Answer
Wa `alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear brother, thank you for your question which we highly appreciate as it shows your interest to well understand the hadiths of our Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him).
In this hadith the Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) meant to stress a crucial point which is: even as men and women are equal partners, there are some basic differences between them due to their different roles.
Therefore, a husband is required to give due care to this point while treating his wife making the best use of her nature.
There is also a metaphor in the hadith which is: if you have dry curved stick, you should benefit from it as it is, without trying to straighten it as it would surely be broken. Likewise, if you want to completely subdue the wife to your will, she will totally resist that; the more you increase in forcing her, the more she will reject till the relation between you both would be broken.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states,
The creation of Adam and Hawwa’ belongs to the realm of unseen realities of which we have no real knowledge; as such, we are to refer it to Allah, Who Alone knows the mysteries of heavens and earth as well as the creation of man. Allah says, “I did not make them witnesses of the creation of the heavens and the earth, nor of the creation of their own souls; nor could I take those who lead [others] astray for aiders.” (Al-Kahf: 18: 51)
The Qur’an reiterates, throughout, that all of humanity has been created from as single soul. Likewise, man and woman have been created from a single soul (see for example, Qur’an: 4:1; 6:98; 7:189; 39:6). The Qur’an, while stressing their identical origin, also categorically states that they are equally responsible for their actions, without any difference whatsoever (see Qur’an: 3: 195; 4:124; 16:97; 40:40).
However, the Qur’an does not (go beyond that to) elaborate on the mystery of creation of man. Therefore, this knowledge belongs to the divine realm; so, we cannot speak about it authoritatively, in the absence of clear and decisive texts.
The prophet’s statement you referred to above is not intended to expose this mystery; it is, rather, meant to stress a crucial point: Even as men and women are equal partners, there are some basic differences between them because of their different roles.
Therefore, a man ought to recognize these differences and treat a woman, accordingly. Women, for instance, have been endowed with greater love and affection- thanks to her role as a nurturer and care giver, which is coming from Allah, Who Alone is All-Merciful. The Prophet thus orders men to recognize these differences in their wives, and treat them, accordingly, with extra kindness.
So, the hadith is not intended to explain the mystery of creation of man and woman; rather it is meant to stress man’s responsibility to treat his wife compassionately. This is a theme that is reiterated in the Qur’an: Allah says, “But consort with them in kindness…” (An-Nisaa’ 4:19) Even in the event of a divorce, man has been ordered to do so with benevolence (Al-Baqarah 2: 229). The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The best of you is the one who is most loving to his wife.” (At-Tirmidhi).
Allah Almighty knows best.