What to look for in a potential spouse?
This video is the fourth in a series by brother Abdel Rahman Murphy on how to get married in Islam in the context of today’s modern world.
In Part 1, he dealt with the issue of self-evaluation, to answer the question “Who am I?” in order to find the right answer to the question “Who do I really need to look for?”
In Part 2, the main focus was on how to engage parents in this process and get them involved in the journey for finding the right spouse.
In Part 3, brother Abdel Rahman gave three suggestions on how to meet somebody.
In this fourth video, the focus is on what to look for which is important for a future marriage.
In the Qur’an, Allah (SWT) says:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)
So these are the three main qualities a person should look for in a potential spouse: tranquility, affection and mercy.
Notice how this verse does not focus on money, looks and lineage.
These other matters are mentioned by Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, in a sound hadith where he says:
“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Hadith in Al-Bukhari & Muslim)
In this hadith, the Prophet, peace be upon him, is giving us guidelines. It’s OK to look for these other things, but don’t forget the level of eman and taqwa of the potential spouse, and put it at the top level of priorities.
There is no magic solution for the priority ranking of the other three criteria, as this is very much a case by case scenario with preferences that differ from one person to another.
If you are searching for a spouse, don’t miss this 7 minute video.