Are You Being Abused? Here is How to Deal

A lot of discussions that we have about abuse and domestic abuses, the misunderstanding, and the misinterpretation of the verse of the Quran, which supposedly gives people the justification.

But what I’ve noticed is that a lot of times, we don’t address people that have been abused, women that have been abused in a marriage, sometimes even husbands and children that have been abused by their parents, may be physically, sexually, emotionally abused…

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What I really wanted to do is to make a video for people that are in an abusive relationship, for people that have suffered abuse, and what they should think to do.

One thing is that understand that Allah does not let these things go unpunished, and He will not allow your patience to go unrewarded.

Allah tells us that the disbeliever would say that I wish that I was dust.

And the Prophet gave us the context of this verse saying that:

On the day of judgment, Allah, before dealing with human beings and their proceedings, He will bring the animals and He’ll bring the goat that had horns and the goat that did not have horns and if that goat that had horns oppressed the goat that did not have horns, Allah would provide an opportunity for that goat that was harmed to get their payback to get their revenge. (Muslim)

As human being, sometimes we need to understand that justice will prevail. And unfortunately, in dunya we don’t always get our way, and that’s why we understand that the hereafter is indeed compensation. And the first rule of the Day of Judgment is that, “It’s perfect justice and there’s no transgression today.”

If a child is hit by an object many times, the child will not be satisfied until you hit that object to show them that justice has been served.

So, it’s important for us to understand that belief in the Day of Judgment, that Allah will allow things to come full-circle can truly provide comfort that nothing in the world can.

Understand that Allah understands your pain and how you’ve suffered. In fact, the Prophet said that:

Allah will compensate for the rights of every servant so that the servant would wish on the Day of Judgment to return to the dunya to be amongst those who were transgressed and oppressed.

Because when Allah takes up your cause and supports you, then nothing else can interfere with that, and nothing else can be more satisfying than that.

Now, what about the dunya?

As far as the dunya is concerned, there are a few things that I wanted to share:

1- Don’t Suffer in Silence

Do not feel like you should not tell other people about that abuse, that you should not report that abuse, whether it’s spousal abuse, or whether it’s child abuse, it is extremely important.

Why?

Because numerous studies have shown that this is indeed a cycle. That people that are abused are likely to become abusers, so it’s important to stop that cycle. If you’re a wife that’s being beaten by your husband, don’t let your culture or your community guilt you into silence.

So, thinking that by being quiet you’re doing a favor. You’re not doing a favor to yourself, and you’re not doing a favor to your children. Your children would be turned off from the Deen and culture, and they might even grow up to be abusers too because they’ve witnessed that their entire lives.

You also might be risking their lives in the process and risking your life. Because if someone is guilty of continuous abuse, then what’s going to stop them?

And it might be something that triggers a stronger emotion that leads to an even greater transgression, and an even greater incident.

So, it’s important for you to understand that no matter what people say and no matter what your culture suggests, you’re not doing a favor to anybody by staying in an abusive relationship.

It is important, despite the hit that your reputation might take, to go ahead and take steps to stop that abuse.

And this is something that is well documented in our Deen.

Some people say:

“Well, I don’t want to ruin that person’s reputation.”

You shouldn’t care. That person didn’t care enough about you to not harm you, and abuse you, you should not care about their reputation.

In fact, the Prophet taught us that when you’re averting harm from another person, it’s not backbiting.

So, don’t feel guilty and don’t think that you’re doing anything unislamic when you report an abuser.

2- Take it a Mission

Another thing that I would like to share with you that I hope that you’ll take into consideration. You can feel sorry for yourself to not do anything about it, and allow yourself to fail in all other aspects of life, to fail spiritually, to fail in your career… and that would only make the abuser happier, that would only make Satan happier.

What are you going to accomplish as a result of that self-pity? Rather, take it as a mission for yourself to not only climb out of that hole, and not only overcome that distress, but to stop other abusers from doing the same thing to others.

Perhaps you can counsel other Muslim or non Muslim children that ‘I’ve suffered with abuse’ by showing them that this is something that can be overcome.

So take it as a mission. Take it as a challenge. Because Allah will certainly give you your justice on the Day of Judgment. But don’t allow yourself to fail in all other aspects.

Allow this to be your mission, allow this to be you cause. Take it up because this is certainly an issue in the Muslim community that hasn’t been spoken about enough. And we need to have more brothers and sisters rising up to help solve this problem and to provide support to those that are suffering in silence.

The Video.

 

About Omar Suleiman
Imam Omar Suleiman is the President of the Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research and a professor of Islamic Studies at Southern Methodist University. He’s also the resident scholar of the Valley Ranch Islamic Center and Co-Chair of Faith Forward Dallas at Thanks-Giving Square, a multi-faith alliance for peace and justice.