Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Thank you for participating in the session.
Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor provided audio answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.
Question 1. Making Dua to Marry Me
Salaam, my haram relationship of about 5 months recently ended. We both entered it on the agreement that we’d be married within a year. As it was 5 months, I felt it was about time we got families involved. He turned around and said he’s feeling sad within himself all the time. He enjoys seeing me but I’ve become a distraction from his inner sadness. Now he has said he’s not ready to get married as he doesn’t know if that’s what he wants in life. He said he needs to be alone for a while and figure things out. Alhamdullilah I’m taking it on my chin as I believe this was Allah’s way of giving me a way out of haram. And whilst I am heartbroken, I’m trying to repent and ask for forgiveness. Is it wrong of me to also pray that Allah forgives him too and makes him ready to ask for my hand in marriage even though he’s told me he’s not ready? I know he has a lot of pressure from his family, a lot of job stress and housing stress too. And he’s always said he cares for me. I just want to know if I am doing right by myself to pray for something he so explicitly said he didn’t want.
Question 2. My Brother Needs Support, Please Help!
I just came to know about my brother who has been going through hard time mentally for 4 years but none of us knew it before.
I don’t know the back story but all I know is that he was a friend with a transgender and he or she was involved in some illegitimate activities, he once told us that he wants to help him get out of this and live honorable life but he won’t. Idk what actually happened but I only knew that he saw him somewhere on social media and he couldn’t hold himself back and says that he’s gonna end his life now because he’s been through a very hard time because of him. Idk what to do now I can’t talk to him because I came to know about this from someone else and don’t know what to do. I’m very depressed hearing this.
Please help me help my brother. I don’t want anything bad happening to him,
Question 3. Husband Doesn’t Keep His Promise & Divorce His Cousin
My husband and I have been serious with each other since 2018 and our Nikah was in 2023 throughout this whole period he reassured me that we would get married and he called me his “wife”. We are long distance at the moment.
This summer he informed me that this whole time he had been cheating on me and deceived me. He has been married to his cousin for 5 years and has been living with her and has been intimate with her many times.
He said they were getting a divorce – but cannot prove it. He still lives with her and her children from her previous marriage. Once he told me that he married her so that she should remarry her ex-husband (as they had been divorced 2 times) – when I questioned why they needed to be married for 5 years for this to happen he changed his story. He said he only married her to protect her from evil men taking advantage of her.
I have always told him that I cannot stand people who lie or deceive. He always said that he felt the same.
Before our Nikah he promised me that he would block his ex-wife (also his cousin) and remove her from his life. He still lives with her.
My husband rarely has time to talk to me on the phone – he always seems busy. I understand he works all day and finishes late but, I would just like him to be able to talk to me like how we used to before our Nikah. Whenever we do manage to talk one of us gets angry and the call ends. I question him when he will move out and not live with his ex-wife and gets angry that I mention her.
He does not take my feelings seriously and makes me feel small. He always says that my “brain does not work” and that I am a liar – I have never lied to him.
I feel so depressed and helpless. I don’t know what to do. Should I get a divorce or should I keep trying?
Question 4. Not Consummated Our Marriage Yet
I have been married for four years now. The first year was rough. We didn’t consummate our marriage and weren’t even talking or communicating with each other. During our engagement we used to talk with each other. But after we got married, everything changed. We didn’t spend time together. We didn’t travel. We didn’t even go out together. In the bedroom there was no intimate relationship between us. I tried discussing this with him, but he shut down or used to say that husband and wife live like this and so it’s normal that there isn’t any intimacy between us. After a point I had enough and after 13 months of marriage I left him and went to my parents. I lived with them for 2 years.
After those 2 years my husband came and said that he wanted to reconcile and that this time we will have a happy married life. At first, I hesitated and didn’t want to go. I didn’t really believe him. I thought he must be pressurized by his parents to bring me back. I went back and we’ve been living together for almost one year now. In this year, even after everything that happened between us, there is still no intimacy. I am trapped in a loveless and sexless marriage. I sometimes even think that my husband hates me, as he never showed affection. We still don’t spend time together and we haven’t consummated our marriage either. We have been married for 4 years. And have spent 2 of these years together in one room. I tried addressing the matter again. He is making excuses and is still avoiding to start a sexual relation with me. I have stated that I love him and that Allah gave us the right to get married and get halal love from our spouse and that it’s our Islamic right to get intimate with each other. This marriage never felt like a union of two people. We don’t share anything with each other and rarely talk. I try to have conversations, but it’s not replicated, thus we don’t have anything to talk about. We can sit for hours in one room without even talking to each other. We have never touched each other, kissed, hugged or held hands. I live with my in-laws and see happy couples around me. It makes me sad and sometimes jealous. Like why am I not blessed with a blissful and happy marriage. Every day I wake up and motivate myself that one day everything will fall into place and that my married life will definitely get better. The reason I am still holding on to hope is because I came back after 2 years. I was desperate and unhappy in those years without him and hoped to be reunited with him, if that was in my khair. Allah reunited us and thus I believe that there must be a reason. Otherwise, we would have long been divorced. My mother knows that we haven’t consummated our marriage yet. I long for an intimate and romantic relationship with him. But he can’t give that to me. I am starting to get depressed again. I don’t know what I should do. I really do love him and don’t want to leave him again. I am hoping that there is still a way. I just don’t know how this is viewed Islamically. I would love to hear your advice on whether I should stay or leave this marriage.
Question 5. Feeling Unhappy in Marriage
I’m unhappy in my recent marriage. The guy turned out to be someone completely different. He won’t provide for me and won’t live with me. He listens only to his family and we always fighting. I can’t live like this forever with him. I feel like this is the biggest mistake I’ve made. Even though everyone was stopping me.
Question 6. Parental Arguments Make Me Feel Down
Ever since I was small and could understand things, I have always seen my parents’ fight. Sometimes it escalated to verbal and physical fights. These fights have been continuing for 17 and more years. My mother always felt that my father is always wrong and doesn’t do what she wants him to do. She thinks that he is selfish and will only do things for himself. She would always call him names, bring up his parents into arguments. She would always doubt him and keep telling him that he is ruining us and spoiling us, although he is the one who always gives us lectures on how to be satisfied with what Allah(swt) has given us. But with what I have seen she continues to be delusional about him, always doubting his righteousness calling him a liar while I know him to be the most truthful person in this world, who would say the truth to get the toughest of punishments. Now my mum says that she has suffered long enough and wants to file a divorce and she wants us to be with her, she has never treated me nicely and my dad have caught her saying untrue things about me. I never badmouth about her and complain about her to anyone but here the situation has gone through the roof. My 3 brothers are seeing exactly what I had seen all those years ago, and these real-life nightmares do not end.
I had planned to run away plenty of times but I could not tear off myself from the bond I had created with my father. My mother always misinterpreted about my father’s words. She would forcefully stress him out and make him say stuff we can’t imagine he would. He was always a peaceful and righteous person to us who would love us with his heart but my mother no is trying to take that away and she has been like this to me, she would physically hurt me all the time, and when I am wrong, I do not argue with her but when she does it without any valid reason I resort to argument because I can’t bear her shouting. She has said many things to me which would genuinely hurt. My mother is always being delusional, thinking that everyone is talking about her, be boastful about her family and her degree. And I am not sure if Allah (swt) is on whose side. Am I and my father the one sinning or is it her?
Question 7. Parents Don’t Let Me Leave My Job for Business
I am an officer. My organization is not morally upright but at the same time one is not compelled to do wrong. I want to leave and join a startup my brother started some years ago. Yes, it’s not earning good or at all but it’s halal and will remain so and grow so, me are my brother are well educated and ambitious.
Now, I don’t see any wrong in it and believe Allah will help me in the journey nut my parents can’t take any of it. They think it’s a mistake and I will suffer, in short, they have ordered me not to do so and that is followed by emotional statements like not keeping contact and what not common in Indian culture and also in ours)
Is it disobedience of parents?
That’s my main concern and they have done this in the past by not allowing me to do bachelors aboard in another Muslim country- I think they are scared
But the question is if it comes in domain of disobedience? Because I think Allah has given free will to all.
Question 8. My Mum Doesn’t Let Dad Marry a Second Wife
I am asking on behalf of my mother. My dad starts loving another woman and decides to marry her now. He never loved my mom and just fulfilled his duties for providing basic necessity. And now my mom denies him to get married to other women, he says she’s gonna regret and she will have laanat of Allah swt. Is it true?
Monday, Nov. 20, 2023 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT
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