How to Choose Your Wife?

When you choose a wife (spouse), the hadith says that there are several things that people look at.

Some people look at wealth, some people look at beauty, other people look at the status of the person, some people look at the lineage of the person, and some people look at the deen and the religion of the person.

So many people don’t understand this narration:

… become successful by selecting the one with religion, with character and conduct coupled with deen (faith).

In one narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) says:

When a proposal comes from someone whom you are satisfied with their level of character and conduct, or in fact starting with the level of deen and character, then allow them to get married.

You’re looking at two things: character and deen. If the character is great and good, or equivalent to your slightly higher, and the deen level is equivalent to your slightly higher, then you stand a better chance for your daughter to be in a home where she will be happy. Get them married.

Why is Deen Important?

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So why is it that when it comes to wealth and looks and so on, some people think that in Islam you don’t look at looks? You know you, women are supposed to be covered, don’t look at looks! That’s wrong.

The hadith didn’t say do not look at looks, the hadith is saying when you see all the points you want to see but give the tip of the scale to the deen (faith).

Which means if you have someone who’s drop-dead gorgeous and they don’t have any deen in them, and then you have someone who hasn’t yet killed you with her looks!…

If someone comes and they are good-looking, they have a better deen in them, it is better for you to compromise the looks to a certain extent and make sure that the religion is intact, then to go only for looks because the plan of Allah is there will come a stage when that blemishless face will develop wrinkles.

If you have loved the outward face, you will not be able to get along with that woman.

About Dr. Mufti Menk
Dr. Mufti Ismail Menk is a leading global Islamic scholar born and raised in Zimbabwe. He studied Shariah in Madinah and holds a Doctorate of Social Guidance from Aldersgate University. Mufti Menk’s work has gained worldwide recognition and he has been named one of “The Top 500 Most Influential Muslims in the World” since 2010.