Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

Masha Allah, you are seeking to marry a spouse and things seem to be going to plan, however, you do have concerns about whether it will work out.

As I am sure you aware, without passing judgment as a human being, but reminding you of Allah’s rules, contact between a man and woman, without your mahram present is not permissible as Shaytaan can interfere and create feelings between the 2 parties as you have experienced first hand. This includes contact online, as much as face to face and as I’m sure you can appreciate can potentially have devastating consequences. Understand that Allah create such boundaries for a reason, for our protection and we should trust the wisdom in this and abide by this in order to please Him.

However, you have done the right thing in consulting both families and seeking their support and have set strict and halal rules of no dating or seeing each other and for the sake of pleasing Allah it is highly advisable that you abide by these rules, extending this to online contact also, save when your mahram is present until you are able to get married. This is not only for the purpose of obeying Allah and pleasing Him and guiding you to Jannah, but also, if you truly care for this man and desire Jannah for him also, then for his sake, you will also avoid haram contact at this point. Having your families support at this point will be a huge assistance in helping you to stick to these rules and forward in a more acceptable way.

You have also done the right thing in making istikhara to be sure if what you are doing is the right thing. Be assured that if Allah says it is not to be that He will put obstacles in the way of the marriage moving forward and you should be content with this decision that He has better plans for you, as difficult as that may be to accept now after 2 years of seeing each other. But, also understand that this may be for the best also given the circumstances under which you have started your relationship. Continue to pray istikhara and trust that Allah will make happen what is meant to be and will guide you on this path. Accept that this path is what is best for you; whether it is to marry him or not.

Another thing you should also do is ask for Allah’s forgiveness. The circumstances under which you have developed feelings for one another are not ok from an Islamic perspective and therefore it is important to repent of such sins. Allah loves to forgive and answer the prayers of those who call upon Him. Part of repenting will also include ensuring that you don’t fall into the same sin again which is done by abstaining from any haram contact with this man whilst you are not married.

Asking for forgiveness and developing a trust of Allah by continuing to pray istikhara will help to ease your anxieties around the whole issue also as your connection with Allah will help to relax your concerns about things working out as you will find contentment with whatever He has decreed for you.

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes and bring you happiness in this life and the next.