I Knew I Was Lost, I Asked For Guidance

Whenever I hear the sound of the ocean crashing upon itself in never-ending movement – rising and falling as it measures out time, I think about the beginning of my life and the journey I began and am still traveling.

As the tides inch their way towards me where I sit on the sand, I remember that the time of my death remains unknown to me.

I feel a sense of fear; of urgency to do more, learn more, discover more before the tides of my own life rise and sweep me along to the Hereafter.

I am like a grain of sand – one tiny part of human existence – a small part of all that has lived.

For many years I lived alone, isolated in a world of fear and unrest. Some happy childhood memories, times of love and joy were always covered by a cloud of uncertainty; a feeling of being lost but not knowing where my real place was.

I watched my life unfold, taking note of the decisions that I made, which either drove me forward or pushed me back. I was constantly moving further away from the light or getting closer to it. It was the source of truth whose reality I recognized deep within my heart.

And Allah increases in guidance those who walk aright and love Allah much. (19:76)

In my isolation, I sought help and comfort in the one who had created me; I had no doubt that there exists a Creator and Sustainer of all things. I knew this as clearly and as surely as I know the sun rises and sets, the movement of the tides, the echo of a thunder storm and the delicate beauty of a spider’s web.

This World in No Accident

No! This world was no accident! As sure as an explosion in a paint factory could never produce an encyclopedia, I always knew this world has a Designer – the Source of all peace.

On Him I called, yet at that time I didn’t know His name but only the reality of Him. His Existence and His Creation was so overwhelmingly obvious that I knew I could ask and He would give: I asked for peace in my troubled heart; I asked to understand my life and what He wanted from me. I asked for guidance for I knew I was lost.

At sixteen years of age, I prayed as I had always done, knowing that He is so Powerful and All-Encompassing that there was no need to pray in the name of Jesus (peace be upon him). I forced myself to throw off the shackles of Christianity and dependence upon Jesus as a medium between my Creator and myself.

I felt a surge of peace and inner quietness. It is a feeling that guided me and still does, telling my spirit that I’m on the right way – just keep going.

Step by step I moved towards the light of truth whose rays flickered far in the distance. I began to measure the success of my life by the amount of peace that I felt within, but so often in the materialistic world in which I lived, this peace and inner joy was drowned out by trivial pursuits and passing pleasures.

I Love Jesus

A deep awareness followed me that every step I took in life is significant – every word counted and followed me like the echo of my reality. So many paths of life confronted me, each one having its own destination. I was in a state of confusion but guided by my inner feeling, which acted like a radar. Surely, the one who wants to be guided, will be guided.

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About Selma Cook
Selma Cook has written a number of books including: Buried Treasure (An Islamic novel for teenagers), The Light of Submission (Islamic Poetry). She has also edited and revised many Islamic books.