As salamu alaykum dear sister,

 

Thank you for writing to our live session.  As I understand, a guy likes you and you state you do not like him or love him as you feel it is wrong to feel love towards someone before marriage. Sister, while feelings concerning this are neither right nor wrong as they are your feelings, it also can be-for some-that they have a love for each other which is in a halal way and for this reason they wish to get married.  Feeling love for someone can develop from watching them in the community or being in a social gathering and observing their morality, their cheerfulness, or their love of helping others.  It is a good thing.  With that said, it sounds as if you may already feel a love for this guy or you wouldn’t be in a dilemma as to whether or not to wait for him for 6 years, or wondering how to tell your father.  Additionally, you did state “Although he is a nice guy and he understands me well. I don’t have any objection to marrying him if he asks my father” which may be indicative that deep down, you really do have feelings for him,  even though perhaps you are not willing or ready to admit even to yourself.

 

Let’s just say you do not love him, you like him and feel he is an okay person.  Perhaps you are not feeling him like that-meaning-you are not attracted to his appearance, character, nor his Islamic attributes.  Perhaps he needs to stay in the “friend zone” which means that he is not a potential mate.  If so, you must literally cut off all communication with him, sister, and not lead him on.  If he is truly a friend zone type of guy to you, he does need to know this and the way you can get through to him is by not conversating with him at all because if you do continue to lead him on, it is haram as it is deceptive.  Additionally being alone with a guy and talking in this type of context could lead to haram and as you know is not permissible.  By being honest with yourself and him will insha’Allah save you both from much pain and disappointment now and in the future.

 

If on the other hand, if you truly respect this guy, find him attractive, of good conduct and morality and Islamic principles and you feel like he is someone you would like to build a life with, then you should take another route insha’Allah.  In this case, I would kindly suggest that you do not put off marriage but rather tell him you would like to marry but that you would like to do so before 6 years.  Six years is a long time sister and a lot could happen in those years.  It is not fair to either of you.   Insha’Allah if he hases, have him speak with your parents about marriage and ways in which you both could make it work despite his current financial status.  While it is strongly recommended and even often required that the future husband be able to support his wife, there are instances wherein young people have gotten married while in college or pursing jobs.  This acts as a protection for both.   On a side note, concerning the dowry, you stated “he doesn’t even want a dowry”.  Actually sister, in Islam the dowry or mahr, is something that the man gives the woman as part of the marriage contract.  You or your family do not give a dowry to him.

 

Aboutislam states “This blessed marital union, known in Islam as nikah, has a few essential components, without which it is not considered complete. One of these is the payment of the mahr or dowry, which is an amount of wealth that the husband pays to his wife.  Paying this mahr is obligatory, because Allah has called it “fareedah” in the Quran and commanded Muslim men to pay it “happily” to their wives”.   As there seems to be some contradiction about who pays dowry,  I do encourage you both to study Islam further in regards to marriage so that if you decide to marry it will be an Islamically correct marriage.

 

Sister, please do take some time to sort out your feelings regarding this guy.  Please try to be honest with yourself about how you truly feel.  This will help you in your decision moving forward.  If there are truly no feelings for him, please by all means cut off communication.  If there are feelings for him that are like love, insha’Allah take the steps towards  preparing for marriage with your parents as a guide.  We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers.