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Audio Counseling Q/A on Engagement, Marriage & Divorce

Dear brothers and sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor is providing answers soon. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. Wish to Marry Her

As-salamu alaykum, I want to ask about cousin marriage.

I like my 2nd cousin she lives in another country and she comes in every 1 year or 6 month and she come to our home. I love to talk to her and spending time with her. I like her when I was 16 years old. I don’t have courage to ask her and she is also 22, 6 month older than me. How will I tell her that I like her?

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I have very few time because her parents have started looking into the relationship for her marriage so what should I do? I have no choices and I don’t think that my mom and dad will accept suddenly and my grandmother and all family members says that I should marry her.  I think that if I will ask him and he rejected so how do I feel when I see her and what she will think about me? I am very worried about this.


Question 2. How to Deal with My Messy Brother

I’m a 20-year-old female student, sharing a dorm with my 21-year-old brother, which has become problematic. Initially, I was set to study in another city, but my parents persuaded me to stay local and change my curriculum. My brother lost his dorm due to negligence and convinced me to share a dorm with him, though I was hesitant due to his disrespectful and messy behavior.

He’s untidy, never cleans, orders me around, and relies on me financially. I pay for groceries while he contributes nothing, straining my budget as I only have a scholarship for my expenses. I’ve raised these issues with my parents, but they dismiss them, citing familial obligation.

I’d had enough and decided not to renew the dorm contract. My parents responded with blackmail and accusations of selfishness, tying it to our religious and cultural values. I renewed the contract last year due to limited options, but the situation worsened.

By now, my brother’s behavior escalated; he’s physically aggressive, takes my belongings, and feels entitled to everything in the dorm. After a confrontation over a strainer he took, he pushed me violently against the wall multiples times. When I called my parents, they sided with him, accusing me of being the aggressor. Now, I’m conflicted about reporting him, which will lead to big problems but it seems like the only way for both him and my parents to realize that they’ve done something really wrong.


Question 3. In Love with a Girl Who Is Engaged with Someone Else

Assalamu Alaikum,

Even though I was a Muslim I didn’t pray and take my religion seriously. After understanding Islam, I repented to Allah but the problem was that before this repentance I used to love a girl, who was and is Muslim, and older than me by like 3 years. I loved her so much that I can’t even imagine any other girl. I am so affectionate to her that I don’t feel affection for other girls. I was always protective and maybe caring to her. But the problem is that I didn’t know that she was engaged with another man who is also very high profile and they both madly love each other. I was fully shocked after that it has been 1 year but I still can’t forget her. And even though I want her to marry me it is quite impossible because I am a student who still depends on his parents.

Now I am stuck. I can’t even move forward or backward. Sometimes I think that if I marry another girl that girl will be cheated on because I can never love that girl more than her, even now I do not feel interested in any other girl but her.

As I said earlier maybe I am caring to her I said maybe because whenever I do something caring for her, I always mess up and end with a fight and now I think she hates me the most.

I don’t know what to do. Please help me.


Question 4. My Threatening Mum

Hi. I have been having quite many issues with my mother mainly because since she got divorced, she has been chatting inappropriately with other men. When I confronted her, she told me that I am a burden to her and tells me to not interfere and that I shouldn’t care even if she goes to hell. She also threatens me with suicide if I ask her to change her ways and taunts me of being more religious than her to be able to tell her what is wrong and right. I am living in an impossible situation where I fear she may harm herself and also does not let me distance from here and continues to do those things in the same room and it highly disturbs me. I don’t know how to take her hurtful words yet maintain a loving bond with her. I have started having nervous breakdowns and anxiety issues and she doesn’t care one bit. She is supposed to be my mother. Mother with whom God has compared his love to be 70x of which. How can a mother treat her child this way? How should I deal with this situation?


Question 5. Parents Rejecting My Marriage Choice Due to Non-Muslim In-Laws

Salams. I am interested in marriage to a revert. My mother married a revert to Islam and both my parents have said it was a very difficult journey due to the non-Muslim in-laws (my father’s parents). They do not want me to go through the same hardships they went through and therefore are disapproving of my want to marry a revert. It has been very difficult at home.

My mum is very stressed that her grandchildren will be raised in an un-Islamic way due to any influence from the non-Muslim in-laws. The guy I want to marry has assured me that me and our kids will be his priority and that Islam is what we will teach the children and his parents need to respect that. I am happy to marry him as his deen is growing and his character is amazing.

But I need my parents to be happy for me to happily proceed. They have proposed someone else for me. He is from a Muslim family however I still want to marry the guy of my choosing as his character is exactly what I like. I have seen his interactions with other people and he is genuine. My parents have not met the guy I want to marry yet however they are open to it. But my father still says that he can be the best person but he is still from a non-Muslim family so it almost doesn’t matter. Is it a sign that my parents disapproval means he is not the one for me by Allah swt? I have prayed istikarah and I have felt at peace and inclined towards him but my mother says it doesn’t count as I have feelings for him. My mother is very set in her ways of “no revert” because of her past experience with my father. Alhamdullilah, they are still married and happy but through a lot of hardships. I do not know what to do. Any help would be much appreciated.


Question 6. Feeling Insecure as a Woman Due to Husband‘s Bad Habit

Salam Counselors, I am pregnant at 37 weeks and this is my 2nd pregnancy. This pregnancy journey has been giving me a lot of trials, very much insecure with my own looks and body, kept on thinking my husband has someone else or has someone in his mind and having thoughts that every other woman are prettier and more attractive than me. I kept on having sixth sense that he is about to cheat on me although he did not. I kept on finding faults in him and assume to think and pressurize him to tell me if he has someone else in his mind or having fetish on someone else. Almost every night I check his handphone, invading his privacy, click hide or try to delete from viewing any obscene videos on his social media apps. At first, I thought the issue was I started to reject him or didn’t give in to his sex needs. This started when I didn’t realized that I was already few weeks pregnant. But after that, I tried to give in.

But recently I just bottle things up and explode to him, asking him does he has someone else in his mind. We kept on arguing about it until one day I found out from his handphone browser history that he has been watching porn at times and at this timing when I am about to give birth soon. He didn’t evade and admitted his mistakes and said that he was trying to repent from it but some months/weeks he failed and came back to it just to watch and learn some new ways. As compared to before we were married, watching porn was almost a daily thing for him to do. He told me to forgive him and also give supports to him while he tries his best to repent from it. He also assures me that he never thought or imagine the porn stars.

I was not fine but I just give in to him knowing I still feel like crap. I also didn’t want him to feel like I didn’t forgive him. At this moment, I feel very disgust, distrust, disappointed and incredibly upset even though I don’t show it. I do not know what to do as to how to trust him again despite knowing I still very much in love with him since we met during school period. But the porn stars especially those names he remembered to even google the name make me feel like I am being cheated on. Now I even compare my own body to them, thinking do I look like that porn star, all these thinking defeats me in my own thoughts. I feel incredibly upset and trying hard to move on. I blame on how unfair it is that men can easily can turn on on this kind of women and we women, the wife, the life partner have to be ok with it and move on with it. I am even thinking that maybe this is what I get for the sins I did do and I have to live through it, and treat it as my own trials and challenges. Please help and advise me on how to live through with this as I have a toddler and incoming new baby to be a mother to.


Question 7. I Want to Have Children but My Husband Doesn’t

Salam Alaykoum.

I am 37 years old, married and living in the USA, I got married when I was 31 years old. My husband told me that he doesn’t want any kids (as he does already have 2 kids from a prior marriage) at that time. I didn’t feel any need for a child, I didn’t have any emotions for this topic, but now since I become 34 years old, this need and desire is killing me. Of course, I bring the topic to my husband but he becomes very violent when I ask him about it, I even lost my life of joy, I do my wife duty with no pleasure, just because I have to, I do love my husband deeply and dearly but I am causing sadness for me. I am not sure if I should ask for divorce, and end up alone with no husband and no kid.
Each year is more difficult for me, especially that I am on the edge to “expire” and my body won’t be able to conceive. I kept praying for the last 3 years but I don’t know if I have the strength to continue. Sometimes I say maybe it’s better to get a divorce at least I will be alone and won’t expect to have a child by myself. I think all my pain came from he doesn’t won’t a child from me but he had children with another woman. Salam


Question 8. Should I Stay or Divorce?

I got married to my husband 2 years ago and I got pregnant. After 2 months the baby didn’t get a heartbeat so the doctor had advised us to go through and abortion. During this time, I started bleeding heavily and my health started to deteriorate but my husband neglected my health and he was only thinking about the baby. During this time, I had to involve my parents because of my health condition and then they were the ones who came ahead for an abortion. The only thing my husband did was ask for a sonography and he was least bothered about the hospital bill etc. I’m here at my parents’ home and it’s been a month but he still hasn’t realized his mistake. When I asked for a divorce (there were other reasons also) he said it’s upon my wish if I want to stay I can, if not then I can leave him. I love him a lot and he did have a very traumatic childhood. His stepmother used to beat him so he has no emotions only. He can’t express himself plus he has ego problem. What should I do???


Wednesday, Jan. 10, 2024 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
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