Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you fo participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor provided audio answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Eid mubarak!

Question 1. How to Deny the Proposal of My Cousin

My parents are telling me to marry my cousin whom I don’t like at all. They are not and will not force me to marry that person or someone else and I understand all their concerns but still I can’t make myself to accept that person. He is not someone I like and would like to have him as my partner. My parents want me to marry him because they can’t find someone better than him in our relatives yeah that’s the main problem, they don’t want their children to marry someone out of our relatives. They also don’t used to like him as person before but suddenly he is someone better someone who will keeps me happy just because he is my cousin. He doesn’t even have a job they’re telling me they will give him money to start a business, how can I marry someone who don’t have something of his own and will lead life through my parent’s money. He hasn’t even studied anything he was never interested in studies and all I guess he only had graduated. Besides all of this I’m not even satisfied by his ikhlaq, I’m sure he must’ve been in contact with other women like every person do this day, I’ve been away from these things my whole life just to marry someone I don’t even like. When we were child, my parents never allowed my brother to hang out with him then how come he suddenly became mature and they find him perfect for me. I know we make mistakes when we are child but I don’t like his actions till now then how come they start liking him just because they don’t have someone else in our relatives. I’m not someone and I don’t want to be someone to accept things by getting emotional, I can compromise but this is a huge sacrifice, I don’t know about future, I don’t know about happiness but I just know that I can’t think about him as my spouse I can’t live my life like this, just thinking about this is aching my heart and I feel like going somewhere away from this society.
I can’t blame my parents, I know they want the best for me and I can understand their concerns that they can’t trust someone who is not our relative but don’t I have a life, a life I want to spend with someone I like? Do I have to sacrifice just because I’m at the age of getting tied, and they find this person suitable?
My parents won’t force me but my mother has said somethings like “we don’t have anyone else whom we can think for you”, “we also want best for you”, and many other emotional things but I don’t wanna get married to that person.
Kindly give me some advice and a way to deny this proposal.

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Question 2. Feeling Too Attached to a Friend

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh, hope you are doing well. My question honestly is looking for a way out from emotional attachment. Here’s the full story;

I’m a grade 11 student and Alhamdulillah high school is pretty good! having friends, classes, all that stuff. In our 2nd semester started and I met this other girl who wasn’t initially my friend at first but gradually we became very good friends, Alhamdulillah. I have always seen her as a normal friend like any of my other friends.

However, as we’ve gotten more into the semester, I’ve noticed myself being a bit closer with her and understanding in essence that we both share the same love language. Now, a person like me, I am a very very loving person (as I say myself) I try to follow the way the Prophet (SAW) acted with people, and behaved with them, and his manners towards them etc. Alhamdulillah, naturally in my akhlaq and character, I express my love to my friends and family by physical touch, quality time words of affirmation, all the 5 love languages basically. We would link arms, give high fives, hold hands, tight bear hugs, protector hugs, all that sort of stuff close friends do.

But what makes me sad is that I’ve come to the point where with this friend in particular, it’s gotten too much for me. I can’t stop thinking about her, I wanna be loving with her. I know, and I mean I actually know that it’s unhealthy to be fully reliant/dependent on a person or anyone besides Allah. I understand, but I get that my nafs are tricking me over and over and over. I’ve even confronted her about this whole situation and told her that I’m feeling this way (cause it’s gotten out of hand for me). She just consulted me saying that “oh it’s fine to feel like that, it’s normal” etc. But honestly that didn’t help me as much…

I always remind myself thinking and reflecting back to ayahs about when Allah says in Surah Furqan “And we have made some of you (people) as a trial for others, will you then have patience?” and subhanAllah, it is soooo true, I try keeping this in mind.

I feel like with me, she doesn’t show the same amount of love she shows her other friends, PLUS I forgot to mention, she’s a very extroverted person. She has quite a lot of friends, but she’s also very open minded with almost everyone in our class, and that’s just her character.

It has gotten to the point where I became jealous, bcz she would kind of be touchier and say sweet things to others than me, and I know, it’s not good to be jealous of anyone/anything ever! but it naturally happened. I couldn’t stop myself from something that naturally happened. This is what makes me feel so down about myself. there’s just something about her that makes my heart attach to her, when I should really be attached to Allah. But at least at some point, I would really like my desires to be fulfilled.

I read a famous book called “Reclaim your heart” and it was based on my problem Alhamdulillah, but I still need some solution. It has been triggering my mental health.

She has even told me that “time will fix/heal all the wounds” but I don’t know if I could wait that long.Please help me, and some kind, humble advice would be highly appreciated. May Allah reward you immensely.

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Question 3. My Busy Husband Regrets Having Kids

Assalamalikeum, my husband and I have been married for 10 years. He’s very hard working and loving but he is a businessman and is extremely busy. I work from home and also take care of the house and our two young children. We have babysitters and house help so it works smooth. However, my husband has expressed many times to me that he regrets having children. Especially our second one, who was unplanned. He says he loves them a lot but he regrets having children and that being a father is not his cup of tea. This used to bother me a lot earlier and we used to fight over it. But as the kids grow older, they’re starting to see how detached and uninvolved he is in their lives. I keep making excuses that dad is busy but he truly puts the kids last. He doesn’t spend more than a few minutes a day with them and doesn’t get involved in any family task. On the weekend he often escapes into watching videos related to his line of work and other work-related things and when I ask him to join the family he says “I need a break from my exhausting work day so I will do the things I want”. He always says that I am doing my duty as a father – I provide for them this is the best I can do. I should have had children later in life – I don’t have the bandwidth in life. He also feels bad that I don’t put him first – unfortunately I don’t have a moment to breathe and I can’t bring myself to give him any more care that I give him currently. He doesn’t really do anything in and around the house and when I ask him to, he simply says “do you need me to hire another maid?” How should I deal with this? How can I get him more involved in the lives of his children? How can I help change his mind about his own children? Why is he so regretful

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Question 4. Husband Is Causing Me Mental Stress, Please Help!

Assalamu Alaikum. I am sitting down to write something with a very heavy heart. Hope you will take some time to read and say something to put my mind at ease.

I am a teacher in a private university. Married for 8 years. We have 2 children. I am mentally disturbed by my husband’s various behaviors and habits since marriage till now. From the very beginning, I have noticed that he is indifferent about the responsibilities and duties of married life. Even though it was rough from the beginning, I was patient and never complained. I am a cold-tempered person. Always aware to avoid disturbance. But my husband makes jokes in the house even on small matters. Most distressingly, he is very much careless about household expenses.

He quit his job 5 years ago to start his own business. I am already bearing my own expenses since marriage. We have 2 kids and he never went to the doctor with me. And if I ask for money, he give it unwillingly. There is no improvement in his business for 5 years. That doesn’t make sense to me either. I spend most of the household expenses. There have been countless times that he has gone outside for 7 days or 10 days for some reason or gone to some other place without any information. When he come back he behaves normally.

When he is at home, he loves children a lot. His mood swings are excessive. If he is in a bad mood for any reason, he treats me very badly, abuses me, speaks dirty language. I was shocked. Because I myself have never uttered any bad words in my life, let alone abuse. But I got such a partner in my married life. As a person he is very arrogant and haughty. I have explained to him many times, quoting Islam that his behavior is wrong. But after a few days the same situation arose. His period of recovery is very short. The most surprising thing is that he prays 5 times from the beginning. Reciting the Quran, fasting. He is a very nice person to outsiders. I can’t account for it.

. His relationship with his family is not good. Rather, I have a very good relationship with my mother-in-law. He resents these too. In short, he is a man of turmoil who himself is in turmoil, keeping everyone around him in turmoil. He cannot settle down in any business. I gave him all my wedding jewelry to help him. He does not improve at all. For the sake of Allah, I have removed those parts of my nature that he does not like, I have changed myself. But there is no change in him. He is the father of my children. I can’t even think about anything outside of this relationship. My children are little. I can’t think of anything that affects them. I am praying, praying Tahajjud, Zikir. But lately his presence seems very suffocating to me. He does not stay at home for a long time due to work, but comes again. Now I am relieved that he is not at home. I leave the children at my mother’s house and go to work, after work I take them home. It is difficult to handle everything alone but still I feel stress free. It hurts to think that only the children do not get their father. He can stay away from children. Thinking about everything makes me very angry and sad. I give time to children, read self-development books. I worship cordially, I practice. But when he comes home, I do my wife’s duty again but a storm blow in my mind. I feel a strong hatred towards him but I don’t express it. Fearing that Allah will be displeased. I am going through a lot of mental stress. Should I do something or continue like this? I took a lot of time to read my story. For the sake of Allah, please give me suitable advice. Jazakallah Khairan.

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Question 5. Overcome Trauma from Verbal Harassment

Recently me along with my sister & mother were going somewhere on uber. The driver was going to use a technically wrong shortcut so we told him to not go from pull/bridge. Upon which he started arguing aggressively. Even his first sentence was in a very bad tone & disrespectful to my mother. We then told him to stop midway. He kept on misbehaving & then when we told him to behave, he started using foul language (slurs, curses, dirtiest abusive language) against my sister & mother in the middle of road. I just can’t forget that language. We felt violated & embarrassed. It was so hurtful! It’s been 2 days, I’m not able to overcome this. Please help!

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Question 6. I Need Marriage Advice and Emotional Strength

I’ve been looking for someone to marry, but Alhamdulillah, things haven’t worked out the way I believed they might. In fact, my parents looked into the idea of arranged marriage, but after a few trials, I don’t find arranged marriage to be the most reliable, secure or appealing option for me- it’s not something to depend on in my personal experience.
My parents have, therefore, given me the permission to search on my own given I maintain the Islamic boundaries of opposite gender interactions, especially since the arranged marriage option which I first thought was the only Islamic route failed. After living under family abuse and violence for most of my childhood, teenage and young adult years, I’ve come to the conclusion I never want to marry someone that will end up in the same rough situation as my parents’ marriage. It is so horrible that they’re not willing to get out of it, nor divorce not reconcile with each other – even though they’ve been living in the end of their ropes so many decades.

Sometimes I feel weak and sad because I’m unable to find the strength to see through these problems. But the reason why I feel unhappy is not because of the pain that is normal and human in any bad experience. The reason is Allah loves strong Muslims and even the weak one is good according to hadith but as a struggling young woman, I feel like I’m on the weak end of the spectrum- sometimes asking for help when needed makes me feel even weaker because I like being independent.
I am scheduled for Professional counselling in a few days which is provided at my college and I hope to gain bettered insight from that experience.

This brings me to another sensitive and emotional part of the conversation of marriage. Despite all that, I met a nice friend in college. He was so nice to me, and I’m lucky to have him as my friend. Even though we talk less and not interacted much- we only meet once a week in class. He does have a learning disability but since he’s in college, I’m assuming it isn’t so severe as to prevent him from getting a higher education- although I don’t know much about learning disabilities, I’m considering whether or not taking an interest in him would be Islamically wrong if I decided to marry. Because it’s is complicated, since he is a non-Muslim who has a learning disability and from a different country and cultural background than me. Despite all that, I like him because 1) I want an easy person in life who can love and accept me for who I am & I’m willing to do the same even if I have to make some personal sacrifices 2) he will have to convert to Islam before marriage 3) there’s no guarantee he’ll ever love me or have the desire to marry me (I don’t know much about him).

However, after talking to him for a while, I felt the courage to seek help from my college counseling services for various reasons. I apologize for such a long message, but I hoped to explain things clearly. I hope you can help me and give me advice on my situation.


I am in the habit of reading istikhara, and in the end, the final destination of all matters is with Allah. Thank you for your ongoing advice, patience, prayers, and support. May Allah keep you safe and happy in both worlds. Ameen

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Question 7. Happy to Marry but Sad to Leave Everything Behind

I’m getting married in a month insha’Allah to someone I believe was brought to me straight from Allah and I am confident in my decision. We care very deeply about one another and I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with him. The thing is, I’m so sad to leave everything behind, sadder than I ever thought I’d be. I’ll be moving states & won’t have as easy access to my family anymore. I am leaving behind 2 cats whom I love so deeply it feels silly but I love them so much. I am excited about the future, but just leaving these things/people behind is breaking my heart so much. No one told me it would be so emotional and I never prepared myself. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. On top of these emotions, my life is so chaotic and turbulent right now that I don’t even have time to FEEL these feelings so when I do they come at me strong and I end up bawling my eyes. I don’t doubt my decision, but it’s just hard. I’m so used to a certain life, a routine, the same people, things, etc and it’s all about to change. I hold my cats and just kiss them so much and they try to run away bc they don’t understand lol and when I tell people this, they think I’m insane for caring so much about some cats. I just don’t know how long these emotions will last for. My heart feels like it’s slowly breaking w each day but also excited at my future and I don’t know how to begin to process the clashing emotions 🙁

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Question 8. Shyness & Self-Doubt Hinder My Marriage Search

Assalamu alaikum,

I am someone who is willing to get married, but when I get a marriage proposal, I begin to doubt if they will really like me for who I am because most men of where I live do not marry for the Islamic purpose but rather for their satisfaction, that is why many marriages here do not last.
I am 26 years and I have never had a boyfriend.
If I am approached for the purpose of relationship or marriage, I would begin to look for fault in the person to discourage me and will lastly decline without even giving it a try and later on would start feeling regretful as to why I didn’t even try.
I am really scared as I am approaching 30 and all my friends are married and also, it’s long since I have received a proposal. And also, even if I do in the future, I am afraid I might decline.
I know marriage is an important sunnah of the Prophet, I would like to complete it and really want to get married before I clock 30. But the shyness, self-doubt within me that my spouse might not be satisfied with me both physically and mentally, and also the happenings I see in marriages around me nowadays scare me a lot.
Please I need some guidance on how to tackle these issues.
Ma’assalam

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