Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

The fact that you know you did wrong and it is bringing such get remember guilt into your life is a good sign. It means that you know your behaviour was wrong and therefore you will likely do all you can to avoid getting into this situation again.

At the moment it’s still fresh, it only happened a month ago and this is why it is still hurting you so much.  What makes it difficult is that you are faced with a constant reminder of it when you see your brother so it feels like there is no escape from your sin. As distressing as it is right now, there is a way out of this, in sha Allah.

The first and most important thing here is to turn to Allah and seek His forgiveness. Never give up in turning to Him. He loves when people ask for His forgiveness and He loves to forgive. Turn to Him in the depths of the night and beg Him. Do so with the conviction that He is the Most Merciful and will forgive. Remember that He will forgive everything and find hope in that and thrive on this knowledge. This will help you to forgive yourself.

Beyond this, there are some other practical steps you can take to help yourself. Firstly, learn a lesson from this. This was a clear example of the dangers of being alone with a member of the opposite sex. Shaytan can easily work his way into this scenario and cause such terrible events to happen. Having experienced this first hand now, it will be easier for you to avoid such situations in the future with anyone. The fear of Allah in the knowledge of His wisdom will push you away from any such situation to avoid having to go through the terrible experience and feelings that you are encountering now.

Also, right now, you have to face your brother all the time which makes it difficult for you to focus as it is a constant reminder to you which is making it difficult for you to move on and forgive yourself. Perhaps you might consider take some time away, even if just a short time, to be somewhere where you won’t b faced with this constant reminder. It will give you a chance to focus on asking for forgiveness, forgiving yourself and dealing with the emotions that you can’t seem to shake right now which is leading you to feelings of such despair. Being alone and away from the situation will provide the ideal opportunity for this to happen.

Once you are able to reach a more peaceful place you will also be able to focus more on your studies which will help taketh preoccupation with what happened away as you move on in your life. Of course, this doesn’t make what happened acceptable, but there is nothing you can do to go back and rewrite that now. Instead, you can correct you wrongs best by seeking forgiveness, and moving forward with fear of Allah in your heart and this will help to combat the feelings of despair that you are experiencing. Although, you must understand that this process takes time too and to let go of such feelings will require much patience on your part, but with persistence you can achieve it, in sha Allah.

May Allah forgive you and guide you to what is best and most acceptable in His eyes and bring your comfort in times of despair.