to him.  I know it is not what you want to hear but as you now-the first thing is that as a Muslim you are not supposed to have a boyfriend.  Secondly, this boy seems as if he will never let you be in peace even if you did marry him.  It seems (and Allah forgive me if I am wrong) that he will never rest and will always make your life miserable by questioning your past.  The thing about this is, he himself has a haram past however he still feels he can judge you, make you feel bad and threaten not to marry you.  This is not one who has mercy or kindness sister.  Do you really want a future husband who is like this?  Please do think hard on this.

 

As far as revealing your past, if you have truly repented to Allah for your sins and asked for forgiveness, Allah has forgiven you sister and covered your sins. When Allah covers our sins we are not to keep talking about them, revealing them and pondering on them.  It I like we still have one hand on our sins, not willing to let go. It’s like we don’t trust Allah’s forgiveness and mercy.  Our sins sister are between us and Allah, no one else.  I encourage you to trust in these blessings from our Creator, who loves us very much and do not divulge what Allah in his mercy has covered.

 

As far as the other people saying things about you, while I know it hurts, I would kindly recommend that you just get rid of the whole lot of bad, negative people in your life., your “boyfriend” included.  These people do not mean you any good, in fact, it sounds as if they are trying to destroy you.  Sister,. You are starting a new life in Islam.  I would suggest that you surround yourself with righteous Muslim sisters and continue to focus on your relationship with Allah as well as continuing to build yourself up in Islam.  Allah loves you sister but the shaitan would love to see you fall again or be depressed or feel anxiety because of these cruel and mean people.  You are a pious, beautiful young Muslima now and I suggest that you leave this boy in the past as he does not mean you any good, and you deserve to be happy, loved, cherished by a future Muslim husband who isn’t so concerned with your past but is indeed concerned with who you are now because that is what truly matters.

 

Insha’Allah you will realize that this boy cannot bring you peace and happiness.  He is a stumbling block sister.  Insha’Allah you will consider your growth, changes and realize that your path to Allah and to having a happy life insha’Allah, is one that is filled with positive and upbuilding Muslims.  Not ones ready to tear you down or bring up your past. Everyone has a past, but it is just that-a past.  We are now in the present, moving towards the future.  Please do insha’Allah ask yourself, what kind of people do you want to bring with you in your future and will they benefit you Islamically?

 

I am confident you will make the right decision sister inshaAllah.  You are in our prayers, we wish you the best.