Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh dear sister,

 

The first thing you need to know in your situation is that you are not to blame for all this and the way your mother is treating you is entirely unacceptable. Yes, she is your mother and Islamically you should hold her in high regard, but this does not mean that you should sit back and passively endure such abuse. We are supposed to obey our parents, but when they are behaving unislamically like this you are not obliged to obey her.

 

However, understandably, you also love your mother and want to find a better way to deal with your scenario. Islam teaches us a number of things about how to deal with oppression, that you could use to make your situation easier.

 

As her child, she knows that you love her unconditionally and that is why you continue to endure such abuse. This makes you an easy target for her anger, but it also does not make her behavior ok. Unfortunately for you, in this situation you become an easy target for her anger because unlike most others, you stick around and endure it, allowing her to vent her anger towards you. What you might consider doing is finding someone else close to you such as another family member who you can spend some time within the meantime. This will give you the space to have time away from the abuse as well as giving her the space to miss you and appreciate you. This will also give her the chance to find alternative ways to manage her anger as you will not be around to be her target.

 

Islam teaches us to repel evil with better, and certainly, you should respect her but her behavior is not ok, so at the very least the best response you can give to aggressive behavior is to say nothing in response to her immediate action. The fact is, it seems like she needs some help in overcoming her anger problem. Saying nothing about it, in the long run, will not be of use to either of you as you will continue to be abused and she will continue to use unislamic ways to manage her feelings. Perhaps something has happened in her life that is causing her to harbor such anger. In which case she really needs to seek counselling for this. This will help her to overcome the emotional side of things as well as learning more appropriate ways to deal with her anger. It might be that you approach your local imam, or ask someone who can do so on your behalf to have a talk with her about what she is doing. He will be able to advise her on the best ways she can manage herself. It will also be comforting to you to know that someone else is aware of the situation. She may also feel less inclined to behave aggressively knowing that someone else knows about her unacceptable behavior.

 

In the meantime, continue to pray that Allah softens her heart. Find comfort in the remembrance of Allah and be confident that He can change her heart for the better. Be a good role model to her by openly practicing Islam in front of her which may also work to soften her heart. During times where she is not behaving angrily, be kind to her, as difficult as this may be also, but behaving kindly towards her, again, might be a way to soften her heart. People generally find it difficult to behave aggressively towards those who are kind to us. Again, this does not excuse her behavior at all but might be a way to improve relations between you amongst the other points listed above.

 

May Allah reward your patience and bring you ease during these difficulties. May He soften the heart of your mother and improve relations between you.