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I Finally Have a Place where I Belong

I want to tell you about my reversion back to Islam. I will start at the beginning.

I am an American woman who has tried all different kinds of faiths. I was a Catholic, a Methodist and more recently a Mormon.

I have searched for many years to find the truth.

In my search I have come across some teachings of prophets, and some half mingled truths. I had joined the Mormon Church at the request of my husband, and I tried to go faithfully for awhile, until I learned that some of the people found it more important to treat me with disrespect due to my own spiritual issues.

I thought that if I tried hard enough that I could learn to believe in what they did, but I just couldn’t grasp all that they were teaching. I went to church faithfully every Sunday, and I sat in the front row, and I led the choir, and helped teach some classes for children.

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As hard as I tried, I could never quite understand why I didn’t feel what they all felt. For awhile I stopped going to church and I avoided these people as much as I could.

The hard part was that my husband was a very faithful Mormon, and he didn’t like that I had stopped going to church. I have read the Bible and found it to be a great source of understanding, but I still always felt like something was missing.

A few weeks ago, I was online on the Internet and I met someone called Ahmad. I was very interested in speaking with him because he seemed to be very centered and well balanced.

I must tell you that usually when I am online, I don’t usually discuss 2 topics for fear of offending someone: 1) Politics, and 2) Religion.

At most times I have been successful, but as I listened to Ahmad speak, I could feel something warm and nice with his words. I couldn’t help but wonder what his beliefs were and why he was so confident, yet centered.

When he told me he was from Gaza, I was so impressed. I had never before spoken to anyone that was so far away, and who was so fun to just sit and talk. When he told me that he was a Muslim, and proceeded to explain some of his beliefs to me, at first I must admit, I was scared to even consider reversion. There were so many things that I didn’t understand, and yet I felt like I needed to know more.

We continued to speak for quite some time. Everyday, in fact, (even now). Ahmad sent me a lot of articles to read to learn more about Islam. Which I must admit that I had only heard the term “Muslim” once as a child, and never really knew it actually existed.

In 2 days, I had read everything he had sent me. I couldn’t sleep because I was so involved with all that I was reading. I always asked him to send me more and more to read because I needed to learn everything. I couldn’t get enough of it. I suddenly found myself searching the internet for other Muslims so that I could learn even more.

At first it seemed like there was no other place I could go to get information, and after 2 days of trying to get into a chat room to speak with these people, I received a letter from a group that had accepted me into their room.

At first when I went in, I was shy and didn’t want to say anything, I just wanted to sit back and watch. That however, proved to be impossible. As soon as I entered the room I was greeted by men and women whose lives were filled with so much love. They immediately called me their sister, and asked me a lot of questions. I was a little intimidated at first, but it wasn’t long before I had relaxed enough to start asking questions.

I was greeted by a man we call Uncle Fareed. He asked me if there was anything special I wanted to know about, and at first I was mostly concerned about the way the women are to dress. I could never understand why the women had to be so covered. He was very polite and explained at length that the reason was because it was improper for a woman to show her figure to anyone except the man with whom she is married.

We spoke for several minutes, and then some other members came in and they also greeted me as their sister. One woman and one man in particular were very interested in my feelings towards Islam.

Stacey and Ehsan spoke to me online for several hours, and taught me what I wanted to know about. Soon Stacey and I were speaking alone. She explained to me that she had reverted herself only 3 years prior. 

We talked more about the different things that I was to learn, and as I spoke to her, I started feeling like this woman had so much love and respect and I wanted to be a part of that. I told her at that moment that I wanted to revert. She said she was proud of my decision, and to give her a few minutes to call someone to help me take the Shahadah.

A few moments later I was on the phone with Stacey and Ehsan. She was calling me from Massachusetts, and him from the United Kingdom. We spoke for almost 3 hours and I could feel how much these people believed in what they were saying and I knew then that I had to be a part of it. I told them that I wanted to take the Shahadah, and Ehsan guided me through it.

Before I took the Shahadah, my hands were shaking and my heart was racing because I was so nervous. When I had finished saying the words, (in Arabic even), my hands stopped shaking and I finally felt at peace. I began to cry for the joy that was in my heart. I had never before in my life had a feeling like this, and I was so happy.

Now I am a Muslim sister. My life to this day has been so much happier because I know that I have finally found the truth. I no longer speak to many of my old friends for they say that I was a fool to revert to this beautiful religion. The thing that I have learned the best, is that being a Muslim is not just words. It is an ACTION.

I finally feel like I have a place where I belong, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Allah be praised that I have finally found the true path….