Question 1

I am from India. I and my husband are married for 12 years. My husband was never romantic or to lovable with me. Even intimacy was also very low.

After 2 years of marriage we travelled abroad, he never talked out wiyh me, never shared anything we rarely went out and spoke very less even though we were alone. We then started tryung for kids and after four years of marriage i gave birth to my first child. Then i returned to my home country. Then again after birth of my second child i again went to stay with him. He would never let me touch his mobile.

When asked he said he has some inappropriate talk with his friends so i let go. We would never hold hands or hug much nothing to talk between us except about dinner or lunch and planned sex afcourse. But because of lack of emotional attach day by day i was getting cranky, was having anger issues because he never understands, after explaining him so many times. Then one day i found private pictures of random men and also he sending his private part pictures to random people also some porn ididnt open that.

I asked him so he said it was to be confidence with me during intercurse i dont know. He said it was just virtual he has never done it or not in any relation with men. I believed him but still deep down i thought he may be gay , and this broke me hard from inside. He told me he would never do this do again. This was when i was pregnant with my third child. Then i had to come to my home country for the delivery.

After birth i went back to him . One day a erson messaged me claiming that he was one of his friends. He said may be ur husband is gay and sent me some chat pictures where my husband was asking dick pics of others and exchanging his also.he also said once he also almost done with a guy. I straight confronted my husband. He said it ws long back and that other person had called him and forcibly tried to do but he ran away. After that being in the same house we didnt spoke for 2 months.

I was confused and went into depression because i dont have any other option i have three kids i cant hurt my mother i cant come out of this relationship. Then due to some financila conditions  we had to return to home country. Then i wanted this to work so i gave him second chance. After a year again i saw my husband sending hi msgs to random boys.

This time i asked him to get checked by a sexologist. He got checked and doctor confirmed he is intersted in females. But still he is not romantic, i dont feel emotional attachment. All this has created self doubt in me, depression, anger. I cry and some times try to heal myself by salah and azkar.

Please help me out i dont know how to take this relationship forward if he is gay. I dont know why he isnt close to me. He never understands if he does any mistake never rectifies or explain it . Just stands still and leave me in anger, hatred which is effecting me , our relationship, and my children. I just desperately want to be happy, and give my children a happy environment. I want love and effection. Please help me.

Listen to the answer:

Question 2 – Guilt

I have guilt of not sharing my feelings. Due to this I’m stressed.  What should I do?

Growing up in a chaotic household with verbal and emotional abusive exchanges between my parents since I was 6 have been extremely stressful. They were separated when I was 12 on my mom’s denial over her nafkah with a mantra of ‘no money’ or no stream of income despite of his stable job. My father left us, leaving us to survive on our own without a care on how we live. Now in my late 30s, recently discovered that he has been hoarding assets without mentioning of it to us. Feeling betrayed and denial for having to believe that ‘we are poor’, ‘no money’ and ‘no income’.

Listen to the answer:

Question 3 – Obedience to toxic parents, legit?

Now i am feeling numb and hard to digest with horrible memories that are surging up, so how should I handle with such situations? Is obedience to him still legit whose presence is a threat to my mental health and well-being? I find stressful and anxious every time he’s around.

Listen to the answer:

Question 4 – On Difficult phase of my life

Aaslam o Alaikum,

NOTE: (Keep my statement as short as possible. I mentioned a lot of detail in it. I do not want it to be seen by my Relative or my wife. It might trouble more in my relationship.) But please do answer.

I really am upset right now and do not know what to do. I married 2 years ago and started my life with my wife. We had some hard time before marriage which almost broke our engagement, as i did a mistake back then and she developed hate towards me. But somehow we married because i loved her very much. Initially we were a happy couple. She needed time for intercourse to happen between us so i respected her but we had intimate relation between us from start of our marriage and i was very happy with it.

After a year when i tried to discuss with her about the matter to start our relation properly and to consummate our marriage she refused to do it and said me to keep our relationship same as it is. When ever i try to convince her she showed me anger. I tried to initiate intercourse several times but faced anger again. I loved her so i tolerated it even said sorry multiple times to freshen her up. After 2 years past i started to watch porn again (as i watched before marriage my times). I tried to talk to her about it that because of her ignorance i resort to porn, she always said that it is not a big deal. She do let me get intimate and help me release my sexual tension but do not allowed me to have intercourse with her.

After 2 years she now started behaving strange and many times when i try to sit with her she used to hit me and say me to sit away from her. When i try to be romantic she start to bet me off some times. She even started talking about our issues before marriage and tell me that she do not like me and do not even bear the presence of me around her. Please note that we do not really talk about thing much because she never wanted to talk. She never really wanted to discuss any problem with me, we never really watched movies together, never had talks together, never had travelled together because she never wanted to. she always is busy in her cellphone, talking to friends. Most of my pleasant time with her is during intimacy only which she mostly regret saying that she do not like doing it (although i satisfy her need through orgasm).

One day i had argument about weither she want to start a relation with me or not. She said she do not love me and do not want to start relation. In frustration i told my parents about our difficult situation. I asked my father to talk about it with my father in law because i was quit hesitant to talk to him my self. When he talked to my father in law my wife refused and called me a liar.

Now she is saying to every one that she do not want to live with me as i can not respect her. But my intention was just to make our problems disappear. I also tried to take her to a gynecologist for professional help she refused that to. which left me with this only and it made every thing worst. Now i am very upset do not know what to do. I am suicidle right now. Everyone in family tried to involve but she is not willing to come. I loved her so much that i did everything i could to meet every need of her. but she ended up leaving me horribly.  She is at her parents and she blocked me completely and removed all contacts.

Listen to the answer:

Question 5 – Will Allah SWT forgive me for this sin?

Assalamualaikum ma’am. Ma’am I have done many sins which include groping women( including my own mother and my own sister while she was sleeping) when I was 12-15yrs old They(the women whom I have groped) don’t know about this. Ma’am I am feeling extremely guilty. 

Will Allah SWT forgive me for this sin. Will I be forced to give my good deeds to them????  And ma’am should I tell my family about this sin???? Ma’am is there any hope for me getting Jannah??

Ma’am plzz answer as I am under a lot of stress.

Listen to the answer:

Question 6 – Is it fine to be contempt with a low standard of living

I’m a 24 year old lost soul with no direction in life. Currently working a job paying a little over minimum wage. College is not an option, as it’s an impossible feat. to achieve. A little bit about that, I’ve dropped out more times than I can count from various programs, and wont be going back to simply drop out again, the stress accompanied from studying and keeping up with deadlines is all too unbearable.

Although I do recognize the value of education, but like I said, its not for me. Besides, I’ve already wasted enough years with that, so moving on. And regarding passion or expanding on something I’m good at , believe me, I got nothing since I’m a full blown introvert who grew up loathing school, and wasting his time getting good at meaningless video games and binging YouTube videos. As for The only meaningful things I have left: my deen;

Alhamdulilah I never falter in my prayers and regularly perform dua, it has remained the only constant in my life. And, this job that I’m not prepared to lose for another pointless endeavour. Bringing me to my question, is it acceptable to just succumb myself to this low standard of living? This would mean giving up on marriage or in broader terms, building a family , but I believe I can manage living the rest of my life on my own, so there shouldn’t be a problem. Thank you for your insight.

Listen to the answer:

Question 7 – Depression and chronic Ilness. Wife always fights because i am sick.

AOA. I am facing a very difficult situation. I was diagnosed with Chronic condition called Fibromyalgia and depression 10 years back and the trigger was a trauma that is a siblings death. Me and my wife have been married around 12 years now. We have two kids and managing a demanding job, a very demanding wife and kids sometimes is too much for me and i get sick.

The specialists have told me that in order to be stable i need to exercise, take a healthy diet that suits me and try to remain stress free. My wife does not take care of my diet because she says she doesn’t have time to make separate meals for me and all the free time i have i invest it on my wife and kids.

She doesn’t like me visiting any friends or even when they visit me. Any time i am sick or loose my job due to sickness she fights with me and blames me of getting married to her without telling her that i was sick which is a false accusation as i was fine when we got married. When i am sick i am on my own.

I goto the doctor myself i make food for myself and i take my medication myself. When i am sick she treats me like crap. She wants more from life and blames me for everything that impacts her and her standard of living when i am sick.

I pray 5 times a day and help with the kids and her household chores. She always considers me lesser to her as she is healthy and i am sick. Please help me to find a solution. She is not ready to go to any counselor with me because she thinks she is right.

Listen to the answer:

Question 8 – looking at the haram

essalamu aleykum dear scholars First of all, Allah bless you for the work you do. As for my question, even though I know it’s haram, I can’t help looking at handsome men. please tell me what should i do. I feel like a very big sinner.

Listen to the answer: