Every time he is upset he tells me that I am a bad Muslim. That i have bad character and that his curse is on me. He reminds me that Allah will not accept any of my ibbadah while my husband's curse is on me.
As there is nothing I can do or say that will please my husband, is Allah's mercy withheld from me?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- What you are experiencing is a form of oppression, making you doubt yourself, your faith, your sincerity, and your relationship with Allah through gaslighting and threats. This is not Islam, but spiritual abuse, where religion is misused to justify control, dominance, and harm.
- Seek support, a trusted person, a counselor, or a professional, so you can better understand your situation and explore your options in the long term. You deserve a relationship that is healthy, safe, and respectful, not one that is built on fear and control.
Assalamualaikum sister,
Thank you for your letter. You mentioned that your husband shows narcissistic behavior and blames you for everything. He tells you that you are a bad Muslim and claims that Allah will not accept your worship as long as he, as your husband, is displeased with you. This leaves you feeling afraid and confused about deserving Allah’s mercy or not.
Sister, I am really sorry for this situation. First of all, if you have observed these traits in your husband, you may know that they range from narcissistic tendencies to, in more severe cases, narcissistic personality disorder. Unfortunately, the more severe end of this spectrum is very difficult to change.
Narcissitic and spiritual abuse
If you have already started learning about narcissism—how it works, how it manifests, and how people with these traits behave—you may recognize certain patterns. What you described, such as calling you a bad Muslim and telling you that Allah will not accept your worship, are forms of psychological abuse. These are manipulation tactics used to control you, put you down, and instill fear and dependency in you.
What you are experiencing is a form of oppression, making you doubt yourself, your faith, your sincerity, and your relationship with Allah through gaslighting and threats.
From a religious and spiritual perspective, these statements are completely false. This is not Islam, but spiritual abuse, where religion is misused to justify control, dominance, and harm.
I strongly encourage you to continue learning about these psychological manipulation techniques. Recognize them, protect yourself, and avoid internalizing these harmful statements because they can have devastating effect on your health. There are books, articles, or reliable online resources such as YouTube lectures and talks.
It is unacceptable
I also want to remind you that while marriage is important, it is not unbreakable. I do not fully know your circumstances or options. However, you need to understand that psychological abuse is still abuse, and it is not acceptable. It can be very damaging to both your mental health and your soul.
If possible, please seek support. A trusted person, a counselor, or a professional, to better understand your situation and explore your options in the long term. You deserve a relationship that is healthy, safe, and respectful, not one that is built on fear and control.
If this situation is causing you to question your worth or your faith, then it is important to consider taking steps as soon as possible.
May Allah make things easy for you and guide you to what is best for your well-being and your faith.
