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Marriage Counseling Audio Q/A Session

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor will provide audio answers soon. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. How Can I Feel Secure and Heal from Trauma?

How can I feel secure when I’m constantly judged by people? Is there a better way to heal from trauma? My past experiences with domestic violence make me feel unworthy and somehow weak and sick? Am I having too many expectations? It’s hard to feel normal. Please can you help me gain insight and more wisdom on this matter?

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Question 2. My Wife Wants Plastic Surgery

My wife wants to get non-permanent cosmetic surgery and I don’t want her to as even though it “may” not be permanent it may be haram and it’s a physical change that I may not like, now I’ve spoken to her about it and it’s something she’s wanted for a very long time even before I met her. I’ve said that even though it is something she wants, now that she is married what she does no longer affects only her but others around her. She tells me that what she does isn’t something I can change as she’s the woman I chose to marry and she will never change because I asked her to. Whenever I mention it, she gets defensive and angry at me and says she doesn’t want to ever talk about it as it’s up to her and whatever punishment she gets is between her and Allah. I don’t want her getting a punishment from the Almighty for it and she doesn’t want to hear me out.
What should I do about this? I am very stuck and it is causing quite the problem for our marriage.


Question 3. Frustrated by Husband’s Laziness, Please Help!

My husband is not earning after marriage, he is good but very lazy. I am having 2 kids of aged 4.7 and 1.8 years old. I work in a company after having 2 kids taking care of them house chores and office work makes me very stressful, while I am working if my kids are silent, he will take care of them or else he will shout on them, as I am working from home sometimes, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate because of all this. By heart I don’t want to work but my husband doesn’t show any interest to work. I earn some x amount I pay the loan more than that by adjusting with my family members, every month I have to adjust for loan amount and house expenses, and he knew it that every month I need extra amount, when I tell him very clearly about this also, he is not taking any initiative.

I am worried about my kids now as they are grown up if someone asks what’s your father does, what would she able to answer when his father doesn’t work, I hate to tell lies, but he doesn’t leave me any option for the sake of pride and not to let him down in others eyes. I had to lie something, Allah should forgive me for the lies, I don’t want my kids to lie because of lazy nature. He is having sugar unless like others, he doesn’t walk much and by sitting he gets leg pain, I have to take care of him, kids, house work, office work everything.

I am so frustrated, if Allah would have given permission to end our life by our hand, I would have ended my life, I am that much frustrated.
I am so much frustrated for his lazy nature. He says I am not wasting your money unless like others. Please suggest me something, what I should do? Hope you are getting my point what I am feeling.


Question 4. Nikkah

Question 5. Financially Not Responsible Enough; Should I Marry Him?

Assalaamu alaikum, I have been in a long-distance relationship since 6 yrs with the first intention of marriage & the boy is practicing Muslim but I was waiting for him to get settled now I’m 25 yrs still he’s not enough responsible and he needs more time. Or else he tells me to marry at the same situation in the state he is now and I’m ready to sacrifice. But my parents don’t like this and they want me to marry another person. Now I’m getting confused & my health is also getting very much affected. What should I do?


Question 6. Bullied by Others, Can I Talk to Girls in School Instead?

Salamu alaikum I am 16 years old. I went from a Muslim country to the US 11 months ago. And I am in high school. Since I started high school and I’ve had friends that bully me, so I don’t like to hang out with them anymore. But there is this one girl that I think I started getting close to because we always sit in the same class in break and lunch in high school. So, I always had the question of is it okay to be friends with girls in my school? is it okay if hang out with one of them? is it okay to joke around with them or not? That was my question that I always used to think about and I would really appreciate if someone guided me to the right place Thank you


Question 7. My Marriage Is Collapsed, but I Can’t Leave; What to Do?

Assalamu alaykum, I just had my baby 4 months ago, since then my marriage has totally collapsed. We have been married for a little over two years, we had some problems previously but he is threatening to kick us out or abandon us.

Pregnancy was very difficult for me, I was in a lot of pain and constantly fatigued, I still went to work, cooked cleaned, and unpacked everything after our move to a new house in the middle of my third trimester, but my husband didn’t think it was enough and constantly called me lazy.

After my daughter was born, he helped me around the house some as I was barely able to care for my daughter- until 6 weeks was up. 2 months ago, my old job asked if I was still coming back and offered me a remote position, my husband insisted I take it (so we could both work from home) even though I wasn’t ready to go back to work and was struggling to take care of my daughter. From there, things got progressively worse.

I was totally exhausted from working full-time and caring for a baby all day. I asked for help with things around the house because I was so overwhelmed and since I can’t trust him with the baby (he gets very rough with her if she cries). I could maybe get the bare minimum of help. He complains that the food I made isn’t good enough, constantly asks why I can’t lose weight, or tells me I wasn’t taking care of my daughter because tried to quickly eat before it was time for her next feed or because she is extra fussy. He remarks that he is having to live like he is single so he might as well be single. He frequently threatens to kick us out or abandon us and becomes extremely verbally abusive when he thinks I’m disrespecting him or not doing exactly what he wants the moment he wants it.
He knows I cannot leave as I’m from a non-Muslim family who I am not on good terms with, who would not likely take me in, and are retired. My husband makes very good money and leaving would mean my daughter would have a very poor quality of life. Surviving on my own with my daughter isn’t possible where I live as the cost of living is very high and I don’t make enough to even afford an apartment.

Marrying again is also extremely unlikely as this is my second marriage to yet another abusive person.

I don’t know what to do. If I ask friends for help, he would find out, I don’t know what he would do but there would be no saving the marriage after that. We have a lot of mutual friends and many people like him, even my non-Muslim family.

Because he makes very good money and I was previously married, I doubt people will listen to me or they will blame me and tell me this is my fault.
If this question doesn’t get answered, please at least make dua for me and my daughter.


Question 8. How to Deal with the Criticism of My Father-in-Law?

My father-in-law lives with us. We are from 2 different cultures but as a revert I try to do things more Islamically rather than cultural. Before having a baby, I was attentive to my father in laws need (food, laundry, tea ect) but after recently having baby my focus is the baby, I cook but no longer plate his food, since I’m “lacking in this” he treats me like I’m also lacking in taking care of my baby especially when he hears my baby cry. I’m slowly losing my patience, what can I do. He’s 67 years old, my husband thinks I’m being toxic when I bring up my thoughts


Tuesday, Jun. 06, 2023 | 21:00 - 22:00 GMT

Session is over.
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