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Get Ready for Ramadan! – Counseling & Parenting Live Session

Aisha Mohammad
18 May, 2016

Dear Brother/Sisters,

Ask the Counselor & Ask About Parenting sections  held a special Counseling Live Session dedicated to Ramadan preparation on May 30th .

We received questions about Ramadan and studying, dealing with loss in Ramadan, long hours of fasting and other issues.

Please scroll down to read the questions along with its answers.

Stay tuned for our next live session..

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Monday, May. 30, 2016 | 07:00 - 09:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

Salam. My husband just died a few months ago. I was left with 3 kids. This is going to be our first Ramadan without him. We actually wanted to make Umrah in this Ramadan, subhanallah. I am trying to be patient and pray to Allah a lot as I know we all belong to Him and He chooses the time of our returning to Him. But I am a human with human feelings, and I feel really depressed and helpless sometimes. We really miss him. I cannot imagine how we will do in this Ramadan...Any advice how to survive?



As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved husband. Surely, this is a very difficult time for you and the children, and as it’s only been a few months, you are still grieving because it is a relatively new loss. It is difficult enough to deal with our own grief and sadness, but you are also dealing with your children’s as well.

I suggest dear sister that you find a therapist in your area to help you with the grief process as well as accessing your depression. I am not sure how old the children are, but family therapy may be helpful as well. In sha’ Allah, dear sister, I also encourage you to contact the imam of your mosque for support. In sha’ Allah, he may have some useful words for you or can direct you to a sisters’ group for comfort for the loss of your husband and for support during Ramadan.

Sisters who are aware of your situation should make extra efforts to reach out to you and your children during Ramadan. If there are no support groups at the Masjid, please do look on the internet for support groups for Muslim women who have lost their husbands.

Additionally sister, approach Ramadan with your heart set on fulfilling how your husband would have wanted you to spend Ramadan. Find a quiet place to sit, pray, and ask Allah (SWT) to grant ease and guide you through this most sad of times. Think about your husband, sister. Ask yourself, what he would want me to do this Ramadan. What would his advice be?

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Often times, when we lose our spouse, our best friend, our life partner, the grief consumes us to the point wherein we cannot remember how our spouse would have wanted us to carry on. Try to create a Ramadan for yourself and your children that would have made your husband smile. As Ramadan is a time of mercy, forgiveness, and seeking refuge from hellfire, it is also a time for drawing closer to Allah (SWT). Try to use this most blessed month for getting closer to Allah (SWT) despite your grief; there will be many blessings in that, in sha’ Allah.

You may find that during Ramadan your grief may decrease as your worship increases. Increase the time spent with family, sisters, social activities surrounding Ramadan and going to the mosque as much as you can to pray and partake in iftars and suhoor. This, in sha’ Allah, may help with your feelings of loss. Being alone all the time, isolated is not recommended. You need your sisters at this time, the ummah, and the strength that comes from being around those who love Allah and love you and your children for the sake of Allah.

Allah is most merciful, sister, please do remember that, and as you know, this life is a test. I know these words cannot take away any pain. Only Allah (SWT) can do that as well as time. However, the suggestions made can ease your grief and depression. You and your children are in our prayers sister.

We wish you a blessed and rewarding Ramadan.

Salam Aleikom. I am graduating from high school and my exams are at the beginning of Ramadan. We live in Europe. Of course, I do not want to not fast the first 2 weeks of Ramadan, but at the same time these exams are really important as my future depends on them. I am afraid fasting would affect my performance. What shall I do?



As-Salamu ‘Alaykum,

Thank you for your question. It is one that a lot of students worry about. As your future depends on your exams, your future also depends on your commitment to Allah (SWT) and your successful completion of Ramadan. Trusting in Allah (SWT) that you will make it through Ramadan, while at the same time doing well on your exams, is faith.

I kindly suggest that you make du’aa’ that Allah give you the strength, mental clarity, and energy to sustain your studies and exams. Allah is most merciful.

I further suggest that you ensure that you eat healthy, energizing foods after magrib and especially for suhoor. Also, stay hydrated throughout the evening and prior to beginning the daily fast. Getting the proper rest is also vital as our body repairs itself and re-energizes during sleep.

Make a schedule for your Ramadan obligations as well as your school obligations. Try to omit things in your daily schedule that can wait. If you organize your day and know that Allah is most merciful to His servants who seek to worship Him and sacrifice during Ramadan, you may find this much easier than you thought.

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May Allah grant you ease, and we wish you a most blessed Ramadan and successful completion of your exams.

Salam Aleikom. I am a working father living in Europe where magrib is really late and fajr is very early. Do you have any recommendation how I could manage my time in Ramadan?



As-Salamu ‘Alaykum brother,

Indeed, it is a very long time between magrib and fajr where you are. I would suggest that you use this time to read Qur’an, do dzhkir, spend time with family, possibly helping your wife with the chores and children as that would be a great relief for her, in sha’ Allah. Also, help others through charity events; get involved in your mosque’s activities as well as spending quiet time for drawing closer to Allah through the Islamic prescribed methods.

While you may feel this time is very long, you may actually see it go by rather quickly in sha’ Allah if you make a daily time chart for these activities. Structuring our time on paper or a calendar filled with times for reading Qur’an, chores, spending quality time with family, doing charity work, and helping others often fills up a whole day!

In regards to the longtime of fasting, in sha’ Allah ensure you are getting good rest as well as lots of good, energy sustaining foods for iftar and suhoor. Also, be sure to keep your body properly hydrated with water and other healthy drinks after magrib.

We wish you a most blessed Ramadan!

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Salam Aleikom. Ramadan is at the corner and I am quite afraid. I am married and have a child. I feel overwhelmed. How can I balance between my responsibilities towards Allah, my child, and my husband? My husband wants to have intecourse with me at nights, but I am always so tired and even if I have some energy, I prefer praying Tarawih or reading Quran in Ramadan. For me, sex during Ramadan is wasting time. Please help!



As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,

While Ramadan is a blessed month, indeed, you may feel extra pressures of stress and fatigue from fasting. It is normal and a lot of people do experience this. I would kindly suggest dear sister that you ask your husband to help you in sha’ Allah with the tasks of housekeeping and caring for your child, if he is able. This is also a time of family bonding and helping one another. This can serve to bring families closer, especially in regards to the responsibilities of day-to-day living and caring for a family.

If he is unable due to work obligations, perhaps get together with other sisters with children to see if you can form a sister group to support each other. By doing this, you can see how they manage all the responsibilities of a family during Ramadan and you can share tips with each other on how to manage. This can be very beneficial as you would be able to provide each other with support during Ramadan in sha’ Allah as well as encouraging one another. Our relationships with our sisters is a very blessed one, indeed.

As far as sex is concerned, it is also an important spiritual bonding between a husband and wife. However, if you are too tired and/or prefer to concentrate on Tarawih and reading Qur’an (as we should do), perhaps if you and your husband do this together, you will find it to be quite bonding as well as relieving pressures from him as in it is blessings. Talk with your husband and assure him that you do love him and desire him, but explain that you are fatigued and perhaps he can wait until you feel better. Being respectful and conscious of our spouse’s needs and limitations is important for a happy marriage. That goes for both his needs as well as yours. In sha’ Allah, if he is able to assist you with the child and household chores in the evening, it may give you more energy for intimate needs.

Lastly dear sister, Allah is most merciful. You may find that as Ramadan goes on, you will adjust more to the rigors of fasting and find that you may actually have more energy as your body adjusts (as some have reported). Please see this link for foods to eat which is especially designed for those who are fasting during Ramadan to provide energy during the day.

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I also suggest dear sister that you focus on the tenets of Ramadan, try not to do too much, prioritize what is of utmost importance, and let some of the things go that are not absolutely necessary. Reach out to other sisters for support as well as family and in sha’ Allah see if your husband can lend a hand during Ramadan. Try to perform Tarawih and read Qur’an with your husband – you may find him to be more understanding!

Wishing you a most blessed Ramadan, sister!