6. Prevent Past Sins from Affecting Your Future
Everyone sins, and before accepting Islam you probably had many sins that you don’t want to be reminded of, or held against you. All your prior sins before accepting Islam were erased, and you were given a new slate because God has forgiven you for them.
If a woman or her family inquires about your previous lifestyle, you don’t have to give details, and it is better to just avoid it in a nice manner. Simply remind them that God has forgiven you for sins when you accepted Islam, and that Islam has transformed you into a better person.
The less information you give, the less they have to hold against you. Don’t give them things from your past to judge you about, because they may think it is just a matter of time before you do those things again. Save yourself the headache. Think about how it can come back to haunt you in the future before you speak.
If you had sexual encounters in your past, it is recommended to make sure you test yourself for sexually transmitted diseases before searching for a spouse. If you are asked if you are a virgin, and you are not, you can be honest and simply state that you are not a virgin any longer, but don’t go into anything further than that.
You are not obligated to give specifics. Just remind them as stated earlier that your prior sins have been erased and leave it as that, because if you tell your wife, or her family anything about these encounters, it can put a dark spot on their heart towards you and implant negative thoughts about you into their mind and may increase over time. Reaffirm them that you no longer live that sort of lifestyle and strive to be a good Muslim.
7. Implement Proper Islamic Behavior at All Times
To gain respect amongst Muslim, and a future wife, and her family, you must show that you are aware and implement Islamic behavior and manners. Your reputation can either ‘make you or break you’. If you are still holding onto a non-Muslim lifestyle, manners, and behaviors, it can damage your reputation so much that you won’t have anyone to recommend you or accept you.
Do not get involved in haram relationships with a woman before marrying her, because she will realize that you didn’t follow Islam with her in the beginning and may put fear in her heart that you may not follow Islam in other ways in the future. It will only cause heartache and trust issues in the future.
You can’t begin seeking the halal by doing haram. God will not put blessings into such relationships. Gain God’s pleasure by seeking marriage in the halal ways to ensure as many blessings as possible.
Don’t expect to find a woman that models the wife of the Prophet Muhammad if you are not modeling the Prophet yourself. Be the ideal Muslim man to find an ideal Muslim wife.
8. Learn About Various Cultures & Customs
Inter-cultural marriage will always have clashes based on their differences. New Muslims often feel they must accept and integrate into their spouse’s culture. Remember that both the husband and wife will expect the other to adapt to their culture.
The important thing is to avoid learning and implementing anything that is un-Islamic. If you can agree to learn and adapt to the other’s culture, minus the un-Islamic matters, it will make things easier.
9. Remember to Make Dua’
Dua’ is the weapon of the believer, and we should make use of this gift that is a mercy upon us. God accepts the dua’s of a sincere believer.
10. Put Your Trust in Allah & Pray Istikhara
Istikhara (prayer of guidance) is another special prayer and tool that we must always use when we are seeking guidance from God on all important matters of life.
You may find a woman that you feel is suitable to marry, but if you pray istikhara, you may be given signs or indicators of things that could possibly destroy the marriage.
Zainab even postponed her marriage proposal offered by the Prophet so that she could seek council from God through istikhara first before making a decision. God is the knower of all things, and if we ask Him to show us what we are blinded to, it can save us from a lifetime of misery. Trust in God in all affairs to be guided to goodness. (2:186)
Although the ideal solution would be to snap our fingers, and bring everyone out of their fantasy world, we know we can’t change everyone else, we can only improve and change ourselves. Put your trust in God, and work on yourself, and God will reward you for your efforts with the ideal Muslim bride.
Rule of thumb: Allah doesn’t change the situation of people until they change themselves.