Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam dear sister,

 

It sounds like you live under very difficult conditions for a number of reasons. Your relationship with your husband is not good, your in-laws seem to make things difficult, and with neighbours coming in and out of your home without permission, it is understandable why you have reached out for advice.

 

What you are going through is a common problem when the in-laws stay with a couple. Difficulties often arise from the competition between the in-laws and spouse.

 

Regaring the relationship with your husband, I wonder if part of the problem is his discomfort with showing you love and affection when his mother is around. Many people feel shy to show affection to their spouses when their parents are around. Perhaps, if there is any time when your mother-in-law is not around, you could discuss this matter. Failing that, if she is always around, then the two of you could go out together and discuss it- just the two of you.

 

After 16 years and 2 children things are obviously different to when you first got together. Thus, the two of you need to work together to re-kindle healthy relations again. Once this love blossoms again, more intimate relations will naturally follow. One way to do this could be to take up a hobby together, both working towards a common goal to help rebuild relations beginning with a common task. Make sure to block out time to either work on this or to simply spend time together, have dinner together – just the two of you, even if it is just once a week for an hour.

 

As for neighbours coming in and out without permission, this isn’t really acceptable. Firstly, from an Islamic perspective, visitors should seek permission before entering someone else’s house. As a Muslim woman, you obviously want to ensure that you are properly dressed when visitors enter in case there is a non-mahram male entering. Therefore, it is not appropriate for people to be entering like this.  You have the right to ensure that this habit stops. Discuss this with your husband and mother-in-law. Make them aware of your concerns of maintaining your dignity as a Muslim woman around people who are visiting the house. Tell them that you don’t mind them visiting, but they should not be allowed to just enter without permission as per Islamic principles. If it is something that has gone on for some time, it will likely take time to make changes and you will need to be patient with this and possibly remind your husband and mother-in-law again. As relations with your husband are re-kindled, he will be more understanding of this and more respectful of your own wishes.

 

May Allah (swt) bring contentment between you and your husband and may He (swt) bring comfortable relations with your mother-in-law.

 

Salam,