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Parenting Challenges (Counseling Session)

Naaila Moumaris-Clay
09 October, 2017

Salaam Alaikum Dear brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Naaila for answering the questions.

Please scroll down to read the answers to the questions below.

Feel free to contact us and send your questions anytime to:

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[email protected]

Wednesday, Oct. 11, 2017 | 16:00 - 18:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

Salam. At what age is it appropriate for a kid to get a cell phone? My child is in the 2d grade, but almost everyone has a mobile. I feel it is too early for him to have his own mobile, the PC at home is enough distraction. Please advice.



As salaam alaikum,

Your question surely sounds as if it comes from a place of concern as a parent. This is very commendable.

Surely, a loving parent will be concerned about a child’s activity wife mobile or electronic devices. There are many dangers and unwanted outcomes to be aware of.

I recommend considering the reasons for your current limitations with a mobile device. For you, it may be solely due to the young age of your child. For you, this may be enough. To assist your child with understanding your limits, you could inform him or her of the age you will agree to concede to the child having a mobile device.

Also, as a counselor and a parent, I’m also aware of the methods children and teens choose to socialize. It is much different than my own era! Mobile devices and electronics are key tools for social activity. You could opt to allow your son or daughter to have access to a mobile phone on specific days during specific times under your supervision. In doing so, your child has the opportunity to interact with peers, to have something to look forward to and feel inclusive with others. This also helps to reduce your concerns with distractions and other harms.

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At the end of the day, the final decision will be yours. I caution you to be mindful that child feels left out and socially isolated from peers, he or she may seek alternative ways to use a mobile device, without your consent. See if you can give your son or daughter limited options that respect your standard as a parent and their desire to interact in this technological age with peers.

May Allah reward you for your love and concern as a parent. Ameen

assalamu alaikum i have 7 month baby.i went Allopathic medicine hospital for eye check up.i check my daughter eye also.they told us daughter had short-sight problem with right eye 4.5 & left eye 3.5 power.they give the speces for my baby.i asked why this problem had come.they said we dont know after two year complete then only we decided what type of problem.is it ture or not.



Wa alaykum salaam

May Allah grant good and healing for your child. Ameen.

Certainly, you’re concerned for the health of your child. I recommend following the advice of the medical professionals, allow them to do their testing to learn more information and to continue making dua.

I am not a doctor and am unable to diagnose or to suggest treatment for such a condition. I do suggest listening to the advice of the medical professionals. InshaAllah.

Asa, My question is what's the role of father in hands -on parenting? Should he be helping with baby duties like giving him bath or putting him to sleep or it's only the mother's responsibility?



Sadly, many mothers report feeling married and single due to the lack of help with parental duties from the father.

I will not suggest which roles either parent should play based upon gender or role. It may be easier for the mother to give the nightly care due to scheduling. In another household, it is better suited for the father to do so. A father may be better at provider a type of care most mothers would do and vice versa. I suggest using a method that highlights what each of you do best!

Research affirms that children with an active father are better able to regulate emotions, more confident, and are more socially active than others. This shows the active presence of the father in the day-to-day care of a child is crucial.

Ask your husband his idea of what he could contribute as a father. He may have ideas! Some fathers are very reluctant around small children. I don’t know the age of your child, but this could also contribute to his hesitation. In addition, what do you know about his family upbringing? What role did his father play in his life? What has he seen men do with children?

Now, his family history does not let him off the hook regarding his own parenting! However, it may give insight into his frame of reference. All of us bring the history of our family of origin into a marriage. Find out  what his frame of reference is from his childhood. Then, identify what he’s willing to do to impact your family unit at home! You may be surprised at what the two of you come up with.

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Many men become more engaged as children get older and can play sports, ride a bike or do things that man may prefer to do. It won’t feel fair to you right now, but at least you’d have an idea of his thought process! A toddler is cute and fun, but require safety limits, breaks and hygiene care many men aren’t always aware of. Again, not all fathers are this way!

Thousands of fathers happily change diapers through the night! And others are waiting to teach their son or daughter to ride a bike!

A child deserves to have the best each parent has to offer. InshaAllah. Begin with having conversations with your husband to learn what he’s willing to do to allow the child to develop properly.

Salamu alaikum. My daughter who is 10 is talking much about love and becomes very shy when a boy wants to play with her in the club or at school. I s this normal? I thought this age should be pure and innocent. How can I explain to her that she can play with them and there is nothing wrong in this to feel shy about? she is still too young to think about love and this stuff. Isn't she?



Wa alaykum salaam,

Ahh… the innocence of youth is something a parent wants to keep for their child! This is a good thing.

First, I recommend giving an honest assessment of the child’s environment to identify where she may have gotten these messages of love. Influences come from so many places!

I agree with you. Age 10 still has so much fun and innocence involves. Preserving it is a must. I recommend asking your daughter the reasons she hesitates to play with boys. Having modesty is a good thing. She may feel confused about playing with boys and having appropriate boundaries. We don’t know. Clear up misconceptions she may have be asking what she believes is the best engagement between boys and girls.

Lastly, this may be her personality. She may be a young girl who will be modest in the presence of boys! If so, allow her to have her innate personality. She gets to develop her own personality. InshaAllah.

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Salamu alaikum. I have a 6 years old son who is in first grade this year. He is very clever MashaAllah but he is hyperactive and wants to play all the time. I find it very difficult and time-consuming to get him concentrate and do his homework and I end up yelling at him, unfortunately. I hate yelling at him especially when it comes to learning and education but his lack of concentration drives me crazy. Do you have any suggestions with regard to how can handle this situation?



As salaam alaikum,

This sounds like it can be a struggle for you as a parent! May Allah grant ease for you. Ameen

Let’s see what we can do to change this experience for each of you! InshaAllah. I bet this interaction with your child feels horrible and exhausting.

First, I recommend developing an after school plan with your child! This allows you and your child to collectively plan the routine for the day. Your child knows what you expect daily and they have input! Work together to make a clear schedule.

Also, while you may feel like a Drill Sergeant, stay very close or sit beside your child while doing homework. I tell parents whatever grade your son or daughter is in, so are you! He or she needs to know you hold them accountable. It may require you to be fully engaged with them and as your child shows progress Witt increased attention span, you can leave him or her for 15 minute intervals and then, check in again.

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Next, offer your child items to manipulate or fidget with while doing homework! This extra energy has to go somewhere. Use stress balls. Offer play dough. If a little boy spends 2 minutes making an airplane from play dough, but you also get 10-15 minutes of focus from him in exchange, it’s worth it!

Lastly, background noise can also soothe the inattentiveness of some children. Play appropriate children’s songs or white noise. You can find apps that play noises such as a hair dryer, washing machine or a heart beat! Kids love these noises! Find 1 or 3 your child may have delight in!

InshaAllah, I’m praying for your good. Parenting has so much joy and this  issue appears to be a test for you. Try some of these tips. Thank you!