Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor provided answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Mother-In-Law Tries to Break My Marriage

I married my husband 6 years ago; we have 3 kids two are mine from a previous relationship and he has 1. We are staying with his mom and since I moved in, she’s been nasty to my kids and I. She lies to people and says I don’t help in the house and she bans my kids and I from sections in the house. Her nastiness has increased since my father-in-law passed on and she tells people she wants her son to herself. She has already broken 2 previous marriages of my husband but now she acts like his x wife’s best friend to make me jealous. She told my husband he must divorce me so they can live together. She’s rude and has made my kids and I very depressed.

Answer:

Question 2. Unsettled Disagreements Affect My Needs for Intimacy

I am a woman who has been married for a year now. Background information: whenever my husband and I have a disagreement and he get upset, he expects me to come to him, apologize, and talk about the problem otherwise he continues to ignore me, which is something I have no problem in doing. The problem comes from the fact that when I am upset with him, he NEVER wants to talk about it or verbally say that he is sorry.

Even when I am upset, I still cook, I still make sure that I am not dressed in a shabby manner when he comes home, I still talk to him regarding significant things but don’t necessarily engage in unnecessary chatter. I still kiss him if he kisses me first and don’t try to escape his grasp and I still make myself available for him for intercourse if he asks for it because these things are part of my job as a wife and I understand that.

But when he sees me upset, he proposes that we have intercourse out of the blue and I accept, but since there has been no reconciliation, I don’t feel very excited about it and don’t engage as much, just enough to help him out with his needs. Then he starts complaining that I’m not emotionally invested and that I am occupying my head with things other than focusing on him, and I tell him that that is not true and I am just not in the best mood though I am still doing everything he is asking of me. After we’re done, he complains that I’m still not being “normal” and starts getting upset with me. I have told him many times that I would like to talk and sort through the matter rather than just sweeping it under the rug and that sex is not an apology for me even though he seems to think so, and since he expects me to apologize to him in a way that he liked, he should do the same for me.

Since, I don’t want to create further problems I tend to just drop the matter but this really caused me to start resenting him as I feel like these unresolved issues keep getting brought up in different scenarios since they aren’t being cleared up. We use to be madly in love with each other, always talking and always caring about each other’s feelings. He is still a great husband when things are good, but in any marriages, there come problems, and he makes me feel like my feelings just don’t matter and aren’t even worth having a chat about and I’m starting to really hate and get annoyed by everything he does.

I try to remind myself of all the good in him but his words of I love you’ and ‘I care about you’ just sound like empty words to me as they are not backed up by his actions. When I try and tell him the matter and how it’s affecting me, he tells me that sex should be a good enough reassurance.

This has led to start detaching myself from him emotionally and in terms of making jokes, talking freely, sharing my thoughts, going out of the way to involve him in different parts of my life. I make a lot of dua for us and for him to care about me again but he doesn’t seem to want to change.

Answer:

Question 3. My Husband Has Girlfriends and Now Got Married to One

Salam,
I have been married for 13 years with my husband and have 4 beautiful kids. I found out that my husband had some secret relationships with his past girlfriends. Before I even got married to him and after having my kids. But this was all hidden from me. I then later found out he was having secret affairs with them all. I found him getting caught and he always said sorry to me. So, I forgave him and continued life. But within our life he keeps on getting caught flirting, being lusty and talking to other women about explicit things. He started ignoring me like I don’t exist and like we are strangers and don’t know each other. He is always on his phone. He even started taking explicit pictures of his body and face showing to these women. I got very disgusted and confronted him. He said sorry again and then made me think to forgive him. I feel that my chest and head is burdening with his unacceptable acts and I can’t take it anymore.

He is independent and working for the kids and the house. He cares a lot for his kids and provides everything he possibly can. But his continuing cheating, lying and the way he treats me is affecting me so badly. I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck and hurt badly as he did this to me again and again. We have no open communication; no peace and we act like strangers to each other.

I am religious and from a good family. He is also religious but he acts more of out of religion and doesn’t practice religion that much either. I found recently found out that he has married his girlfriend now in secret abroad. And I find this life getting really complicated and hard with him doing all this to me. He is also turning our kids against me which they give me no lack of respect from. Kids have started swearing and being rude at me. I have been patient, tried to guide him to turn away from these things he is doing but he gets mad. For my husband when he gets caught. Says horrible swear words to me and my parents. Cuts off the communication. And I feel that I can no longer cope in this situation. What do I do please?

Answer:

Question 4. I Can’t Stop Being Jealous of His First Wife

Asalaam alaikum
I have this man we’ve dating and agreed to get married. I was introduced to him by my mother and alhamdulillah he’s a good person.
As we talked he told me that he was married but it’s an agreement marriage and he doesn’t live with her.
At first I was OK with it and agreed to marry him coz he said he doesn’t love her that he only married her so that he doesn’t fall in zina but then one day I was on the phone with him and his wife called and the way he talked with her made me feel jealous.
Every now and then he keeps on reminding how his wife loves him.
This is really now hard for me.
I don’t envy his wife but I envy this man.
I want to pretend that I am the only one who loves him but he keeps reminding his first.
Things work out well for us when I try to think that it’s just the two of us but won’t let me live in my fantasy.
Please help me out I have tried to think positively about this.
I have tried to think that maybe he loves us equally but differently but still I can’t help it getting mad at him even by mentioning his wife’s name in our conversation.
I love this man.
So please try and help me!

Answer:

Question 5. Husband Married in Secret: I’m Feeling Betrayed

My husband was in relationship with one woman 4 years before I came into his life. I have been married to him for 16 years. I used to catch him talking and meeting with that woman even after my marriage and got very much angry. I have two boys with him and they are very small to deal on own.

I recently came to know that my husband already married this woman for 7 years without anyone’s knowledge. In their nikah no one from family participated. It was done in presence of some random Muslim friends and at the time of their nikah I already had one son. They both say they married to prevent themselves from wrong doing as they used to meet very often.

My problem is that I am feeling betrayed as it was kept secret from me from last 7 years. I am angry as well as depressed and cannot concentrate on anything. I cannot bear to accept this relationship as I have always hated that woman and now accepting her as cowife is impossible for me. Can you please suggest me what should I do now? I don’t want to lose my husband and at the same time cannot accept her.

Answer:

Question 6. As a Woman, How Patient Should I Be in Marriage?

How patient Allah expects us to be in relationship? There is a hadith I know that most of the women will be in hell because of being ungrateful to their husbands but what about husbands being ungrateful. Is it entirely my duty to do all household chores. Is my husband doing a favor to me by spending money on me? If a husband compares me with everyone and doesn’t notice anything good in me, how am I supposed to deal with it?

If I am able to do something does, he has the right to force me or degrade me. Why some men expect that their wives need to know everything. They will look after family they will do job and also take care of their kids then who will take care of them why women are considered a lifelong maid who will serve them till death. Why society and men think that women will be multitasking.

Why can’t women feel tired and why can’t they take some leave from their duties.

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Question 7. With Mental Illness, Can I Stay Away from Marriage?

Assalamualaikum I have mental health issues such as panic attack’s depression, anxiety which causes me physical issues too… & I also have social anxiety too… I’m fighting from these problems… My mother is the only one who can handle me in those types of situations. Is it ok if I don’t get married? Will ALLAH forgive me for this?? Because I’m not doing this from my happiness. I’m doing this just because I don’t want to destroy other person’s life…

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Question 8. Want to Get Rid of Forced Marriage to First Wife

My father forcefully made my marriage to our relative after marriage. I didn’t even touched her because I love another girl and with my sisters permission I did hidden marriage to her and have 2 kids from her as well and I always seek chance to make first wife out from my home and give divorce to her as my father didn’t let me divorce her.
As he didn’t knows about my second marriage kindly help what should I do?
I have heard somewhere if a man don’t want to live with a girl and take out to didn’t touch her for 6 months then shariyat said divorce occurs automatically?

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