Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

This certainly is a very difficult situation that you have faced. After having been married for many years you found out that your husband what an entirely secret other life,  married with kids and that his family never knew about you. The circumstances of your living arrangements meant that you were completely unaware of all this, and as a good wife, upon hearing the devastating news you trusted that he would fix things. Unfortunately, he never did and has since returned to Allah. Inna lilahi wa inna illayhi rajioon. Now you are facing the devastation of not dealing with the fact that he betrayed you for many years, but are now are also grieving his death also.

Firstly, take things easy on yourself. You have been through a tough time and are mourning the loss of your husband also. It is important during this time to take good care o yourself and find solace in the remembrance of Allah.  Spend time with loved ones who will be able to support you through this difficult time. Take some time to also do things that you enjoy to key our mind occupied and away from emotionally punishing yourself. Try taking up a new hobby also or learn something new. Focus on achieving some positive things. You gave 8 years of your life to support your marriage, now use this time to focus on yourself.

To calm your anxieties regarding your concerns about how Allah will question you, there are a few important things to remember. Allah is the ultimate judge. Allah will not judge you for what you didn’t know. As a good wife, you trusted your husband. Especially since he promised by an oath on Allah, astaghfirullah. In this case, you did nothing wrong. It is your husband that will be judged for swearing by Allah on a lie. You did as any good Allah fearing wife would and trusted his words for the sake of Allah. It is unfortunate that others are placing any blame on you, especially when you are going through so much already, but again, remember Allah is the only judge in this matter and their perspective will not be relevant when it matters the most. Instead,  focus on pleasing Allah and not others.

However, your husband is now gone and he can’t rectify his mistakes, so it is advised to try and forgive him and ask Allah for his forgiveness as you would hope for too. This will help to soften your heart to the wrong she did to you as well as ease your anxieties regarding how you will be questioned about the situation also. This will take time to overcome as grieving does naturally, but with patience and faith in Allah you will pull through successfully.

May Allah bring you ease during these testing times and may you find comfort in His remembrance.