Her siblings sided with her in all circumstances and did not allow me to attend university. She forced me into a major, she cut off food and talk and saw other people of my age. What kind of a parent is this?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Seek immediate help from your local child abuse line and/or local imam, AND a close family member you trust.
Try finding a place where you could stay safe.
Keep Allah close.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
Parents are there to support and encourage us. Often at some point, this will involve them pushing us to things that we don’t want to do. Some parents are more willing to make compromises, and some will heavily push it on the child and make it compulsory.
Sometimes the decisions that they make are good ones and they are using their own wisdom based on their own experiences to push us to do (or not do) some things so that we don’t make the same painful mistakes that they did. Other times there is some selfish wisdom in their actions and this is not ok and sometimes may even constitute abuse.
Abuse is not OK!
Unfortunately, you seem to be in the latter situation, and I am so sorry that you have experienced very traumatic times with your mother. Certainly, we must respect the elders, but abuse should not be tolerated in any circumstance. It is definitely not your mother’s right to force you into situations that harm you or are haram.
I would encourage you to get the support you need: call your local child abuse line or seek help from your local imam who will be able to support you in your objection. Others who have the power to help need to know of your case. I encourage you to seek this support as a matter of urgency for your own well-being.
Seek Help From Other Family Members
Given the fact that you are unhappy and abused in your own house, you have nowhere else to go at this point, this makes it even more difficult and probably makes you feel somewhat choked by the lack of escape. If you have any other family members that you could turn to for support, then I would encourage this also.
Perhaps if there is a way that you could just ask to stay with them for a few days to have the space away and have a short breather.
Sister, I know this feels scary maybe, but there is no other way out than acting now! Please seek help.
Don’t Give Up Hope
In the meantime, don’t give up hope. Whilst you may be prevented from doing what you want right now because you are under the authority of your parents, for now, it is still possible to go back to the things you want later in life when you have more control.
In fact, having gone through what you have, you will be able to face study with more resilience and motivation than you do now so will likely perform even better than you would do now in the stressful circumstances that you currently face. You may also benefit a lot from your current studies later on.
Don’t lose sight of your goals and dreams. Just because you are forcefully prevented from them now, it doesn’t mean you cannot ever achieve them.
Keep Allah Close
Also, most importantly, always keep Allah close. Continue to pray about the situation. Pray for Him to guide your parents and relieve you from your suffering. Find comfort in His remembrance and it will make it a whole lot easier to face your current difficulties with more strength knowing that Allah is watching everything.
Allah tests us all, but He never tests you beyond what you can bear.
May Allah make things easier for you and answer all your prayers. May He soften your parents’ hearts and grant you comfort in your home and in His remembrance.
May He grant you all the successes in this life and the next.
Amen,
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