Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

The protection of marriage can certainly throw up many difficulties even before any marriage has actually taken place. In your case, you are concerned that the delay means that perhaps your suitor is not actually serious as he is yet to make any forward movements towards pursuing marriage. As a result, you are now wondering if you should even trust him anymore or just move on

 

The first thing to consider is that it is not necessary for you to have graduated or for him to have established a stable home before you get married. Marriage is a highly valued institution in Islam and is why it is very much encouraged, even at a younger age. It serves as a great protection and the longer you leave it, the more likely you are to fall into sin of seeking haram relationships to have you needs met. These needs can be appropriately met through marriage. Whilst it might be ideal to be settled financially before marriage it is not essential. There is nothing to stop you from studying just because you are married.

 

In the mean time, any contact between the 2 of you outside of marriage is more likely to lead you to haram relations or to develop stronger feelings for one another that will be more difficult to.break if this marriage should not eventually go through. These are the kind of points that you can make clear to your potential spouse and ask him to consider these things for the sake of yours and his dignity and relationship with Allah.

 

What you might do is set a time scale to give him to speak up and make the proposal. This might be something that you actually tell him or a timescale that you just keep in mind, for example, 6 months. If he has still failed to move forward by the time this period is over then you might consider moving on. Pick a time scale that you feel you can be patient to wait, but that is not long enough that you might risk developing feeling so strong that you might end up heartbroken.

 

If he makes the move then alhamdulilah, and if he does not then remember that there are plenty of other good men out there also that you can marry. Have confidence that if it doesn’t happen then there is someone else out there who is better for you and that there is a reason why this particular proposal did not move forward.

 

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes and will bring you happiness in this life and the next.