Dear Brother/Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find below the five questions to which our counselor responded. 

We may not be able to answer all submitted questions. If you do not find yours below, please check the answers in our upcoming sessions as well. 

Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Feeling Neglected Due to Lack of Intimacy

Assalamualaikum
I am married for the past 12 years with two kids. Alhamdulillah my husband is a very kind human being but a bit introvert…He doesn’t communicate much with people.
He is a wonderful father and he provide everything needed at home. As I work so I don’t depend on him for my self-expenses. We do go out and take kids out for leisure. The only thing missing is that we are not sexually active…It happen only once or sometimes twice in a month. When I was pregnant with both my kids we didn’t have sex for more than a year and a half. There is no intimacy like hugs, kiss etc…I did complain to him but I get silent treatment. I know he is overstress at work but I wonder how can a man stay without sex for so long. Sometimes this makes me frustrated and makes my moods off. As if our life revolves only for our children. Even if I have other problem n share with him, I will not get the comfort needed…pls advice what should I do, even thought I would not divorce him only for sex. how can I stay happy in this wedding.?

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Question 2. Blackmailing: How to Get Out of This Relationship?

I am in college and I ended up in a haram relationship that was totally my fault. He ended up being both physically abusive and emotionally abusive and always interested in other girls. But if I try to cut off the relationship, he blackmails me by saying he will tell my parents about us. That is the reason I stayed with him but I have so much anxiety and depression from staying with him and I am trying to come back to Allah. I am getting older and I want to think about my future and graduation but this situation makes it so hard.

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Question 3. Feeling Too Reserved; How to Approach Marriage Search?

Assalamualaikum,
I am of 26 years of age. Recently one of my relatives got married and I am now next in line in the family, while initially this didn’t matter to me much, it’s now hit me quite hard that I need to prepare for marriage.

While growing up I’ve never been in a haram relationship, Alhumdulillah, my friends I’ve grown up with have and have had their experiences (good or bad) but I believe it had shaped them to become the best version of themselves. Some have been married to who they were with.

The issue with me is growing up without any of this experience has made me very reserved and quiet, which has affected my personality and confidence quite negatively. While I am not for haram relationships I feel now that I have to look for a wife, I feel very backwards compared to everyone else due to my whole life being quite reserved. To add further, haraam relationships have made the community fall into zina a lot more common and I usually have a very little trust in everyone now due to this, I feel like whoever I get married to will compare me with their previous relationships.

In a nutshell you could say I feel like I have tried to stick to the halal route in a world full of haraam, yet they have ended up in happy marriages earlier (everyone should be happy by the way, I do not wish wrong upon anyone) but for the good people I find it’s a struggle to find someone in this world to get married to, given the nature of how soft hearted a good person is and how people try to take advantage of it. There have been occasions were haraam relationships were there for me but I never went ahead with it. This issue along with my reserved nature and trust issues with new people makes it hard for me to look for someone.

I find that people are getting married to those that they were with have it a lot easier. I understand Allah is protecting me from all kinds of evil, I pray my daily prayers and tahajjud, duas and always ask for guidance. However, I am not sure how to go about looking for someone when you have trust issues, I do not wish to delay marriage further as I get older. I have heard what’s for you will come to you even if it were beneath mountains but what is my duty (the part where I need to tie my camel) before I leave the rest to Allah?

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Question 4. Sharing Past Abuse with Future Wife?

I’m having memories of abuse when I was a child, not certain what’s real. I’m looking into therapy, scared to make that first step, insha’Allah, I will sort it out soon. But another issue I have is my parents want me to get married. I do think marriage will be good but if I find someone do I need to share this with her before the nikah? Worried about these causing issues in marriage and it would be unfair on her if I hid it. I have found someone who I intend to speak with about marriage want to start therapy before this though. Tried looking for advice about other Muslim men with this issue but can’t find many, I understand men hide it since a lot of the advice I see for women.

Will go to therapy just building courage, worried if I’m making stuff up.

Answer:

Question 5. How to Control Same-Sex Desires?

Since I can remember I always knew I was attracted to both genders. Now being 24 and unmarried. Im realizing, I can’t control my feelings. What do I do?

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