#4

As-Salaamu ‘alalikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhum

Are you married? Do you like him too? Are you worried about this being “wrong” in Islam or “on the job”, or both?

If you are not married, then there is nothing “wrong” with him feeling something for you, or vice versa—actually, there is nothing “wrong” with either of you “feeling” whatever you feel, even if you are married—we can’t stop feeling what we “feel”—we can only not express it—especially when our feelings are for people of the opposite gender when we are married –to express them then is wrong, and/or to express them in wrong ways is wrong when we are married!

If you feel that because this situation is “on your job” and that it is what is wrong with it, I don’t agree. This world throws us (males and females) together in the work place, at school, in the mall, in taxis, etc. etc. etc.… Do you think that that w (men and women) are not going to react to each other just because the world got it wrong! The fact that we feel things for each other is the very reason why, in Islam, we separate the genders—so that they are not constantly under the threat of temptation, especially when they are married. But, alas, we live in a world that is not ruled by the wisdom of Islam, so we have to figure out how to deal with it. And, it is not “dealing with it” to think that the feelings are wrong or the problem—they are inescapable. A problem arises only when people act inappropriately on their feelings, in response to their feelings. That is when feelings become “wrong”.

Now, you may think that the feelings are inappropriate because your culture has taught you that. But, I say that that is only a cultural thing and not Islam; feelings are never inappropriate because we can’t escape them–JUST WHAT WE DO WITH THEM is the thing that can be inappropriate.

It sounds like this poor guy is trying to hide his feelings but can’t. So, please give him some credit for that. The way you made it sound in your question is that he was doing something “wrong” with his feelings. He can’t help feeling! He can help acting on them. Then, then, then, if he does something inappropriate, then, that would be a very different discussion all together.

If he is behaving inappropriately, take action to protect yourself. However, if he is just suffering with his own feelings, have mercy on him and try to help him out by letting him know that you cannot reciprocate his feelings. Can you rearrange things at your job so that he does not have to be around you?

If you feel something for him too (and you are not married), there is nothing wrong with advancing both your interests. Just do it in the right way according to Islamic law. If you are married, can you rearrange things so that he does not have to be around you—or let him know, somehow tactful, that you are married (if he does not know already). That should help him cool his emotions, inShaAllah.

My dear sister, culture has poisoned Islam, so please try to figure out what is culture and what is Islam. Also, culture can be the enemy of Islam (like you having to work around men), so please try to figure out how to deal with it without blaming the victim.

May Allah Make it easy for you.

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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