As salamu alaykum brother,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session.  I am sorry to hear that the one you desire to marry only see’s you as a friend.  Marriage in fact, should be based on a good friendship!  You both have know each other a long time and appear to be close.  Sadly, this often happens when two people start off as friends-and one or the other cannot switch out of friends mode, thus the idea of marriage would be a strange concept .  This happens sometimes in work and university situations wherein a friendship forms based on shared school work or employment tasks , no intention of marriage is said, nor does any haram come to mind.  In situations such as these wherein the limits were already set to friendship, it is often if not nearly impossible to switch to a romantic mode which is needed for marriage.  By stating ‘Romantic” I mean the attraction one see’s when looking at someone and feeling this is someone who looks nice, let me inquire as to their character, their Islam as well as our commonalities for marriage.  A close friend once said to me “Why don’t you marry (insert name)”.  I was shocked and stated, wow, we have been friends/co-workers for almost 10 years, he is like a brother to me-that would feel too strange.”  Now it wasn’t because he wasn’t attractive-he was.  He was also intelligent and a pious Muslim.  However our “relationship” was one which started as friendship/co-worker and over the course of 10 years, in my mind that is how I saw him-my co-worker-friend-brother in Islam, and there was no way I could change how I felt.  Now, had I met him initially for purposes of marriage,  things might have turned out different.  However, that was not how my mind was thinking for 10 years.

My suggestions for you brother are to feel blessed for having such a good friend.  They are often hard to come by.  Also, do not take her rejection personal, you both have had a halal friendship for 10 years, for her to reverse her mind to look at you as a potential suitor may be difficult at this point.  Just know that as she already expressed she views you as a friend, she will not likely change her mind as it has been kind of programmed that way.  Accept your position as friend and look for a wife elsewhere.  Had you met under different circumstances, it may have turned out differently but Allah had other plans.  Because of this friendship you also seemed to have strengthen your worship and Islam as you stated you started praying 5 times a day wherein you did not before.  Perhaps Allah brought this friendship to you for exactly that reason.  Your prayer and your relationship with Allah swt is the most important relationship in your life that you will ever have.  So even if she see’s you as “just” a friend, what a blessing that is indeed because it brought you your life back-literally.  It brought you back closer to your Creator.

With that said dear brother, I encourage you to keep seeking Allah, continue actively practicing Islam and seeking His guidance.  You were given a blessing, please do not lose it because you are hurt she does not want to marry.  Continue to value the friendship on halal terms, and seek out interests for marriage elsewhere.   Instead of focusing on her and worrying about her in Dubai, start to engage more socially, meet new brothers at your Masjid and go out for enjoyable times along for worship.  In time, these activities will take your mind off of her and insha’Allah, Allah will place the wife he has for you in your life.  However, you will have to let go of the feelings of love for your friend as Allah will want you to feel love for your wife, not another.  With time, prayer and iman, you will succeed at this brother.   You are in our prayers, we wish you the best.