Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It is very difficult for children to see their parents have difficult relations with one another and often children will feel like they are to blame somehow and end up baring more emotional burden than the parents do. The parents are often unaware of this and the children continue to suffer for it. So, the first thing to remember is that whilst it is clearly placing a toll on you to see that you gather has been treated like this, do try to separate yourself from feeling responsible. Remember that the issue is between them.

 

Despite your mum’s unacceptable behavior towards your dad, he has chosen to remain and not walk away from the marriage. Whilst you should not interfere with his choice, or even try and convince him to do something else about the situation, you can be there to support him through whatever difficulties he is facing as a result. Providing this support will make it easier for him to move on successfully and make rational decisions knowing he has the support of those around him. You may not be able to provide any financial support, but you can provide emotional support. Just be there for him to talk to. He may not open up to you fully about his struggles and feelings, but simply knowing that someone is there to talk to if he ever chooses to can mean a lot and make moving on a lot more comfortable.

 

Put yourself in his shoes. How do you like to be comforted during difficulties? Knowing someone is there for you come what may make a world of difference even if they say or do nothing but be at your side.

 

It’s not necessary to talk about the situation with your mum, talk to him about daily life, ask him how his day has been  what his plans are, make him dinner, go out with him, make him feel special and appreciated, that even though he may have been stripped of his finances you still love him as your father. You don’t even need to say it, but your actions will make your caring feelings towards him very clear.

 

This is the way that we should be with our parents anyway if we act in accordance with Islam, but it is just to make sure that it is done in such a way that will not cause further discord between him and your mum or highlight and make a big deal out of an issue that may cause it to get worse if it is continually raised,  especially if you have no part in it. If he knows he has your love and support perhaps he will stop talking about it and move on in the knowledge that he still had a comfortable home environment anyway, or if he chooses to take action, then he knows he has the support of those who mean the most to him.

 

May Allah reward your concern for your father and guide your mum aright. May He bring happiness and contentment in Tony our family in this life and the next.