Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Marriage Counseling Q/A on Divorce and Neglected Duties & Rights

Dear brothers and sisters,

Thanks for sending your inquiries about marriage and relationships.

Check out the 8 questions our counselor just answered. Didn’t see yours? No worries! Join our next session or resubmit your question for another chance to get advice. Stay tuned for more!


Question 1. Marriage

I want to marry someone and my parents want me to marry someone else 

I can’t take a decision as I think whatever decision I take I will always be guilty of not choosing the other option 

Assalamualaikum sister,

Thank you for your question. It’s very brief. You say that you want to marry someone, but your parents want you to marry someone else. You feel unable to make a decision, as you believe that whatever decision you make, you will always feel guilty for not choosing the other option.

My answer will also be very brief, inshallah.

There is no such thing as a purely “good” or “bad” decision. Think about the fact that everything you are going to do in this life has already been written—it has been destined for you. If you believe in Allah and in His Qadr (divine decree), then actually every major decision you take is based on your destiny, and on the choice that Allah has made for you in order to fulfill your purpose in this life.

Every struggle that will happen, will happen for a reason—every joy, every challenge, every moment of suffering.

So in this sense, there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” path, and there is no need to feel guilty about what “should have” happened—because there is no “should have” in destiny. Allah already knows what you are going to choose, and technically speaking, you cannot choose something that was not written for you.

When making a decision, you need to truly reflect on what you would like to do—what your heart, your gut feeling, and your intentions are telling you is best for you. Ask yourself: which decision will help me fulfill my life purpose? Which decision will bring me closer to Allah? Which path will help me grow—in my faith, my personality, and my psychological well-being?

Try to base your decision on these questions, inshallah.

KIndly note that your parents should seek your consent and involve you in the decision making. They should not marry you to someone you don’t want to marry. They can guide you, search for you, help you, but they should not force you against your will. These conversations about differences in opinion should be held with respect, understanding and care for each other’s needs. 

May Allah make it easy for you.

Question 2. Past Traumas and Relationships

I need help. I have done major sin years ago because I was born and brought up in a society where it is normalized. I repented once I realized the intensity of this sin. Few months ago, I got engaged. My fiancé asked me about my past and I told the truth since he said he needs to know me fully to trust me fully. Now he knows the truth and has been numb for weeks. I even did istikhaara to ask Allah if I should continue marrying this man or not but my answer was still a yes. Things were getting better very slowly, but I could see he used to get silent sometimes and hide his feelings which bothered me. The more I asked him to speak up, the more he argued that he wanted to battle his thoughts alone. Today he said that earlier he could visualize himself getting close to me easily but now, in his thoughts, he resists. He asked today if we could just be intimate when we want a baby and not before it. I feel like Allah is punishing me, even though I have repented. I even asked my fiance if he wanted to leave me but he denied, instead he always ensures checking on me and keeping in touch no matter how hurt he is. He still reassures me of his love, every now and then. I am unsure how to make things better between us now, please help.

Assalamualaikum sister,

Thank you for your question. Basically, your question is about your fiancé’s loss of trust. He asked you about your past, and you told him the truth. He said he needed to know in order to fully trust you, and now that he knows, he has been numb for weeks.

You did istikhara, and you still got the answer to seek marriage with him—to continue with the idea of getting married. You see him being silent sometimes, and this bothers you. You would like to talk to him, but he says he wants to battle his thoughts alone. He told you that he used to visualize himself getting close to you easily, but now, due to this, he resists. He asked today if you could just be intimate only when you want to have a baby, and not before that.

You asked him whether he would like to leave you, but he denied it. He’s still showing you his love, checking on you, and keeping in touch—no matter how hurt he is. You are unsure how to make things better between both of you.

So if I understand it well, sister, you are still not married—and this is very important.

Let’s put  it this way: your fiancé asked for sincerity, and his reason was to build trust. However, it seems to me that as a result of your sincerity, he has not developed trust, but rather the opposite. What does this say about him?

I want you to understand that this is not about you; it’s about his trust issues. And I want to emphasize that entering into a marriage with someone who has trust issues is a risky thing, sister, especially if he is unaware of that and does not commit to heal. 

Honesty, trust, and confidentiality should be based on respect, understanding, and our confidence in ourselves in how we handle the truth—whatever that truth may be. And it seems to me that he has issues with this confidence. 

Maybe, despite his good intentions—I’m not doubting those—it still seems he has trouble handling the truth about your past. And by the way, your past is not who you are. It’s a mistake you made, which you have repented for and moved on from. 

So, the fact that he is unable to trust you anymore based on something you did in the past is concerning.

Secondly, it also sounds strange to me that he asked for honesty in the name of trust, but does not trust you enough to share his thoughts with you in order to find solutions and talk things through. This should be mutual. If one person requires sincerity from you, he must be sincere with you as well.

Another concerning point is that he does not want to share his thoughts about the situation—probably because they are related to his fears. When he says “thoughts,” he is probably talking about fears. And of course, fears can be personal issues—but now we are talking about building trust in your future marriage.

Thirdly, the idea that he doesn’t want to be intimate with you except when trying for a baby is something that needs to be talked through. What are the reasons behind this? How does he imagine married life and commitment to duties and rights with this attitude? Would it not be better to face those issues that limit him, instead of hiding from them? 

Whatever the case may be—it’s not about you, sister.

Also, understanding this and taking the healing journey is something that is also beyond your control. Only Allah knows whether he is ready for being able to face issues and commit emotional healing. That entirely depends on him. What you can control is your decision of getting married in this context and with the current perspective. 

Please know that you did the right thing. You made mistakes in the past, you repented, you moved on, and now you are seeking a halal union. That is fine. You’re trying to commit yourself, and that’s also fine. You tried to be sincere—not to speak unnecessarily about sin—but with the intention (if I understand correctly) to build mutual trust in your marriage. 

So if your intentions were pure and clear, but this sincerity has now brought obstacles between you, that could also be a sign from Allah. Please reflect on these obstacles. Try to seek answers and consider the points I mentioned. And most importantly, do this before you get married—because before marriage, you can still change your mind. You can still decide whether you want to spend your life with someone who is struggling with certain issues. After marriage, it becomes much more complicated.

So think about the possibility that Allah has put you in this situation for a reason. Trust that He wants the best for you. And trust that if these struggles are coming up before the marriage, they are coming up for a good reason. 

It is okay to encourage him to take this healing journey and assure him about your support. He deserves compassion for the wounds he carries. But also, make sure that you get married to someone who “IS”, not someone who “CAN BE”. 

Please have the courage to find out what is the best path forward—what he is willing to do to be ready for marriage with full trust, full commitment, sincerity, and a desire to fulfill his rights and duties toward you, including regarding intimacy. 

He should also have excitement and hope about your future together—not fear and limitations.

May Allah make it easy for you.

Question 3. Seeking Guidance in Future

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

1. My Family Situation:

I was raised in a toxic and emotionally oppressive household. My father has severe anger issues and exhibits narcissistic and controlling behavior. He uses religion and culture to dominate us, especially the women. We are not allowed normal freedoms, my father himself is only at home and has no friends or family here, and my mother has suffered years of emotional harm. Because of cultural expectations and fear, she feels unable to seek a divorce. She believes my father would try to claim control over us, even though we are now adults. 

He often threatens to take us back to the home country, where my mother would have no protection or rights. Her only options would be to remain in an abusive marriage or lose her children. She sees no way out that does not involve severe personal cost. I have no trust in him. He has never truly cared for us, and he is unstable, unpredictable, and incapable of leading a healthy family life.

2. My Future and Marriage:

Because of everything I’ve seen and experienced, I have developed a deep rejection toward marrying someone from my cultural background. I have seen too much toxicity, not only in my own family but also in my community. I do not want to live a life in this environment, but my father has planned that we move to the home country in the next few years and get married there.

Recently, I met a man from a different cultural background who has a strong understanding of Islam and a sincere, responsible character. He wants to approach my family with the intention of marriage. I truly believe that this may be a blessing from Allah. However, I know with certainty that my father will reject him only because he is not from our culture. Worse, I fear he may respond with violence or punish me severely for even bringing it up and would want me to go back in his home country.

My mother advised me to forget him out of fear, saying I might find someone “appropriate” from our village once we move abroad. But I know in my heart that I cannot live like that. Every time I visit the home country, I feel like a stranger. I am deeply uncomfortable, emotionally distressed, and desperate to leave. My heart is completely closed to the culture. It brings me sadness and fear, not safety or belonging. If I am forced to live there, I know I will suffer emotionally and spiritually.

My questions are:

Islamically, how serious is it if my heart and mind both reject marriage within my culture due to real trauma and fear, and I have found someone outside the culture who is religious, kind, and responsible. Am I allowed to reject the idea of marrying someone from my own culture?

What are my rights if my father refuses this man purely based on culture and threatens or harms me, if my parents want to force a cultural match or threaten me with violence, disownment, or pressure — do I have Islamic grounds to seek a halal path without them?

Should I take the risk of telling my family, knowing that it may lead to punishment, emotional damage, or increased control?

And finally, what can be done from an Islamic perspective to help my mother, who feels trapped in fear, without any religious path out — only cultural shame?

Please advise me with honesty and compassion. I want to live in a way that pleases Allah, protects my dignity, and brings peace and justice to my mother and siblings as well.

Jazakum Allahu khayran for your time, your wisdom, and your care.

Was-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

Assalamualaikum sister,

Thank you for your letter, and I’m truly sorry for the situation. To be honest, this is not the first time I’ve heard something like this, and I know the struggle is completely real. Toxic family dynamics often go beyond the nuclear family and can even exist at an extended or cultural level. Sometimes, things are normalized that are not only un-Islamic but also toxic patterns that reinforce trauma and maladaptive behaviors.

So I understand your perceptions, your conclusions, and your intention to stay away from this in your life. 

However, I would like to point out that it would be very helpful for you to seek counseling—especially from a Muslim counselor who understands these cultural dynamics and can help you navigate them with sound advice. This can help you regain your strength, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate self-love and care, which can serve as a shield against toxic and manipulative behaviors.

Please note that I am not a scholar but a counselor. So there may be some questions you would prefer to ask a scholar. I will share a contact for that below.

Now, regarding your first question: How serious is it if your heart and mind both reject marriage within your culture due to real trauma and fear, and you have found someone outside your culture who is religious, kind, and responsible?

Islamically speaking, there is no such thing as a required cultural background for marriage. What truly matters is taqwa—having someone who is grounded in faith and religion, regardless of nationality, tribe, or ethnic background. Cultural expectations around marriage may exist, but they are not rooted in Islam.

So yes, you can reject the idea of marrying someone from your own culture on that basis. However, I would reframe the question: Are you allowed to reject marrying into a toxic dynamic, a traumatizing environment, or something harmful to your mental, emotional, and spiritual health? And the answer is: Yes, sister, you are.

While toxic dynamics can be widespread in a certain culture or society, they also exist elsewhere. On the other hand, there are people within your culture who have gone through deep healing and are now even helping others to heal. It’s not black and white. One culture isn’t entirely toxic while another is not. There are collective issues, but also individual journeys. These things are interconnected.

So the real question is: Are you allowed to reject marrying someone who exhibits toxic, manipulative, or narcissistic behavior? Yes—you are.

Now to your second question: Should you take the risk of telling your family, knowing it may lead to emotional punishment, harm, or increased control?

I totally understand that this is a huge struggle and you may feel trapped. But think about this: Allah created you with insight and a willingness not to continue harmful patterns. You seem to be the one—or one of the few—in your family who sees clearly what’s going on. That awareness is not by accident. It is happening for a reason, in shaa Allah, a good reason.

Please do seek counseling to support your healing and understanding. This process may help you find the answer to that difficult question as well.

What you can do for your mother is try to help her build self-awareness—awareness of unhealthy dynamics, how they shape us, how manipulative they can be, and what they are really about. This doesn’t necessarily mean she will leave her husband. Maybe she won’t be able to do that—I can’t say for sure. But even awareness can lead to radical acceptance of the situation. She may at least be able to emotionally distance herself and build boundaries that allow her to live a more peaceful life within her circumstances, in shaa Allah.

I can’t tell you where your journey will lead—only Allah knows how far you can go in your healing, or how far your family, especially your mother, can go in freeing themselves from toxicity. 

Each person has their own capacity for growth and healing within their specific context. The fact that you grew up in a different environment with different influences may allow you to see through these dynamics and outgrow them. This may or may not apply to your mother. What’s important is that you strive for healing and accept the framework of what’s possible – it is part of Allah’s plan. 

This is a complex issue,so again, I strongly recommend counseling. If possible, consider going with your mother—it could be a powerful and healing experience. And if you put your trust in Allah, seek His guidance, and commit to your healing, you may outgrow your current family dynamics. That process can open doors for you. Maybe right now you can’t see the answers—but from a healed perspective, you may see them clearly, in shaa Allah.

May Allah make it easy for you. I wish you the best.

Question 4. Desiring marriage, not ready for marriage.

Assalamu Alaykum, I crave physical intimacy and it sucks so bad because I’m not ready for marriage. I’m not sure why my thoughts are so heightened. I don’t watch anything or do anything haram. But I can’t stop these vivid images I’m having. I feel like I’ll never get married and get to experience the kind of halal love I want. I fear Allah swt and would never do anything haram just to fulfill my desires. I’m also scared no man will see me like that. Is there any way to stop these unhelpful thoughts? There’s no need for me to have these thoughts. I’m not ready for marriage and most likely won’t get married soon so I want these thoughts to disappear. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell my family I’m ready for marriage, because it embarrasses me, I also don’t know what “being ready” looks like but I know I’m not at all ready unfortunately.

Assalamu Alaikum sister,

Thank you for your question.

You mentioned that you feel you are not ready for marriage, yet you crave intimacy and are experiencing thoughts that you find disturbing and wish to get rid of. You also said that you do not watch anything inappropriate, yet you still struggle with these thoughts and the resulting desires. You added that you’re unsure of what it truly means to be “ready” for marriage.

Dear sister, as you pointed out in your message, it is completely normal to have these desires and thoughts. You are a young adult, and as such, you have physical needs and a natural hormonal drive—this is how Allah has created us. After reaching puberty, a person becomes physically ready to engage in an intimate relationship, which, for us as Muslims, means through the bond of marriage.

This readiness—rooted in our biology—can often be overshadowed by cultural expectations. Many societies promote the idea that one must finish their studies, establish a career, and achieve certain milestones before considering marriage. While these goals can be valuable, they are social constructs, not divine requirements, and they may delay fulfilling a very real and natural need.

As a result, unfulfilled physical desires and emotional cravings can cause distress, guilt, shame, which seems to be what you are currently experiencing. I want to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, your body is functioning as it should. These feelings are signs that you may be ready—physically and emotionally—for companionship.

One of the main purposes of marriage is to fulfill this need for intimacy. Allah has placed this desire within us, and it is neither shameful nor disgusting—it is completely natural and normal, sister. Please try to view these feelings not as a burden, but as signs pointing you toward a possible next step in your journey.

The idea of marriage may seem overwhelming or like a huge responsibility, and I understand that it might feel scary. However, in reality, it may not be as difficult or complicated as it seems. I encourage you to reflect on the idea of marriage again. You can speak with someone you trust—a counselor, mentor, or elder—to help you explore what might be holding you back. What are your fears? Why do you feel you are not ready?

The truth is, there’s rarely a moment when a person feels completely ready. Doubts and hesitations are natural before making a major life decision. Whether you are 20, 30, or 40, it’s common to feel some insecurity. What’s important is listening to both your heart and your body, and recognizing the signs that it may be time to consider your next steps.

In the meantime, seek guidance from Allah. Make istikhara (the prayer for guidance), make du’a, and ask Him to guide you toward what is best for you in this life and the next.

May Allah ease your path and grant you clarity and peace.

Question 5. Remarry as a widow

Assalamualaikum, thank you for this beautifull website from where muslims can get benefit

So my wife and I were married for 7 years. It was an arranged marriage and we were very happy with each other. We loved each other very much. We had an excellent relationship with each other and Allah swt blessed us with a beautiful daughter, she looks like her mother (my wife).

2 years ago she (my wife) passed away due to an accident. It was very tough for me to accept her death. I felt like my whole world ended but I know that I have to be strong for my daughter. I was pleased with my wife. She was totally perfect for me. I have never desired any other woman than her.

Now the problem is that my family and friends are telling me to get remarried. I know it’s encourage to get remarry after your partner’s death but I was not ready for it I felt like I am being disloyal to my late wife and that she might ask me on the day qayamah.

I know it sounds silly but I can’t help out with it..

My family members had suggested that I marry one of my cousins as she is divorced and was also looking for marriage. I spoke to her and she is ready to accept me and my daughter. She is also very religious like my late wife. But I don’t know what to say. I am confused. Whenever I look at my daughter I remember my late wife.

Now my question is should I remarry? Will my late wife be reunited in Jannah?

Because I have heard that you will be with your last spouse in Jannah. Am I being disloyal to my wife?

Pls help me with this situation

Assalamu Alaikum brother,

Thank you for writing to us.

You shared your struggle after losing your beloved wife two years ago. May Allah bless her soul. You had a beautiful, loving marriage, and you share a daughter together. Her sudden passing has deeply affected you. You mentioned she was perfect for you, and you never desired anyone else.

Now, after two years, your family and friends have started suggesting that you consider getting married again. However, you feel that you’re not ready and worry that marrying again might feel like a betrayal to your late wife. You fear she might question this on the Day of Judgment. A family member has even suggested a cousin who is also seeking marriage and is ready to accept both you and your daughter.You describe her as religious, but you feel unsure and confused. Every time you look at your daughter, you are reminded of your late wife.

My dear brother, I am truly sorry for your loss. Surely, as the Qur’an reminds us, we will all be tested in this life—and the loss of a loved one is among the most difficult of these tests. Losing a spouse, especially so early in your journey together, is a true trial. I truly understand that even after two years, your connection to her remains strong.

Grief and healing follow no fixed timeline. Each person mourns and adjusts at their own pace. Accepting a new reality doesn’t mean forgetting the past. Your wife may no longer be with you physically, but she will always remain in your heart and memories. That is a beautiful and natural thing.

Coming to peace with loss often means internalizing the memory of the loved one—they become a part of you, the love and memories you shared continue to live on. There is nothing wrong or disloyal about that.

However, this ongoing bond should not prevent you from continuing your journey in this world. Life may still bring new opportunities, new challenges, new love, and new relationships. Getting remarried is not an obligation, nor is it forbidden—it’s a personal decision that should be based on when you feel truly ready.

If you find yourself unsure, consider speaking to a counselor or someone you trust. Reflect on whether you are truly ready for this step. This kind of conversation can help you sort out your emotions and understand the difference between internal emotional connections and external life choices like remarriage.

Should you accept a new marriage proposal—whether this one or another—it does not mean you will forget or replace your late wife. She will remain a part of you. But her memory should not prevent you from forming new, real-life connections. You can love again while still honoring the love you had with her.

Ask yourself: if your wife could speak to you now, would she want you to be lonely? Or would she want you to be loved, supported, and have someone to help raise your daughter? Perhaps she would want someone to care for you, just as she did.

It is okay to explore these thoughts. You can seek advice from professionals or from others who have experienced similar losses. Hearing their stories may bring clarity and reassurance.

As for your question about whether you’ll be reunited with your late wife in Jannah—only Allah knows for sure what awaits in the hereafter. We have been given glimpses through the Qur’an and Hadith, but the exact nature of it remains unseen. What we do know is that Jannah will be a place free from pain, jealousy, sadness, and injustice. Everything will be just, peaceful, and satisfying. So whether you are reunited with your first wife or granted another spouse, trust in Allah’s perfect wisdom. It will be good, and you will be content.

Finally, when you do consider accepting a new proposal, please make that decision when you feel ready—based on your heart, not pressure from others. It’s good that your family wants the best for you, but it is essential that your decision comes from within.

Remember, your first wife had a unique place in your life and fulfilled a special role. Any future spouse will not replace her, but may bring a different kind of companionship and growth. It’s not about comparison—it’s about the next chapter. Trust in Allah. He knows who is best for you at each stage of your life. Set sincere and pure intentions, and ask Allah to guide you toward the one who will help you continue your journey in this life with peace, love, and faith.

May Allah grant you healing, peace, and happiness in both this life and the next.

Question 6. Conflicted Over Marriage and Dua-Taweez

Proposals come for me, but things don’t work out. This has been happening for the past 2–3 years. In my family and among my friends, even those younger than me have gotten married and even have children, but my marriage is still not happening. Because of this, my parents are feeling a lot of tension and pressure. I am 26 years old now, so my family feels that as my age increases, there will be even more difficulties.

That’s why they are telling me that I should go for a dua or taweez (amulet), and that by doing so, my marriage will happen.

But personally, I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of using dua-taweez. I believe that everyone has their own timing, and when the right time comes, my marriage will happen naturally.

My family feels that someone might have done something (like black magic or evil eye) to prevent my marriage. I try to explain to them that there is nothing like that, and that everyone has their own time, but they are not understanding. They keep saying that if I get the dua done, whatever obstacle there is will be removed.

For about a year, I have been delaying their request, but now I can’t keep postponing it because they are insisting a lot. My family firmly believes that if I go for the dua, I will get married.

I don’t believe that going to some “baba” (spiritual healer) will make my marriage happen through their dua.

I am confused — what should I do?

Assalamu Alaikum sister,

Thank you for your letter.

I’ll keep my response brief, as I’m not a scholar but a counselor. I want to say that I agree with your concerns about the use of a du’at aris (amulet). You mentioned that your family believes the lack of using such an amulet is preventing you from finding the right match, as you’ve been searching for the past two or three years. They seem inclined toward using amulets, visiting spiritual gurus, or attributing your situation to black magic or the evil eye.

You’ve tried to explain to them that every person has their own timeline and that nothing supernatural is stopping your marriage, but they don’t seem to understand this. I want to second your view, sister—I agree with you. There is nothing wrong with you, and it’s not necessarily about black magic, the evil eye, or amulets.

As Muslims, we know that ultimate power belongs to Allah alone. Understanding His names helps us comprehend His nature—He is Al-Hakim (The Most Wise) and Al-Mu’akhkhir (The Delayer). He knows the perfect timing for all things. No amulet, guru, or external force can override Allah’s wisdom and timing. Only Allah can bring you your future spouse, and it will happen precisely at the right time, according to His will.

I understand how difficult it can be to deal with pressure from family, especially when they don’t understand this perspective. May Allah help you set healthy boundaries with them and protect your heart from being overly influenced by ideas that are not rooted in Islam. Some of these practices may even fall into the category of shirk (associating partners with Allah), which is a serious matter.

You can gently try to educate your family—help them understand that attributing power to anything other than Allah is misguided. But more importantly, you must remain firm in your own belief in the Oneness and ultimate power of Allah. Put your trust in Him, and continue preparing yourself internally and emotionally for the right person when Allah decrees it.

In the meantime, reflect on the kind of person you’re looking for—beyond religiousness, what qualities should he have? Emotional maturity, communication skills, compatibility—these are all important. Consider why previous proposals didn’t work out. Were your parents’ expectations misaligned with yours? It might be helpful to have open discussions with them about your actual needs and preferences so they can better support your search.

Also, think about ways to streamline the process so you don’t waste time on proposals that are not suitable for you. You deserve to be intentional and respected in this journey.

May Allah grant you clarity, strength, and a righteous spouse who is best for you in this life and the next. Ameen.

Question 7. Husband does not fulfill his role

Assalamualaikum wr wb… it’s been three years of my marriage and my husband is not supporting me financially also not fulfilling any other responsibilities like paying bills, documentation, taking me for hospital checkups . I have 2 kids now, he doesn’t even take their responsibility. All he does is to kiss them , play with them but does not fulfill their needs like pamper, clothes, hospital fee etc. I am dependent financially on my parents and my in-laws and I used to work myself a part time job. It is very difficult for me to look after household, in laws ,kids and also do the outside job and documentation such as marriage certificate or kids birth certificate etc

The reason for his job is , he is lazy , he only does any job for 1 month 3 months or maximum is 6 months and leaves it by giving any stupid excuse.. while he works still he doesn’t give me any money . As if He earns as much as he needs .. What should I do…I have done all sorts of things , to discuss, to take him to counselling, fought and argued for such things, even his parents and my parents have pressured him.. day by day his behaviour also changed and he started behaving angry with me all the time. What should I do now? People say it’s very difficult to get divorced with 2 kids .. I am stuck in the middle. I don’t know which path to choose

Assalamu Alaikum sister,

Thank you for your question.

You explained in your letter that your husband is not fulfilling his responsibilities—he does not support you financially, pay the bills, or take care of documentation. He doesn’t really engage with the children or meet their needs. You are financially dependent on your parents and in-laws, and although you used to work a part-time job yourself, managing the household has become very difficult.

You described him as lazy—only working for a month, three months, or at most half a year—before quitting. Even when he does work, he doesn’t give you any money. You’ve tried to address this by discussing the issue, seeking counseling, involving both your family and his, and even arguing. But instead of improvement, his behavior worsened and he began reacting with anger.

Now, you are unsure of what to do. People around you say it’s difficult to get divorced when you have two children, but you feel stuck and don’t know what to choose.

First of all, sister, I’m sorry for your struggle—it is not easy to be in your situation. Briefly, I would say that it’s important to try to understand what might be behind your husband’s so-called “laziness.” What emotional or psychological struggles might be causing him to avoid fulfilling his duties?

By now, he likely knows what his responsibilities are. So, it’s worth asking: was he different before marriage? Did you know him well beforehand? Did your families know each other? Was there a turning point that led to this behavior? Exploring these questions with a qualified counselor may help you understand the situation more clearly.

There could be underlying issues such as fear of inadequacy, past rejection, or a persistent sense of failure. These feelings can result in defense mechanisms like anger, frustration, and a rejection of his responsibilities. Another possibility is that there’s an unresolved emotional need or conflict between the two of you that is surfacing through his lack of commitment to work and finally, supporting you.

At the same time, it’s important to reflect on your own approach. Your requests are completely valid—Islamically, your husband is responsible for financially supporting you and being present in the home. There’s nothing wrong with expecting that. However, the way in which demands are communicated, along with other issues like unresolved past traumas, mental health issues, or conflicts can affect how responsibilities are handled in a marriage.

If he refuses to seek counseling, I strongly recommend that you seek professional help on your own. A counselor can help you better understand the dynamics of your relationship and whether anything can be changed—or whether you are in a situation that cannot be improved without his full willingness and participation.

If, after genuine efforts and reflection, you come to the conclusion that he is unwilling to change and there is no space for growth, you may have to decide whether you want to continue living like this or not. That is a deeply personal decision only you can make.

Please remember that if you make your decision sincerely—with the intention of pleasing Allah, seeking a peaceful life, and growing closer to Him—then doors will open for you. Yes, some people say that divorce with two children is difficult, but others have found that it can be a path to emotional liberation and a better life for themselves and their kids.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to divorce. What matters most is that you are confident and self-aware in your decision, and that you have truly explored all options and tried your best.

Place your trust in Allah, make istikhara, and seek His guidance through sincere du’a. May Allah grant you clarity, strength, and peace in whatever path you choose. Ameen.

Question 8. About a husband who left his family for other woman

Assalamualaikum,l m 32 years old. l just want to ask my husband is abuse me mentally and emotionally using me for his on selfishness. He got married second time because l gave permission to him in the name of Allah but after his marriage he turned into a monster. He hurts me how and where ever he could and makes my life hell in the past 3 years. l ask many times my husband let me go give my talaq but he saying to me he never gonna give me a divorce because he don’t want to see me happy. He just want to stay his wife rest of my life even he never gonna give.  l don’t love him but l feel like giving up my life just to take my freedom back. Why is it so hard for him to let me go and live my life? Even though I promise and swear on the holy Quran l never get married, l am not gonna give my kids to a stepfather. But he is still just no answer, blocks me and send his wife on me, where his second wife sends photo and video about how happy the are.  l just want to be happy and free from this pain why is forbidden for me to be happy l can’t take anymore

Assalamu Alaikum sister,

Thank you for your letter. I am truly sorry for your struggle—it is very apparent in your words how desperate, tired, and at the end of your strength you feel right now. You say you can’t take it anymore,  since your husband took a second wife he has not been fulfilling his responsibilities towards you. He mistreats you, hurts you emotionally, and refuses to give you talaq. According to your words, he does not want to see you happy, and even if you promise not to remarry, he still refuses to let you go or allow you to move on.

Let me tell you, sister, first and foremost: in Islam, a woman has rights, just as she has duties. The first wife maintains her rights even if her husband takes another wife. Kind and respectful treatment is one of those rights, and it is non-negotiable.

In Islam, divorce can happen in multiple ways. While talaq (divorce initiated by the husband) is one route, there is also something called khula, which is a woman’s right to seek divorce under certain circumstances. In addition, there are legal systems—also in Western countries—where a woman can seek divorce through the courts if her rights are being violated.

You need to explore these options, because they are valid, halal, and—under certain conditions—may even be obligatory. When you are not treated with kindness, when your rights are denied, and when you are facing injustice and oppression, you have the Islamic right to seek separation. This is not a healthy or truly Islamic marriage if these conditions persist.

Please consider seeking help through the proper Islamic and legal channels. It also seems, from your letter, that you might be living in a Western country. If so, and if your marriage includes a civil/legal marriage in addition to your nikah, you can explore both Islamic and civil routes for divorce. If you have only had a nikah without registering it legally, you can still pursue an Islamic divorce through local scholars or Islamic councils.

Abuse and mistreatment are valid reasons for seeking divorce. Islam does not require you to stay in a harmful situation. You deserve peace, kindness, and a husband who respects you and your rights.

Please consider going to your local masjid or Islamic center. If your local masjid cannot help you, there are often national or regional Islamic organizations that provide counseling, legal advice, and support for women in situations like yours. Seek their guidance according to your specific circumstances.

Know that you have rights, you have choices, and there is a way out. You are not alone, and Allah is with the oppressed. May Allah give you strength, clarity, and ease, and may He guide you toward a life filled with peace and dignity.

Ameen.

Wednesday, May. 28, 2025 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.