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The Truth That Found Me!

Aliza Kim's Journey to Islam

My name is Aliza. I am no different from any of you, but many would say I have experienced some extraordinary things. In my life I have studied at some of the worst schools and also the best schools in the world, had the chance to travel to more than a dozen countries, worked in jobs as varied as you can imagine – from a waitress to a member of senior corporate management, an in-demand model to a military interpreter.

I would say that I have had quite a life sprinkled with interesting pockets of struggle, adventure, hardship and a bit of glamor. In fact, this time last year, I was on the cover of at least two magazines and the main feature in another three or four.

But this year is very different.

For the past 12 months, I purposely stayed away from the media and from industry functions; kept to myself in order to find myself. Although much of my work is still in high rotation on TV, my name is fading from the magazines, from the media and from invitation lists. This year, I am surrounded by friends instead of cameras.

This year, my heart has more peace than it has ever had. Why? I have found grounding, truth, sincerity and tranquility in religion… a religion in which I was not born into.

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I found a religion grounded in peace, sincerity and respect. The name of this religion linguistically translates to ‘submission’ and, when put in a religious context, it means ‘to submit to the one and only God’. This is the same God that Adam, Noah, Moses, Abraham, David and Jesus all worshipped… the same God that I grew up worshipping and loving as a strong Christian.

But, the religion I have embraced is one that is so misunderstood and so widely feared due to popular culture and current events.

I started to learn about Islam through a sincere attempt to ground myself in Christianity when I needed hope. But my search for hope in Christianity led me to a meticulous academic research in Islam as a religion and as a way of life.

I found Islam not through what the media portrays or what I have heard about Muslims, but through historians, scholars, Christian ministers, Biblical experts, Sheikhs, observation of my Muslim friends and what I felt in my own heart.

Humble Beginnings

For those of you who do not know by background, allow me to briefly tell you about myself.

I was born in a tiny little town in Oklahoma, USA, named Enid with a population of under 50,000 compared to the city of 1.5 million that I live in now. After Enid, I moved 12 times to date.

Through the years there have been times of some comfort and times of extreme hardship. I have been nearly homeless, had so little that I ate government sponsored meals, but I also had the chance to work and study even harder to create a future for myself.

Despite the odds, I excelled in school, won academic scholarships and now hold a double Bachelor’s Degree in Economics and Sociology and a Masters Degree in International Business.

I also changed dramatically as a person during those years. From a silent small town girl who did not even say a word in school till she turned 12 to a young lady who consciously made a promise to herself to become someone who will succeed in everything she puts her mind to.

I began to speak up, became a student leader, then a campus activist, got recognition for some of my achievements from places like the Pentagon in Washington DC and, after obtaining my MBA, landed myself a job where I quickly became Director of Marketing despite my young age.

To people looking at me from the outside, everything seemed smooth… too easy almost.  But, no one could see what was going on inside. Inside, I was a mess.

The Search for Peace

In many ways the events of my life are a blur. And it is a blur in my memory for good reason – to keep away pain, sadness and a bad cycle of self destruction… I fell into a period of clinical depression due to the conditions I lived in, the experiences I had to endure year after year; and when I thought I was about to recover, I made some bad life decisions that derailed my life for several more years.

I often pretended to be happy and confident to maintain status quo so no one would ask me anything and I would not have to think about what haunted me.  All of this is of course a formula for emotional disaster.

But there was one thing – the only thing that I could always turn to for grounding, to calm myself and to refocus so that I could at least function at work and in life. Religion. I always had God.

The beginning of last year began rather bright for me. I felt a newfound freedom because I was finally making progress in resolving some personal and family issues and was looking forward to starting over on many levels.

My career in media was going well with both local and international assignments so I felt like I wanted to experience new things and try out a different lifestyle. I was living a rather private, quiet and humble existence doing my work and spending time at home till then, but because of a lifted burden, I tried being more outgoing, more social, found some hipster friends, started making rounds at the many events and parties around town, and even dabbled a bit in artistic photography where I showed more skin than I had ever before. I felt free and alive but somehow still empty.

Perhaps because the life I was trying to live was so foreign to me and very much not for me, I regretted.

And as the emptiness grew, the parties became dull, I got stuck with a sexy image and the hipster friends did not bring out the best in me, to say the least. I began to hate who I was becoming in those short months and I was back to feeling lost, hopeless and confused about the world. I wanted my usual, quiet, boring but wholesome, private life back. So, I cut myself off completely and returned to the one thing that has always grounded and refocused me.

After stopping everything, I promptly turned towards God in hopes of finding the true peace I craved for. And so my journey began…

The Truth That Found Me

As mentioned, this was not the first time I sought God’s assistance to calm myself and refocus, but somehow I really wanted it to be the last time. The other times I would refocus just enough to survive my life but this time, I wanted God to be and remain the guide of my life. I wanted religion to be a lifestyle choice for me; not just an element of my life.

I had experienced enough in life by now to know the type of person I wanted to be and the kind of life I was most comfortable leading. I wanted to live a pious, clean, peaceful life and wanted purity.

To have purity, I wanted to find the true and simple Church of the early Christians because I thought that should be the correct way to worship God. I was thinking that the people who were with Jesus or his disciples and how they worshipped should be the right way.

As an undergraduate student I studied at a Jesuit college where there were still brown robed monks teaching and tending campus grounds. It was mandatory for students to take up Christian theology classes as part of the curriculum.

In one of those classes, the Jesuit who was lecturing taught something that I never forgot. The Bible was put together by a pope. Later on I found out that the chapters of the Bible were also chosen or rejected and there were many conflicting versions.

If the Bible was put together by a man or a group of men and different versions conflicted, then what about the religion itself? I had to know. I wanted to know because I wanted to be a good Christian who follows God’s commands not what was chosen by a man or a group of men sometime in the past.

At this point, I want to give my utmost respect to my dear Christian friends and family members who may be reading and let you know that I know how beautiful some of the Christian teachings are. I am very proud of the Christian upbringing I received. I am grateful for the values and ideologies Christianity has instilled in me. And, I still love the teachings and life of Jesus till this day.

However, the further I looked into history, the more I understood that Christianity and the theories and belief we now hold were put together by a group of men.

The more I learned about how much struggle there was to get some concepts like the Trinity approved and accepted shows me that it was just simply that – a concept (and in fact, it has been proven to be a theoretical creation and has been taken out of most reprints of the modern Bible). The more I found out about Paul or Saul, the supposed author of the New Testament, the more compelled I felt to keep researching and searching for the truth.

After some time, I concluded that what I needed to do was take a look at the religion that was practiced by Jesus, David, Abraham, Moses, Noah and so on.

Not the religion that has been passed down to me. I knew none of these men were Christians. I knew that Jesus was a Jew who spoke Aramaic but not all the great Prophets were… So, what religion did all of these great men practice? Because that is exactly what I want to practice. They were the best and chosen by God, so whatever they were doing must have been right.

During this time of researching, digging and sincerely searching, a well meaning Muslim friend of mine asked if I had ever learned anything about Islam.

Admittedly, I had not. I would like to think that I knew quite a bit about Christianity and a bit about Judaism but the third Abrahamic religion, I knew nothing about.

Well, I figured if I am going to find the truth and Islam comes from the same tradition, there must also be clues in Islam for me to uncover. So, I began reading, and reading, and reading, and I could not stop.

I was completely absorbed with the teachings of Islam from the start. As alluded to previously, Islam simply means ‘to submit to the one and only God’. And, a Muslim is someone who submits to the one and only God.

When I learned that I thought, well that means every person from the three Abrahamic religions is a Muslim and is practicing Islam then!

Well, in a way yes but not quite because in Islam, there is not only an emphasis on the oneness of God but also that since there is only one God there must also logically be only one correct way to worship God as well.

Uh oh… this is starting to look like what I have been looking for.

As I kept reading I found myself easily understanding the stories of the Prophets of Islam because they were the same Prophets that I grew up learning about in the Christian Bible.

I found myself drawn to the way Islam structures religion into a lifestyle and not just an element of life, and I found myself readily accepting the way the Muslims worship God.

I began with a book that compared ancient manuscripts in Aramaic, Arabic and Greek. Then I moved onto books that traced the truth of one God through not only Islam, Christianity and Judaism but through many other religions throughout the world. Even polytheistic religions accept that there is one supreme God. Then it was onto books on Islam’s view on Jesus and the Christians. Then onto books on Islamic beliefs and so on and so forth.

Book after book it was as though each of the 10 to 12 books I read were carefully put in order for me; building on the findings and knowledge gained from the previous books and leading into the next book to be read.

I felt like God was leading me step-by-step and placing each book in the perfect order for me to see the truth.  And, even though it was my personal choice to begin the search for truth, I sincerely feel now that the truth had found me.

The last two books I read were of the universality of Islam (how Islam can fit into any culture and race and be a guide for any of life’s situations) and a collection of short stories of how other people found Islam.

Honestly, as I read about the reversions of others from Christian clergymen to Japanese housewives to young school children in Brazil and would-be gangsters in America, no story hit me more than the story written by a lady from Oklahoma from a Christian background who was searching for truth. When I read her story, it reflected back at me and I cried heavy tears. I knew and was certain then that I had found what I was looking for.

From Now till the Hereafter

Alright, so I found the truth I wanted. Now what?

By this time, even though I had no doubt that Islam is the way to go, the issue of reverting (Muslims use the word “revert” instead of “convert” because it is believe that when a person embraces Islam, they are returning to the correct path of total submission to God after a period of being astray) was still a very difficult and serious decision for me.

I had so many fears of how my parents would react, how my friends would react, how my social circles would react and whether I would lose everyone and everything dear to me if I formally accepted Islam into my life.

Then there was the issue of work and where my income will come from if I have to end my career in media so that I can dress properly and wear a headscarf.

Many thoughts went through my mind during those weeks. But what I concluded was, if God has guided me to Islam then I have no choice but to accept, because I know that He is the most Kind, most Merciful and knows what is best for me.

Additionally, if this choice makes me a better daughter, a better friend and a better person and gives me more peace, more hope and more happiness, I believed that the people who love me will still accept me no matter what – even if it takes a bit of time.

I also believe that since God is the best Provider and Protector, He will send work my way that not only suits me but is also acceptable in Islam. As these thoughts were firming up in my mind, I thought of getting an American English translation of the Quran to read. And, it was on the very day that I asked for a copy of the translation of the Quran from one of my Islamic teachers – when he spoke words that pierced my heart and made my eyes overflow with tears – that I formally accepted Islam by reciting the Shahadah or Islamic Testimony of Faith.

What did he say to me? 

Well, what strikes at the heartstrings of one person may not do the same for another but I will share one of the things he pointed out to me. He said to me, “Why don’t you fully submit yourself and become a Muslim? (Keep in mind that Muslim simply means a person who submits to the one and only God.)

He knew that I had done extensive research, was reading intensively and had come to the conclusion that Islam is the truth and is right for me. Through our short conversation that day, he also knew that I felt as though I had been a Muslim my whole life but didn’t know it.

To me, this realization shows that I have already submitted so I replied, “I already have“. To which he swiftly replied, “No you haven’t“. Hearing these words broke my heart. Something ripped inside me and I started to cry.

At that moment I realized with full understanding that without declaring and committing myself to a life of submission to the one and only God, I have not truly submitted myself. I felt like I was unknowingly denying God, denying the truth I had found, denying my beliefs when I wanted so very much to be good and submit to God in the correct way. Less than an hour after this realization, I submitted and accept Islam as my way of life.

After reciting the Shahadah, what I felt cannot be accurately described. I felt a rushing sensation go through me which felt like a thorough cleansing. I felt pure and was given lightness, peace and genuine happiness. I had never felt such innocent gladness like that in my life. And, those feelings have stayed on till this day and I know they will be with me till my last day in this world.

I am happy with Allah my Maker and with my chosen religion.

Peace, Hope and Respect

I don’t know how my story will be received but I sincerely hope that we will continue to be a part of one another’s lives.

I hope that we continue sharing our views, sharing our experiences and supporting one another in a positive way.

I also hope to make new friends from everywhere, every culture and every religion.

I look forward to moving on from my past because what matters is what I do from now into the future. Yes, you will see me dress differently and I may also speak a little bit differently as well but for the most part I will just be an upgraded version of who I was. I want to be a better person. Someone who is more kind, more giving, more thoughtful, more caring, more considerate, more respectful, more gentle, more calm, more understanding and someone who is more conscious of improving herself day in and day out.

I really have to thank my wonderful parents for the love, care and understanding they have given me. Having their support and permission to choose what I believe is best for myself, is a true blessing that I am forever grateful for.

Lastly, I pray that all of you will also find peace, hope and respect in your own lives.

Assalamu’alaikum (Peace be upon you).