Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the counseling session with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 8 questions that our counselor has provided an answer for. We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming Live Sessions. Thank you for your understanding.

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general. They are purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Question 1. Self – esteem

Assalamualaikum,

I’m having difficulty to accept and embrace myself. Like i feel that i dont love myself. How can I love myself when i know how bad i am? And in the other side i always seek something good and flawless so for me to accept my weakness is not an easy thing to do. That’s why  i like to change myself and hide my true self. At some point i dont feel like being myself and starting to question does the side of me that people know really me? Or i just never be myself? Then which one is the true? I also dont really understand what i’m feeling, am i happy or sad. Why am i crying? Does that mean i’m sad? Am i really sad because of that? I’m not sure….

I’m sorry if my question is complex and thank you.

Answer:

Question 2. Praying to Allah for my death: Is it okay/Is it disrespectful?

Hello. I am not fluent in English but I hope I’ll be able to deliver my question well. You see, I am raised in a Muslim family, and I have learned since I was young that suicide is one of the biggest sin a muslim can commit in his life. Hence, it has been emdedded to me to not resort to it.

But for the past months, I have been very lonely- depressed, I think. I am now in the point where living terrifies me more than the hellfire.

Since God owns my life, it is only rightfully so that God will also take it away from me at His will. Hence, I pray desperately, “please, end my life.” But no matter how much I cry, I find myself alive the next morning only to suffer again from another day of mental prison.

To be truthful, I have lost passion for this life. I no longer feel anything. Now, I can no longer pray for anything worldly aside from my desire for death, regardless whether my afterlife leads to heaven or hellfire.

So my question is: If I continue to feel this way, is it wrong for me to continue this prayer to God? Or should I just stop making this du’a even though it’s the only time I communicate with God.

Thank you : )

Answer:

Question 3. Learning about other religions

Assalamu alaikum. I strongly believe in Islam and worship none except Allah. I believe that Mohammed (PBUH) was His messenger and the prophet.
I have an interest in learning about other religions but I do not actually ‘believe’ them. I do it merely for learning about people around me and having good understanding. But nothing can tempt me to lose my Imaan. I would like to ask if it is haraam to study about other religions. Also, I’m facing frequent waswasa regarding this about sin and punishment, causing anxiety in me. But if it is permissible, I would like to continue learning. Please advise me..

Answer:

Question 4. Mom is cheating on dad

Assalamualykum, at the time of me writing this I do not have much time so I will try to summarize as simple as possible, my mother and father after we have moved to america have started ti drift away from each other, they fight frequently and have stopped to talk to each other overall. While all this was going on my mom had been talking to a man from her work and when I tried to confront her about it she guilt tripped me on how terrible her and our life is. Our life was not terrible at all she always blamed it on my father who has always been a honest and hardworking man who i respect very much. I dont know what to do I just feel like im drifting farther away from my faith and have been feeling suicidal and I would really appreciate any advice on what to do because I am lost.

Answer:

Question 5. My deen gets to hard for me.

I’ve too many problems in deen. Being in mind, being doubts in salah or wudu.
Also getting like kufur and shirk thoughts, needing to proofing my self that I’m a Muslim multiple times a day.
Feeling lonely a lot.
I very badly want to marry, but it’s pretty much impossible.

Sorry for so much negativity
I just have no one after Allah.
My family only invites me to shirk or bid3ah.
They are like from this extreme Sufi sect.
I’ve a lot of practicing friends in Masjid, but they never have time for me, even my ustadh.

I ask Allah help a lot…

Answer:

Question 6. OCD and mild depression

Assalamualaikum, I pray you are keeping well. this question is quite lengthy:
I was drawn closer to Islam last year Alhamdulillah midway through the covid period. thereafter I started maintaning a ‘habits journal’ and overall considered myself accomplishing(?) although I would also berate myself for getting arrogant and thinking highly of myself. then It suddenly occured to me that i was probably living off haram as i highly doubt my parents income category fit the criteria of halal(my mum’s a middle school science teacher),but she also conducts ‘tuition’ classes for students of different grades. the school has written in their contract that this isnt allowed. This was eating me up so i brought it up to my mother and she disregarded it,saying that it was a ruling that was merely words.most of the management knows she conducts classes and they dont really mind.nevertheless,I was still upset about it. My entire thoughts were filled up wth that I was consuming haram.I sort of lost motivation to do well in my studies because i reasoned that since it was funded by her income,that would make whatever i earned in the future technically haram as well. This was my thought process. I sort of resigned myself to condemnation,but i still continued with my praying and doing ‘good’.however soon i noticed that was not pronouncing Al-Fatiha right(Im south asian and havent learned tajweed.I also wast aware of how in the Arabic language seeminl subtle differences accounted for a huge change in meaning). this caused me a lot of distress and I spent a long time listening to al fatiha over and over again. then i leanred that one has to peform ghusl after wet dreams& wash off discharge if its madhii. I didnt know and I blame it on me. I perfromed ghusl again and i cried about it. then i learned that if theres dirt blocking off water reaching skin,ghusl isnt valid. I noticed dirt in the cracks of my feet and under my foot nails. I did that and made ghusl again,although I was miserable .two weeks later i had to go to the doctor because I had an ingrown toenail infection resulting from cutting deep. And althrough this, I would also pray twice or thrice because my pronunciation was never right and I always either forgot what rakat i was on/whether i farted etc..I would make wudhu and had issues whether water was reachng where it was supposed to reach, and my hair would be dripping wet with water and my prayer garbs i had to put away because theyd gotten black like fungus from the amount of water on my head. chopped my hair off and it feels less burdensome now. by this point id given up most of the sunnah acts i used to do(like lisening to Al-Mulk before going to sleep and praying the sunnah prayers). but I also didnt manage to get anything else don because these thoughts would keep me occupied and I would dread praying but still kept praying.i finally thought i had ocd, and my mother-who was very concerned,took me to a counsellor. it’s been a month. It hasnt got better. Im also hesitant to speak to my familty because they get annoyed.Im also doubting as to whether i actually have ocd or whethetr its something im telling myself i have. currently I face issues with: discharge because i have no idea how to differentiate from what. I think ive also gotten an infection due to douching – i feel itchiness and thersedes white/yellow/yellowish green discharge. I keep having to get a change of clothes due to it and its costing a lot because my countries going through a huge econmic crisis right now. websites like islamqa recommend washing the soiled area in the clothes but i fear that my result in my condition worsening.Do I have to or can I just ignore it and not even change my clothes? I dont drink water because i hate to pee because then i have to wash my entire body. I hate sleeping because im afraid of having a wet dream and I hate having to make ghusl. I feel like i have a urine incontinency even though when i check its mostly dicharge or nothing.I have to say my shahadah everytime. Ive almost given up because I think i was never a good muslim ever at all in my life. I cant talk to my family now becasue they find me and my repetitive doings annoying. again, I dont know if I actually do have ocd,although the counsellor said so i think she may have been confused by what i said because i didnt leave it for her to diagnose but diagnosed myself with. I also think that i showed symptoms before -when i was about 9/10, I always felt a need to make things even:if i touched/knocked something with one hand,i would have to touch it or knock it with my left hand or my hands would feel weird. and id go check taps/the fridge to see if id closed it properly multiple times .

Answer:

Question 7. what is my responsibility towards my sisters after their marriage and how should i deal with it when it is evident that they are spoiling my families happiness

I was staying with my wife and kids in ksa.Recently i send my family back home . I discussed it with my mother before send my family and my mom was happy about it but my sisters are not happy with it. They are torturing my wife and my kids are suffering the most. I love my mother and sisters. Lately i have noticed that my sisters are feeding wrong things to my mother and even my father is not happy with them.

kindly suggest.

Answer:

Question 8. How to handle narcissistic traits in parent.

Assalamualikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. I am in need of some guidance around my relationship with my mother. We share a rather formal relationship and have never been very close. My mother has narcissistic traits which I find very difficult to deal with, and often I get upset. I cannot be right about anything no matter the situation, my opinion cannot be valid no matter my experience, my existence cannot be important no matter my age. Historically she makes degrading jokes about me to others, she speaks to me in a very degrading manner in front of my husband and she will make a joke to others of things I have tried doing to please her.
I do my best to avoid speaking with her about issues that arise as it always ends in her being upset and leading to an argument. In cases where I have brought an issue up, and I’ll say what happened was wrong, my mother will start saying she is an evil, horrible, animal who’s always wrong, words I have not said. Naturally I feel guilty and leave things be until again something else happens and the same cycle is repeated. No matter how calmly or how respectfully I bring up an issue, it will be twisted into something else. It’s tiring being unable to speak on topics that are necessary because of the fear of repercussion and fear my of Allah being upset with me. My mother doesn’t see being wrong or making a mistake as part of her being human, she sees it as some major defect that isn’t possible. Usually issues build up to a point where the trust is non existent, and the frustration reaches a peak. I am aware of the rights my mother has over me as ordained by Allah and I try my best to fulfill them, although I falter at times and make mistakes as all humans do. I am also aware the only way I will be able to truly fulfill those rights towards my mother is if I lose my existence by being an extension of my mother and not an individual being. My question is what should I do in this situation to make things easy on my mother and myself? How can I improve the relationship?

Answer: