Finding your mate can be a difficult challenge, and also trying to learn more about them can become an even more challenging task.
However, after tying the knot, a new challenge emerges, which can be the hardest of them all – to develop and maintain a happily married life.
They always say that if you can make it through the first year, you are in the clear.
So, how can you make it through that long roller-coaster of ups and downs in the first year?
Hopefully, you had the opportunity to get to know your spouse, their personality, and their expectations. If you were able to accomplish this, it will be much easier to find happiness through hard times.
New Muslims tend to marry quickly after taking their shahadah. They think that their spouse can help them grow and learn the deen better. This is not always the case.
Marriage in the first years is difficult, regardless if religion is a factor or not.
Lack of good communication is typically the number one cause for all divorces, even amongst non-Muslims.
The second usually stems around financial problems that arise. Now, if we throw religion into the mix, it can either cause problems in the marriage, or provide comfort when a problem arises.
Psychology plays a huge role in learning to resolve conflict, and to find happiness with a spouse.
If you and your spouse don’t understand each other’s psychology, you will surely find yourself in lots of arguments. If you can learn how the other thinks, you have something to work with, and can overcome it.
Both partners must be dedicated to learning each other’s mentality so that they can understand the other fully. Without this, you will clash about every tiny detail about everything.
“Problem Areas” in Marriages for New Muslims?
More often than not, I encounter new Muslims that are facing some scary situations, usually due to their lack of getting to know their spouse.
Most issues arise from cultural differences, while others are related to their practice of the deen. Either the new Muslim or their spouse is at a very different level in practicing Islam, than the other.
Sometimes the new Muslim is the more practicing spouse, and other times, it is the born Muslim that is the stronger one in the deen.
This is why it is critical to discuss your “level of faith” before marriage.
One may tend to want to stick to their culture, especially in regards to social norms that conflict with the views of their spouse.
You may have a spouse that feels that women are supposed to stay at home and only serve their husband.
While Islam has restrictions on some things, many Muslims go the extreme and mix culture with Islam in various things such as this. These two situations are the biggest triggers for conflict in marriages with new Muslims that I’ve seen personally.
If we look at these scenarios, we can begin to understand the various scenarios that can take place. You can find happiness, but it usually isn’t without working hard to make it happen.
New Muslims have a duty to learn about Islam and implement it in their life as they learn.
New Muslims can’t be expected to be perfect overnight, so their spouses have to remain patient, and help them find solutions.
The new Muslim has an obligation to do their best to learn and implement what they learn too, so it goes both ways.
Improve Your Adherence to Islam as a Growing Process
Many new Muslims want to slack off in their learning after marriage, which their spouse may have issues with.
Many new Muslims tend to be the more religious of the two, because they are excited about their new faith and try to do everything right.
This can be problematic if the new Muslim marries someone that neglects their faith the majority of the time.
(From Discovering Islam archive)