Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the previous counseling session about hardships and struggles with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 7 questions that our counselor has provided an audio answer for.

We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming Live Sessions. Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Can I ask him in my Dua? Is it a true repentance?

I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 and a half years. This guy liked me for 3 years but never told me. Then after 3 years we got to know each other through a friend and we became friends which led to relationship. We both were of same mindset. We never were into dating and everything but we ended up falling into this. He told his parents about me since he was pretty serious and our intention was to make it Halal one day (which now i realize that we were wrong). We kept everything private. Never did we flex our relationship on social media except our close friends knew. Things led to things and we ended up getting physical (kissing). After 2 years things kinda got messed up between us and our lives got busier. He got overwhelmed and told me that he doesn’t feel same for me anymore and he doesn’t want to get into relationships anymore but rather focus on his studies. I begged him and all that how can he tell me he doesn’t love me anymore. I went into anxiety and stress which brought me closer to Allah and I then repented. I started Tahajjud and voluntary fasting. I also started doing more zikr of Allah. The guilt doesn’t let me live in peace that I disappointed Allah and even my parents (they dont know anything). Also there is a huge confusion in my head. I still love that guy and I ask Allah to make him good for me so I be in halal relationship with him. I tell Allah that I dont want past with someone else and future with someone else. I feel guilty of making this dua. It’s like i have sinned with that guy how can I ask him back.
Makes me feel that my repentance is not genuine. Also I get these thoughts that Allah will not grant me that guy since I sinned with him. My mom says to me that Allah is what you think he is but why sometimes these thoughts trouble me so much.
Can you clear my confusion

Answer:

Question 2. How to react to men touching women inappropriately in public?

I go to conferences for professionals. Whenever the participants have to go to the same location at the same time (for eg. exiting the conference hall or getting our food at the buffet), there is a man that comes behind me and touches my buttocks. When I look at him, he turns away his face. This makes me very angry. These men usually walk away like they didn’t do anything. It doesn’t matter what I am wearing : loose clothing, a tunic that covers my buttocks. It happens, and with both Muslim men and non-Muslim men. When this happens in a non professional setting (for e.g. in a shop) I usually have a reaction that deters the man from doing it again : I tell all the people nearby what he did OR I grab his hand and twist it. If I tell participants at a conference what he did or twist his hand, it’s going to take focus away from the conference. I’m concerned that people won’t see me first as a professional who attended the conference, but as a woman who complains about an assault that no one saw with their own eyes. How should I react to these assaults in a professional setting like a conference?

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Question 3. Suggestions if I should get a divorce

Asalamualaikum I am a 32 year old women and a little overweight I got married 9months ago and lives in a joint family My husband is caring but very controlling he always insults me over my looks over my low grads in school and college always keep on saying I am of no use. He has this habit of sharing every secret or topic discussed between me and him with his mother. Her mother always abuses me and my family. My husband doesn’t allows me to talk to my parents or siblings or anyone else. He also abuses my siblings and say rubish about my parents. He keep on judging me wrong with on every line a say or ask him. He even slaps me when he is angry. I am now 2 month pregnant but the behaviour is same of my husband and my in laws. I am just dipressed with my life and thought of killing myself many a times. Is it okay to get a divorce him. Am I going against Islam? Please help

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Question 4. Mrs

I have been married for 22 years, my husband has always had issues with communicating with me. He loves talking to his friends and family. Spends most of his time on the mobile, watches porn. I have now had enough and asked him to leave me, but he totally ignores what I say, and does not care about anything. He does not want to change, is stubborn and childish. We have 2 girls, and they see his behaviour. I pray everyday for him to change or move on in life so we can live peacefully. I have told his dad he is irresponsible, and this made no difference. Please can you advise.

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Question 5. Relationship

Its a long story. And i know it looks childish to ask for advice on my situation. But i need help, i cant bear the pain im in.

I Met a boy some times ago. We are both muslim. But lives 3 hours away from each other, but in the same country. We were together for 6 months. I never loved Anyone as i loved him. 3 weeks ago we were together for 5 days. I went over to him. We had to talk because i told him that i been feeling that he is being distant. We started to talk and i cried. He told me that he is feeling guilty for doing haram and being in a relationship and sining. When i first Met him he wasnt that religious. He didnt pray and so on, but i helped him, and he has been praying since then, and become much more religious. He dont want us to be in a relationship since its haram. And he cant marry me now because he is Young, with no financial stability or Education.

He told me that he even asked his parents What to do. He even Got their advice on marriage. They Think he is too Young. And he thinks he is too Young too, and has no finance. He told me its best to break up. He dont want me or him to commit sins. We both cried. We love each other. We spend the last days together, we Will make duaa. If allah wants us to meet again we Will he told me. I cant bear this pain. I see no future without him. I never meet someone Like him or forget him, i want him,

He is scared to hurt me if we keep in contact, because he dont know What the future brings, and he is scared if we keep in contact that we dont have a future.

I love him. But i know he is now ready for marriage in the next few years. But i cant live a future without him without so much pain. And i Think there is no chance that we Will cross paths again in the future if i give him up

Yesterday we talked again. And agreed to break up for good this time because its haram. But it hurts so much. It hurts because there is no chance that i meet him in the future. I cant bear the pain. I dont know What to to. I Will make duaa evey Day to meet him again one Day. But i really dont Think he will be my future. I see no chance. I dont know What to do.
What is your advice? And how Can i end up with him? And did we do the right thing, and do you Think there is Any chance that i see him one Day in a halal Way?

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Question 6. I regret getting married

Hello , i married the person i loved everything was totally fine, however his unmarried sister always interferes with our relationship and life matters, not only that but she also disrespected me so many times in different ways but when i discuss the issue with my husband he always defend her and treats me like I’m a liar, now i feel like it’s changing our relationship dynamics and im starting to withdraw feelings, im starting to hate him…. If i haven’t had my baby girl i would file a divorce. My question is how to fix the dynamics? And how to know if it’s time to separate

Answer:

Question 7. Confused Feelings in Islam

Salam alaikum
This may be pretty long but I hope you understand what I mean and how I feel.
I started practicing Islam last year and I feel my Iman at the time which I started. Praying tahajjud doing the Monday and Thursday Sunnah fasting and some other good deeds and Sunnahs and also avoid harams. At that time I used to feel guilty for my sins I even felt guilty for cheating on animals all I’m trying to say in short is that I use to feel my Iman. But I started to think I over burden my self in this religion that I have to take it easy immediately I took that decision of taking it easy on myself I felt like my Iman has dropped since then I have been struggling to search for my Iman back.lately I have some kind of feelings I don’t know how to explain them I have been feeling I will go to hell and I feel like I have a jinn inside of me because I feel Allah is drawing me closer and this thing inside of me that I don’t know doesn’t want to move further I don’t know want it is if I try to push like force my self closer to Allah it may not even last for a day or maybe 2 days I don’t know what to do I’m really confused I can’t even explain how I feel because I just get mixed feelings that I can’t explain I hope you understand me
Jazakallah khairan

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