Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam sister,

 

In the teenage years, we become more vulnerable to overstepping such limits due to hormones and curiosity. Unfortunately, many people, like you, go ahead and do so much which they regret later in life for a number of reasons. The most important thing here is that you do feel bad about it because you now know that this was not an acceptable behaviour. Whilst you can’t go back and change what has happened, you can sincerely repent to Allah (swt) and, as we know, He (swt) will forgive everything, in sha’ Allah, as long as you repent with full sincerity and do not repeat the act again. The negative feelings you have towards the events that took place should also help you to stay clear of such again. It is this level of repentance that makes you a good person and puts you in a good position to be a good wife in the future.

 

Your family are wise to be against the idea that you move forward with a marriage to him since the relationship was built on a haram relationship and, therefore, they likely fear the risk of the way such a relationship would continue. So, take time to think of it from their perspective, too. They are able to view the situation from more rational eyes that is not distorted by any feelings towards this man. Naturally, after having such an intimate relationship with him, you will have the desire to take it further and marry him, but your family are able to see the dangers of this from a view that does have the same kind of emotional attachment to this man that you do.

 

The guilt of your actions may continue to bother you for some time, especially if you remain in the mind set that you will be cheating your future husband, but you do have the chance to make things right again by repenting. It is up to you if you disclose these past events to you future husband. It is for you to weigh up if you would rather disclose your past and risk causing hard feelings for him towards you because of it, but feel comfortable that you have been open about your past. Or maybe you do not disclose it and risk the continued burden of guilt, but be comfortable knowing that he doesn’t know the bad parts of your past. Islamically, you are under no obligation, but is something for you to think about when the time comes.

 

For now, the most important is to remain repentant for your past actions, be content and confident in Allah’s (swt) mercy and do all you can to ensure it doesn’t happen again by avoiding situations where there is potential for it to happen again.

 

May Allah (swt) forgive you and grant you a good spouse who will bring you happiness and comfort in your life.

 

Salam,