Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

 

It is heartbreaking to see your child suffering and difficult when they take it all out on you. On the one hand, you love him very much, but at the same time, it makes you angry that you have to bear the burden of his pain as he blames it on you.

 

Of course, it is important to support him, but at the same time he also needs to know that he cannot control you like this and must respect you.

 

To help yourself psychologically manage this from one perspective, remember that as his mum, he knows that you love him unconditionally and no matter how he treats you and disrespects you, you will always be there. Whilst this is reassuring to him, you should understand that this is probably why he takes it all out on you and not others such as his friends as they are more likely to abandon him should he take it out In them as the love between them is not unconditional like between a child and his mum.

 

Hopefully, understanding it this way will make you feel less of a target as you understand the reasons behind why he takes it out on you.

 

However, this does not make his behavior acceptable. It is disrespectful. If you continue to allow him to treat you like this he will think it is ok and will continue and maybe even go on to treat others this way too. For his sake and your own, your should try and stop this behavior.

 

He needs to learn to take responsibility for his behavior and not blame it on others. You can help him with this by taking each incident as it occurs and spends time with him working through it. You can do this by discussing openly, and even writing down or drawing a diagram. Perhaps put the incident in a bubble in the middle and brainstorm reasons why this could have happened.

 

Help him to identify the mat likely reason by going through each of these possibilities and identifying reasons why or why not this could be responsible for the incident. This will help him to see mentally and/or visually what is the mat likely reason for the incident. It will further encourage flexibility in his thinking when events occur again in the future.

 

May Allah ease your difficulties and guide your son o the straight path. May He make him the coolness of your eyes.