Dear Brothers/Sisters,

Thank you very much for joining us in this Fatwa session. We would also like to thank our guest, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, for answering the questions directed to him. You will find the answers to your questions below.

Q:

Punishment or test? Hope or no hope? Should i give up Islam? Seeing there is no forwards or backwards.

BACKGROUND
I was good muslim, few months ago , had tawukkal , i feared and loved Him to the best of my abilities yet obviously rhere were short comings. I loved this woman for 4 years before we used to be in haram relationship with her and i had become abusive , after Islam i changed, but again i fell for her and lied about a few things . I knew it was haram yet I did it , after it all she said she might give me a chance 1 day but not at the moment , i took this as a big test. But i failed to have tawukall and fell into watching porn, i lost all my eman

I try coming back but nothing works , i see no hope , and no reason to live , I can sit there and think, and cry , dispair , then get busy again.

A:

I empathize with your situation and pray to Allah to inspire you to return to Him in sincere repentance. If you do, He will bestow peace on your heart.

There is no need for you to despair of the mercy of Allah. Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. He will accept you in His mercy – provided you turn to Him in sincere repentance. Repentance is not words; it takes effort to feel remorse, make amends and change your character by changing your habits. Habits are actions repeated over a while.

Therefore, to change your character, you need first to ask forgiveness from Allah and stop watching porn immediately.

Furthermore, you need to be engaged in other positive and beneficial activities instead of watching porn. Behavioral scientists say that you need to acquire a good habit to change a bad habit. Therefore, as soon as you feel like watching porn, you become occupied with something good like voluntary work. Or get involved with youth doing some projects to serve the community.

Once you have taken these steps, you can see your faith in Allah getting stronger.

I would also urge you to seek professional counseling. Counselors often appear on this site; perhaps you should seek their advice.

For further details on repentance, please refer to the answer linked below:

The Door of Repentance Is Wide Open

I pray to Allah to inspire you to turn to Him in repentance and thus bestow peace on your heart.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Sheikh is it permissible to go ask a girls parents for the right to come in the house with intent of marriage without the guys parents’ permission?

A:

There is nothing wrong with it if you have chosen her for the sake of her faith and character. But, also, you should do so only if you are confident that you can afford to support a family.

Having said this, if your parents are upset with your action, you better seek their consent.

If you are not sure how they would react, then perhaps you should ask the imam of the mosque you are frequenting or the elder in the community or family relative to speak to them.

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

I have a question, why am I so weak from others in physical strength I am 14 and in my class due to my strength everyone bullies me and behaves arrogantly and sadly I have to follow their commands why didn’t Allah make me strong enough to defend my self

A:

I empathize with your condition. I pray to Allah to help you overcome your challenges in life. Allah tells us in the Quran that He does not burden anyone with more than they can endure.

However, you need to ask yourself: Is there anything I can do to be physically fit. For this, you may seek the advice of a physical fitness expert. Perhaps you can ask your physician to recommend someone. The expert should give you daily tips and exercises that may help you gain physical strength.

You also need not worry about bullies. A counselor may give you practical advice on how to face them.

With the help of Allah, you can overcome the above challenges through professional counseling and behavioral therapy.

On top of these, you need to turn to Allah for empowerment.

1- As you rise in the morning, put yourself in a positive mindset by counting the blessings of Allah thus emulating the beautiful example of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), and praying to Allah to grant you a successful day full of blessings.

2- Pray Fajr, read at least a page of the Quran and spend a few minutes in dhikr and offering the daily supplications (from the treasury of Prophetic Du’as as found in works such as Invocation of God by Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah).

3- Start your work or project soon afterward with a prayerful heart. By doing so, you may count on the blessings of Allah that the Prophet (peace be upon him) prayed: “O Allah, bless my Ummah in their morning endeavors.” (Reported by Tirmidhi)

4- Turn to Allah in supplication and ask His help in fighting sloth, laziness, and helplessness through the following prayers (Du’as):

Allahumma innee a’dhu bika mina al-‘ajzi wa al-kasal wa al-jubun wa al-bukhl wa ghalabati al-dayni wa qahri al-rrijaal

(O Allah, I seek refuge in You from impotence, sloth, cowardice, niggardliness, and burden of debts and domineering men.)

Laa ilaaha illa Allaahu al-azeem al-haleem, la ilaaha illa Allaahu rabbu al-‘arshi al-‘azeem, laa ilaaha illa Allaahu rabbu al-ssamaawaati wa al-ardhi wa rabbu al-‘arshi al-kareem

(There is no god but Allah, the Tremendous and Clement; there is no god but Allah, Lord of the Great Throne; there is no god but Allah, Lord of the heavens and earth and the Noble Throne).

Insha Allah, you will be able to overcome your challenges with the help of Allah—provided you take the necessary steps. I pray for your success.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Me and my husband more than a year ago. i feel he doesn’t want this marriage to work.he to totally ignores me and his responsibility of husband.he aggressive and arrogant but he doesn’t want to end marriage himself

But making my life hell so I end it.
He wants to act as innocent. now I think I don’t he eventually do or marry again and then leave me. i myself see no future of our marriage. i want to be separated but don’t want khula.is it possible?

A:

Your best option is to seek a legal divorce through the court system. Once you get the legal divorce, it can be endorsed by an Imam as a valid Islamic divorce.

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

I’m a Christian wife with a Muslim husband. I celebrate Christmas culturally, not religiously. Would it be haram to have Christmas decorations in our home?

A:

You are allowed to celebrate Christmas if you have been following the custom before your marriage with your Muslim husband. Since he married you while you were a Christian, he is bound to allow you to practice your religion and your customs as long as they do not violate his rights to practice his religion.

Islam does not allow a Muslim to force his Christian wife from practicing her religious practices or customs.

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

I marry with someone who was not Muslim but I explained her Muslim religion and alhamdulliah she accept Islam and I marry her now my question: is yesterday she was going somewhere to her fimaly and she book ticket and after that when the time comes to go the bus station I went out to look for transport when I organize transport she was not at home she already left with her ex-boyfriend to the bus station than I call her where are you she said you was taking long so I left what Islam saying about this now should I divorce her are forgive her?

I love my wife but she doesn’t love me the same what should I do check the above questions please let me know.

My wife went with her ex-boyfriend without asking me

A:

If what you are alleging your wife is correct, you cannot continue the marriage relationship with her as she is still in a relationship with her boyfriend.

You can only resume the relationship with her if she repents and cuts her ties with him or any other person in an unlawful association.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I know music is haram but I found out recently that singers like Adele, Ariana Grande , and Rihanna have all sold their souls to the devil or sing about the devil when some of their songs are played backwards. Like ariana grande says Satan is my honey when one of her song are played backwards. Are these legitimate??

A:

The music you mention above is haram, and no Muslim should listen or condone it.

I would therefore urge you to cut out your habit of listening to it.

As far as clean music is concerned, that is a different issue altogether. For details, you may access the answers posted on this site.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Is my husband responsible for maintaining me if we do not live together.

Am I entitled to maintenance

My husband and I are in a long distance marriage. We planned to eventually live together within the next 5 years as my husband said that we couldn’t live together immediately as it would cause problems with his finances. We live 151km apart so live in the same country but different cities. For the first 6 months of marriage we would take it in turns every week to see each other staying together for 3 days snd 2 nights each week.Everytime when we were together I would give my husband his rights. However the last 2 years it has only been me travelling to visit him as he said he couldn’t visit me because of issues with his children and their mother so for the past 2 years I’ve travelled to him but every 2 weeks instead of every week. My husband had never paid maintenance for me and I have told him that it is my right to maintained he said that I do not have the right to maintenance because we do not live together. As I am now respectfully demanding my right to maintenance he has called talaq on me. Was maintenance my right?

A:

If you are married and your husband has consummated the marriage, he is obligated to provide you with support and maintenance. That includes boarding and lodging expenses, clothes, medicine, etc. These are according to his means as determined by society’s standards.

You have a right to ask for it and take whatever steps you can to get your rights.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I love one girl who is Younger than me 2 years we are in relationships from 3 years ago we accept each other husband wife from the heart.
My question is there is possible to do nikha without witness secretly?
I didn’t want to do zina and our parents will not agreeing to be married early so I want to do nikha with her without imam and witness but not do any kind of physical or sexual relationship with her untill we will not be get married.with imam now just want to secure our relationship and make pure?

A:

There is no room in Islam for a secret marriage. For details, let me cite here one of my earlier answers on this issue:

“It is not clear from your question what you mean by “making a nikah just for both of you” and not for others. In Islam, nikah or marriage must conform to certain minimum standards and requirements to be valid and acceptable; without these, it is considered neither valid nor acceptable, for it is then hardly distinguishable from fornication or illicit relations.

The minimum conditions for the validity of nikah are the following:

• The consent of the guardian of the woman
• presence of witnesses
• offering and acceptance
• and mahr (dower).

Once the above conditions have been fulfilled, the marriage will be deemed as valid; but if these conditions are not fulfilled, then it will be considered as being null and void.

As far as the consent of guardian is concerned, it can only be dispensed with if the guardian is simply refusing to give consent for considerations other than Islamic, in which case the judge can authorize the marriage after having followed the due process. If, on the other hand, such is not the case and no attempt was made to ascertain the consent of the guardian, then such a marriage would be considered invalid and, therefore, unacceptable in Islam. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “There is no (valid) marriage without a guardian and two reliable witnesses.”

By stipulating the above-mentioned conditions for the validity of marriage, Islam insists that a marriage should remain distinct from other loose and immoral lifestyles such as fornication and illicit affairs. Hence, the Prophet insisted on making marriages public.

Based on what has been stated above, the concept of a marriage “just for both of you or for Allah” is not tolerated in Islam.

Society has a share in marriage in the sense that people should know that both of you are married so that they do not suspect you of maintaining an illicit relationship. According to the teachings of Islam, we are under obligation to do whatever we can to safeguard our religion, honor, and dignity; and as such we should stay away not only from that which is considered as strictly haram or forbidden but also from all that is doubtful and dubious. The Prophet (peace and blessings be him) said, “Whosoever shuns what is doubtful he has protected his religion and honor; but whosoever commits what is doubtful, he may inadvertently fall into haram!”

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I have been confused by the various posts as regards to spending of interest money (either from banks, provident fund of company, etc). It is clear that I cannot use it for my benefit and for discharging my obligatory duties towards my family.

1. Can I spend the interest money on my wife and children and relatives in the form of gifts, financial assistance to relatives and non-relatives ensuring that I do not benefit from it?

2. Can I spend the interest on maintenance of mosques and buying some material for it?

A:

You can use the interest money you get from the bank on helping your poor relatives or pay for your children’s educational expenses if your income is not sufficient.

You may also take out the interest money and give it to a charity to help the refugees or help those in dire need.

You cannot give interest money for the mosque or its services.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I want to ask if common substances on the body that are difficult to remove are a barrier to Ghusl and Wudu. I feel the outside of my ear oily and sticky, if I touch it I don’t feel a mass, but if I scratch it I find dirt in my fingernails, before my last Ghusl I have been 20 minutes trying to remove this weird substance. I have this problem with other parts of my body and I don’t know if this is waswas or not because when I research about this topic I find that the majority of scholars says that everything that could be a barrier should be removed. JazakumAllahu Khairan.

A:

Suppose the substances you are talking about are unavoidable medical applications for specific treatments or skin conditions, and you are advised not to remove them. In that case, you may wash all other parts except the particular area and make tayammum just instead of that.

Any other unnecessary substances you have applied (like cosmetics that prevent water from reaching the skin), you ought to remove prior to performing wudhu. Otherwise, wudhu is not valid.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Has Allah forsaken me because of lack of sincerity and knowledge?

A:

There is no need for you to fall into despair. Allah is All-Compassionate and Merciful. He will never forsake you if you repent and desire to enhance your faith.

Perhaps you should look at this as a critical message for you from Allah to come back to Him. Doubts regarding one’s faith should not worry you as long as you are serious about overcoming them.

The Prophet, peace be upon him, told his companions, who had complained of some whispering thoughts assailing their minds, of which they were too afraid to speak, that it was a sign of faith.

So what is required of you is to ask forgiveness of Allah and beg His mercy and guidance.

In order to increase our faith, we need to engage in sincere repentance, purify ourselves of spiritual diseases such as pride, envy, malice, greed, carnal desires, obsession with the world; and develop virtues such as humility, gratitude, patience, compassion, trustworthiness, good character, constancy in dhikr, watchfulness of Allah, love of Allah and remembrance of death. We ought to fulfil our religious obligations diligently, and draw nearer to Allah by engaging in supererogatory acts of worship.

When we are in doubt in regards to the meanings of certain verses of the Qur’an, we must never rush to judge them as being contradictory.

As stated by our great scholars, there can never be any contradiction between revealed truth and sound reason. If it appears so, it is only due to one of two reasons: Deficient understanding of the revelation, or deficiency in sound reasoning.

So it behoves us to seek further knowledge by consulting those who have deeper knowledge. Equally, if not far more, important is to remove the many veils placed on our minds/souls, which prevent us from seeing the truth–veils such as false beliefs, spiritual diseases, wrong conditioning, blind imitation, etc. For details, please consult Imam Ghazali’s tips for reflective reading of the Qur’an; it can be accessed here:

Finally, I urge you to implore Allah’s mercy by kneeling down and praying. Here are a few Prophetic supplications you can read on a daily basis:

Allaahumma yaa muqalliba al-quloob thabbit qalbee ‘alaa deenika; Allaahumma yaa muqalliba al-quloob thabbit qalbee ‘laa al-haqqi, Allaahumma yaa muqalliba al-quloob thabbit qalbee ‘ala ta’atika.

(O Allah, You are the twister and turner of hearts; make my heart firm on Your religion; O Allah, You are the twister and turner of hearts; make my heart firm on the truth; O Allah, You are the twister and turner of hearts; make my heart firm on Your obedience).

Radheetu bi Allahi rabban wabil islami deenan wabi Muhammadin salla Allaahu alayhi wa sallama nabiyyan wa rasoolan

(I am well pleased with Allah as my Lord, Islam as my faith, and Muhammad, peace be upon him, as His prophet and messenger).

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Is it permissable for a single muslim woman to have a pap smear? I am a 21 year old Muslim woman and I recently went to the doctors office. I went in for a routine gynecological appointment.

My doctor told me that she was going to test the area to see if I have cervical cancer and that I’m healthy down there. My mom tells me because I did this I am not a virgin anymore. Is that true?

A:

You are allowed to go for a pap smear test at 21; as I can learn from the medical authorities, it is a standard procedure to rule out cervical cancer.

It involves collecting cells from the cervix to detect cervical cancer early, giving a woman a greater chance at a cure.

‘A Pap smear can also detect changes in your cervical cells that suggest cancer may develop in the future. Detecting these abnormal cells early with a Pap smear is the first step in halting the possible development of cervical cancer.

Therefore, it has no bearing on your virginity, and so your mother should be excused for her wrong assumption.

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

I’m a man, who was married with a Muslim girl we got one son, then we divorced after few years later but she wants me to marry her back but I asked her how honestly she is that can make me love her again then she told me the history after we divorced that she did adults with non muslim man not one but repeatedly. And the man still staying nearby her daddy n mommy home.
But her parents both are non Muslims.

So what the ruling or punishment of non muslim man to do adults with muslim woman.
Then for this condition is sharia allowed me to remarry her. Because the man who committed zina with he stay near to her parents meaning they have a chance to meet if she’s going to visit her parents. Or what should I do?

A:

If I understand your question correctly, you have no way of trusting her fidelity; you should not remarry her. However, if you do and she is still cheating you on your back, you will end up in an even greater mess.

Therefore, I advise you to decide to remarry her only after you have reasonable evidence to show that she has repented and changed.

Otherwise, it is akin to that of an adulterer marrying an adulterer. I am sure you don’t want to be in that situation.

I pray to Allah to implant in our hearts love for faith and good deeds and make us hate infidelity, disbelief, and sins of all sorts.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

My husband said to me his mother is more important than me and his child its broke my heart what do i do.

A:

A person’s love towards his mother is different from one’s love for the spouse. Mother and wife are not rivals, so you should never look at his mother as a rival to you competing for his love. How can it be? A mother is a mother, and she can never be replaced. He didn’t choose her; God chose her for him.

On the other hand, you chose your husband, and he chose you. So, one may decide to part ways if- if God forbids, if there are valid reasons to do so. However, we can part ways with our parents.

Therefore, I advise you to change your thinking in this matter and never pit yourself as a rival to his mother, even as he cannot pit himself as a rival to your mother. You love your mother; that love for her is not the same kind of love you have for your husband.

Having said this, I suspect your pregnancy and the hormone changes may be driving you to depression.

If that is the case, you need to get professional help.

On the other hand, if some other issues are causing a rift between you and your mother-in-law, the way to deal with them is through counseling. In conclusion, I would advise both of you to seek professional counseling to improve your marriage.

I pray to Allah to inspire you to act with wisdom and love.

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

I’m 26 years old boy my parents looking bride for me but I’m not interested to marry virgin girl
I want to marry a divorced women she’s age is 27 and she have 2 kids  
I don’t know How I’m going to approach this to my parents.

A:

The decision of who you should marry is ultimately yours. Your parents’ role is limited in helping you exercise your choice wisely.

So, it is up to you to make a choice. However, I would not advise you to do it in disregard for your parents’ wishes. Instead, ask yourself: Why are you choosing her?

If you are doing so because of her faith and good character, you should speak to your parents and convince them to accept your wish. If, on the other hand, you chose her because of material reasons, then they have a valid ground to object to your decision.

In other words, it is your choice to marry the person you want as long as she conforms to Islamic standards. The Prophet said, “Choose the side of religion (and character).”

Marriage is a life-long relationship, so one should not simply rush to it because of physical attractions alone.

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

I struggle with barious mental health issues including severe depression I’ve hidden this fact from everyone for about 7 years and I tried to finally open up to my husband about it recently however I was in a manic and heightened state of emotions and I appeared very angry and basically caused an argument due to my emotional state that my husband couldn’t understand he didn’t want to keep listening to me he tried to leave the situation several times which just heightened my desperation and so I blurted out the truth which is that I want to kill myself at this point my husband was too angry to hear me and he thought I said he made me want to kill myself so he screamed I divorce you at me several times and what followed can only be described and a living nightmare with me trying to harm myself. once I had calmed down and regained some of my senses I asked him how he could do this to me when I need him most and I finally explained everything in detail and whilst we were talking he explained that he had no idea what I was trying to convey to him. does this divorce count?

A:

If you meant to say that your husband pronounced the words of divorce in an extreme fit of anger and frustration because of your emotional outbursts directed against (due to your state of depression): if that is correct, then the divorce pronounced in such a state is not valid.

For details, please refer to the answer linked below:

Is Pronouncement of Divorce Under Duress Valid?

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

I’m aware of the Hadith of the prophet ﷺ in which he stated the pen is lifted from three people, one of those being a person who is insane. My question is, does someone with narcissistic personality class as someone who is insane? This person lives a largely normal life, working, renting, going on trips with friends ect. But when it comes to their child things drastically change, so will all the pain they cause, degrading they do, boundaries they cross and disrespect they make them suffer go unaccounted for? JazakAllah khairun.

A:

A narcissistic person is still legally accountable. He does not come under the category of people mentioned in the hadith.

An adult in full possession of the senses is accountable for their actions. So, the person you mentioned above cannot be justified or deemed free of responsibility for their actions.

Therefore, if he is guilty of neglecting his duties towards his family, including his spouse, children, and parents, he will be accountable before Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “There is no sin for a person more grievous than neglecting his dependents.” (Reported by Abu Dawud and others)

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Can I use a recently washed underwear that is not yet dry?

I suspected a little drop of semen on my underwear, so I washed that area 3 times then I used that underwear in salah even though it’s not yet dry.

A:

The underwear you washed and is free of semen is clean, even if it is not dry. So, the prayer is valid.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Can girl marry if their parents disagreed?

A:

It all depends on why they are not agreeing or consenting.

They have a right to object for valid reasons such as faith, character, and ability to support you.

However, they have no right to object purely for ethnic, racial, or material considerations.

In the latter case, you can decide for yourself if you are an adult. Otherwise, it is wrong Islamically.

For details, you may refer to the following answer:

Can I Marry Without Parent’s Permission

And the following answer:

Can My Parents Reject a Marriage Proposal for Ethnic Reasons?

Almighty Allah knows best.