Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the counseling session with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 5 questions that our counselor has provided an answer for. We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming Live Sessions. Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Need guidance

Salam, Things have not been going well for me at all. I didn’t get admission in the desired university. I’m 30 and not married yet despite trying very hard. Thing at work isn’t well either.  What should I do?

Answer:

Salam alaikom dear sister,

Thank you for writing to us. Your letter is quite brief. You say that you are in need of guidance as things aren’t going well for you. You did not get admission to the university. You are still unmarried, although you say that you have tried so hard to get married. Furthermore, things at work are not good either. 

Try one-on-one counseling

Sister, you do not detail the context of your situation, so I do not have a lot of insight about what could be the source of your problem. What I can suggest to you first is to go to one-on-one counseling where you can share your struggle in more detail. About Islam has life coaching services where you can book a 30-minute or 60-minute session and speak with our counselor, Sr. Aisha Mohammed. Please check out the service here. 

Sister, usually, when we are feeling stacked in a situation, there are two possibilities: that time has not come yet, or we need to reset our perspective as our actual plans are not in line with our destiny. 

You might know the verse: 

“But they plan, and Allāh plans. And Allāh is the best of planners.” (Quran 8:30)

You might have certain plans, but Allah is the best of planners. He knows which direction we should take in order to accomplish our real goals in life.

We have to trust in His plan, in His Wisdom and see the Mercy of Allah when He distances us from certain things in life. See these rejections as a protection from greater trouble you might face on that path.

This means that maybe you need to examine your original expectations and plans and check what your preferences are. Are you sure that along this path you won’t need to compromise your identity in the future? Is there a possibility that this career path, for example, includes the participation and promotion of certain things that Allah has prohibited to us? 

Are you sure that previous potential spouses (if they were any) were the ones who you really needed?

Maybe just a small adjustment is enough. For example, you might need to change workplace as where you actually are not serves your self-development anymore. Or looking at possible marriage partners with different priorities.

The most important thing, my sister, is to want something what you can get and when you can get it. If your goals and wishes are in line with your actual possibilities, you will experience success and balance in life, in sha Allah.

How can this happen? By receiving the guidance of Allah (SWT):

“So ˹as for˺ those who submitted, it is they who have attained Right Guidance.” (Quran 72:14)

My sister, in order to receive the guidance of Allah, you need to submit to His will, and turn to Him only for guidance:

“Allah’s guidance is the ˹only˺ true guidance. And we are commanded to submit to the Lord of all worlds, establish prayer, and be mindful of Him. To Him you will all be gathered together.” (Quran 6:71-72)

Sometimes, the source of the imbalance is the timing. Your goals are in line with your destiny, but the time for taking action has not come yet. Maybe the right person for marriage has not appeared; maybe it is still not the moment for you to start this school. 

In this case, you need to be patient and think of the same verse about Allah’s plan above. 

According to Dr. Shabbir Actar, „Our ultimate purpose is to align our wills with the divine will, the very meaning of islām (self-surrender), as we learn to place a spontaneous, even effortless, trust in the divine plan for us.” And he continues: „However, what is ostensibly effortless trust requires much effort—the paradox of trust in God (tawakkul).”

How can you gain more trust in Allah?

Here are seven practical steps for practicing tawakkul. In this list, the last one is maybe the most desired one: to be pleased with the destiny written for you.

To conclude, sister, try to revise your plans and expectations in the light of these verses above. See where you need to make some adjustments to your priorities. Put your trust in Allah’s plan and accept that everything that is meant for you has its perfect time and place.

If you feel you would need more detailed counseling, check out our one-to-one counseling services. 

I wish you the best!

Question 2. Legit lost a lot of faith in Allah and his plan

For as long as I can remember I’ve been going thru nothing but hardships and mental torture I can’t put into words how I feel only that it saddens me that I’ve had some of the greatest opportunities to make halal money and get my family out of struggles. Allah knows why they didn’t work out wish I’m angry for as why dangle something in front of someone so depressed and then take it away.
For so long I’ve tried to stay away from haram money but finally I’m giving in and started to earn some haram money on the side as I’m tired of being let down and tired of struggling and Wallahi it hurts me to go down a path I promised myself time and time again I will never go down but I’ve been suffering with depression and stress which has caused me too loose hair or my hair turning grey. I smoke weed which helps me to ease my mind.

Answer:

Salam alaikom dear brother,

Thank you for sharing your concern with us.

You say that you have been going through a lot of hardships and it makes you sad and depressed that you were not granted some great opportunities to get your family out of their struggle. As a result, you have given up and started to earn haram money, although it makes you feel more hurt and depressed as you do not want to “go more down”. You smoke weed to ease your mind.

Brother, I understand your struggle and I am really sorry for your situation.

Certainly, sometimes our patience and perseverance are tested and we feel stacked in a situation. No matter how hard you try, you face closed doors. This can be very frustrating. It is also frustrating when your plans do not work out for some reason.

What can you do?

Well, certainly the solution is not to choose the path that Allah dislikes and prohibits. Both issues, earning haram money and using drugs, will not solve your problems, even if you experience some kind of sudden relief. 

Give Up Smoking Weed

I would start with the issue of smoking weed, because you have to understand that it might not be the root cause of your depressed state but certainly a contributor to it. 

Cannabis is also an intoxicant and, in the long run, has multiple harmful effects on your physical and mental health. It can also lead to addiction, which can worsen your depression and negative feelings about your situation. Furthermore, according to the research of Imperial College London, UCL, and King’s College London, “long-term cannabis users tend to produce less dopamine, a chemical in the brain linked to motivation.” 

In other words, long term cannabis smoking could also be responsible for the lack of motivation and for not having an interest in pursuing one’s goals.

So, first of all, I would advise to give up on this drug. It is not only prohibited in Islam, but it can worsen your depressive symptoms, such as sadness and feeling down. 

Besides the immediate side effects of marijuana abuse, the long-term ones include mood swings, lung infections or other breathing problems, panic attacks, and worsening symptoms in those with schizophrenia.

You can suspect addiction if you are unable to cut it down, despite your willingness and the negative consequences for your well-being.

You do not detail your consumption pattern, but if you think that you are addicted to it, please, check out a center where your addiction can be properly treated. Check out this Muslim Recovery Network Program, or call the Muslim Youth Helpline, and they will direct you accordingly.

This first step is essential to moving on and starting to work on your well-being.

Haram Earnings – No Barakah

You said, brother, that you have started to earn haram money as you are “tired of struggling and being let down.” Well, brother, this is something again that might cause you some temporary relief but definitely won’t help you in the long run, either economically nor psychologically. 

I think there is no need to detail that what is haram is haram, and if you are clearly aware that this is something prohibited, you have to make an effort to stay away from it. Check out this article about the sources of barakah.

However, I know that this situation can be more complex than this, especially with regard to where you live. In non-Muslim majority countries, something really simple, like working in a restaurant or in a grocery store, could be a real challenge.

I know that it might be really difficult to find certain jobs without the involvement of some haram or at least doubtful activity. Especially if you are an employee and have no control over the dealings of your company. The same applies to workplace settings, business transactions, and relationships. 

But this does not mean that there are no possibilities for Muslims at all. It also depends on what your priorities are. And your first priority should be to please Allah and do things for His sake.

Brother, it would be very important to strengthen your connection with Allah, especially through learning about Him. Who is He, the Creator? What do His Names mean, one by one? Try to reflect upon what His Power really means. Involve yourself with more prayers and focus on your heart.

There is a hasan hadith, narrated by Abu Huraira: “When the believer commits sin, a black spot appears on his heart. If he repents and gives up that sin and seeks forgiveness, his heart will be polished. But if (the sin) increases, (the black spot) increases. That is the Ran that Allah mentions in His Book: “Nay! But on their hearts is the Ran (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn.” [83:14] Sunan Ibn Majah 4244

You need to let yourself rely on Allah and on His guidance and believe that He is ar-Razzaq, the Provider and Sustainer. Letting yourself be guided means that you are also ready to take action when it is about changing direction.

Decide for change and take action

It could be a new course, a new type of job, you have never thought about. It could also be giving up certain habits and expectations that are impeding your progress.

Try to be flexible and ponder your possibilities and what you really would like to do. You can try to speak with a career counselor who can assess your capabilities and direct you towards your goals.

You do not detail what haram money earning means in your case. But if your income is clearly haram, and even if it involves other haram actions (like, for example, selling and trafficking drugs), you need to stop engaging in it.

Brother, as long as you are engaging in sinful acts, your repentance will not ease your guilt and sadness. There is no room for improvement, until you change your conditions and decide to start a new life.

You Can Do It

There is one more thing that could be very important in order to feel better about yourself. You have to believe that you are worth doing something more valuable and that you are also capable of doing it. If your self-esteem is healthy and you have confidence in your capabilities, your overall well-being will improve, and you will feel less sad and depressed. 

You said in your letter that you wanted to get your family out of their struggles. This means, brother, that you have a strong sense of responsibility to help your family, masallah. But make sure that you are not feeling guilty about something you have no control over.

Conclusion

Brother, give up using drugs, and relying on haram income. Repent, ask forgiveness from Allah and decide that you start a new life phase. Ask support from counselors, if needed, whether regarding your addiction, your career or your mental health. Strengthen your connection with Allah, and you will be guided.

Finally, here is a dua you might find beneficial: “O Turner of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your Religion.” (ya Muqallib al Quloob thabbit qalbi ‘alaa Deenik)

I wish you success.

Question 3. Feeling lost , I want My Iman Back

I am lost in more ways than one. I have committed terrible things in my life. Things that I could be put behind bars for. I want to repent against those I have hurt but I fear I will be sent to prison. The Quran Ayahs come to mind where it says whoever relies on Allah (SWT) will get provisions from places he could not have imagined. I keep this in mind and try to do good and repent but I can seem to do nothing. I cannot seem to repent, cannot seem to do good such as leaving haram money or leaving haram work etc etc. I also have committed awful sins, some that would get me kicked out of islam. The ayah in surah Munafiqun where it states that none of the munafiq will be guided and their hearts will be sealed…please I just want to get back to islam and want my imaan back but I keep feeling that I am not sincere as I cannot do the above steps…I feel even uncertain when saying the shahadah. Such is my plight.

Answer:

Salam alaikom brother,

Thank you for opening up and sharing your struggle with us. You say that you are feeling lost as you have committed many sins in the past. You feel that your repentance is not sincere, but you would like to gain back your imaan again. 

The ayas you mention are indeed very important reminders, and I feel that you are trying to rely on them for guidance.

But ask yourself: What prevents you from changing and from staying away from harmful things? Think about it, and write down your thoughts. Is it related to some belief about yourself? What are these beliefs? 

Or is it more related to bad habits or perhaps bad company that prevents you from implementing the steps?

If you decide on a change and you do not see the result right away, you do not need to lose your hope and give up. You may perceive these events as evidence that you are not being heard and no one accepts your repentance. But you have to give yourself time, brother, and be persistent in your willingness to change. 

Also, try to set realistic goals and take a gradual approach. If your expectations are too much, the initial enthusiasm can easily turn into disappointment. Set them according to your present possibilities and decide to increment these expectations gradually. 

Dear Brother, I can reassure you that you are not alone. Most of us experience feelings of disconnection from Allah at least at one point in life. And this feeling is indeed scary, especially if you have ever felt the sweetness of faith.

You have to know that all of us sin, and these sins affect our iman. Remember the hadith:

“The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) would often say: Ya Muqallibal-qulub, thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik(‘O Changer of the Hearts! Strengthen my heart upon Your Religion.)’ So I said: ‘O Prophet of Allah! We believe in you and what you have come with, but do you fear for us?’ He said: ‘Yes. Indeed the hearts are between two Fingers of Allah’s Fingers, He changes them as He wills.'” Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2140

This was one of the frequent duas of the Prophet. Imagine, even he feared that Allah would turn his heart away from Him! So, we all, without exception, need to constantly fear Allah and hope His Mercy at the same time.

“He changes them as He wills.” Furthermore, this means that He can also change your heart towards Him and towards Islam, as long as you are alive, so no need to give it up and try.

I know that there are moments when you might feel that there is no way back. But our Islamic tradition, the Quran and Sunnah, is full of examples of the forgiveness of Allah and His Ultimate Mercy. Brother, there is always a way back to Islam, alhamdulillah

No matter how far you feel you have gone, if you decide that you want change and take steps and you persevere, success will come. 

What are the practical steps you can take to gain back your iman?

You stated near the end of your letter that you believe your repentance is not sincere because you cannot implement the steps and get back to Islam easily. Also, you mentioned Surah Munafiqun, verse 3: “This is because they believed and then abandoned faith. Therefore, their hearts have been sealed, so they do not comprehend.”

Brother, according to this tafsir, this verse refers to the hypocrites, who believed outwardly but not inwardly. So, it might not be your case, as you are rather experiencing a faith crisis now. However, sinning and turning way from Allah indeed sickens your heart and make you feel disconnected from the guidance of Allah.

I would advise you to focus on your heart, brother. If your heart is sick, it will have both life and illness. It has the love of Allah, but also the love for desires and for this world, and is constantly waving between these two states. 

Some symptoms of the sick heart are having a preference for harmful and damaging things, whether they be food or other wrong habits. You can read more about this topic in this compilation by Ahmad Farid, and in this one, translated by Sheikh Hamza Yusuf, for example.

How can you purify and cure your heart and feel the sweetness of iman again?

By turning away from wrong deeds and everything and everyone that reminds you of them.

Brother, try to change your habits. Make a concerted effort to break and avoid harmful and bad habits. Make them inaccessible to you. Change passwords, get rid of stuff, whatever the case may be. Identify your triggers that urge you to engage in wrongdoing and occupy yourself with something else while seeking refuge from Allah. 

At the same time, increase your good deeds, and you can also work on building new, healthy habits instead. Try to do some exercise once a day, for example, and take care of your health by eating well. Love yourself and respect your needs, whether psysical, emotional ones. You deserve care, care of your needs, your feelings and to be heard.

Change your company, and evolve yourself with righteous and good people. Even if you feel like a “stranger” among them, as your heart is cleaning, you will feel more and more comfortable in their presence. Cut relationships with those who have a bad influence on you.

Good deeds will eradicate bad deeds

Brother, try to do as many good deeds as you can, as, according to authentic sources, it will uplift your iman. Just look around and see who needs some help. You can also start with a smile, with a greeting. Help your family, check upon the needy, etc. 

Be patient

Give yourself time, too, brother. I am sure that you can make it. Be patient and accept that this process requires time and effort. Try to find support around you, people who know what you have been going through and can help you when you need it.

If you are feeling stacked and helpless, try to contact a helpline, or see your local imam, or seek a counselor. It would be better to have these phone numbers prepared somewhere so you can just dial them when you need to.

Here are some helplines: Open Counseling Hotlines, Umang Hotline, Solace Islamic Mental Health Services

I wish you brother ease and success.

Question 4. Whispers

Im getting whisphers like i dont need allah. what to do

Answer:

Salam alaikom dear brother,

Thank you for writing to us. You say that you are having whispers that you do not need Allah. You want to know what to do. 

Brother, whispers, or waswasa, in Arabic, are part of the Islamic tradition. It refers to the whispers of Satan or our nafs, trying to cause doubts in religious matters:

“And we have already created man and know what his soul, whispers to him and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.” (Quran 50:16).

You might doubt the Islamic correctness of your behaviors, actions, and even thoughts about Islam. You might doubt the power, or even the existence, of Allah. 

You don’t go into detail, so why do you think you don’t need Allah? In which part of life do you think that you are self-sufficient? Is it related to the desire to get rid of certain rules or perceived “restrictions” that religion requires? If not, then what?

Please, try to analyze the root cause of your thoughts. Probably, that is the area where you have to strengthen your faith, and your dependence on Allah. Reflect upon about the Names and Attributes of Allah, especially those that are related these doubts.

What else you can do?

These thoughts can be wiped away with increased religious practices like more worship, dhikr, and seeking refuge from Allah. 

“Indeed, when Satan whispers to those mindful ˹of Allah˺, they remember ˹their Lord˺ then they start to see ˹things˺ clearly.” (Quran 7:201)

So, I advise you to increase your worship and your remembrance of Allah.

Brother, all creatures of Allah depend on Him: “All those in the heavens and the earth are dependent on Him. Day in and day out He has something to bring about.” (Quran 55:29)

Even if certain situations make you believe that in our times we can live without the guidance of Allah, certainly this is not the case. Please, check out this and this article, and I encourage you to increase your knowledge and learn more about Islam and Islamic theology. 

Brother, if you become more mindful of Allah, increase your worship and knowledge, but still face whisperings, you might have to check out whether it has to do with another form of waswasa namely waswasa al-qahri. 

Waswasa al-qahri

This condition falls under the category of mental disorders among Muslims, as this is a form of religious scrupulosity. It is a manifestation of religious OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder. In your case, it could be some form of obsessive, recurrent, repetitive thoughts that impair your daily functioning and spiritual practices.

The main difference between waswasa and waswasa al-qahri, that while the first should diminish with religious and spiritual interventions, the second one is a mental disorder and needs treatment. 

If you think that this might be the case, you need to seek a counselor who will do all the necessary assessments. 

In both cases, it would be very helpful to understand that the source of these thoughts is not within you but external to you. In Islamic tradition, waswasa is caused by Satan. So, you definitely can separate yourself from these whispers. There is no need to identify yourself with them. 

At any case I recommend this article for more information.

If you have further doubts related to Islamic theology, you can write to our section, Ask About Islam. 

Question 5. Is it actually true what the Christians are saying?

AssalamuAlakuim I am a musilm sister and I was wondering was the signs Christianity said that would come true like a red river coming and we not knowing how it came or like how war and rumors of it would come and haven’t end and like in ukirane and Russia having war and it have not ended and also famines happenings so like Yemen and Somalia and also the moon turning blood color and also scientists saying “the moons rusting and we don’t know why”. And for more earthquakes happen and natural disasters like hurricane Katrina happen and earthquakes that happen. And as a sister I am wondering if these are all true like what’s happening now (please answer) I’m confused about it how can I cure myself from thinking about that and confusion of my faith?

Answer:

Salam alaikom wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu, dear sister,

Thank you for writing to us with your concern. As I understand, you are asking about events that are happening nowadays, and that they possibly can be interpreted as the signs of the last days according to Christianity. And you are wondering if these signs are true, how can you feel confident about your faith in Islam?

I am not an Islamic scholar but a counselor, so I cannot provide a scholarly answer to your quesiton. If you would like to know more about the differences between the signs of the last hour in Christianity and Islam, please write to our section, Ask About Islam, and you will receive a more detailed answer, in sha Allah. 

I also recommend this and  this articles from our site on this topic. 

The Abrahamic Common Ground

But what I would like to point out here are two things. One is that Islam and Christianity are both Abrahamic religions and share common traditions. There are many similarities in the teachings. Both reveal the return of Prophet Isa before the Last Day, for example. And we Muslims are required to believe in all scriptures sent by the One and True God, those that were revealed before the Quran as well.

Our first sources are the Quran and the Sunnah. But we not necessarily reject knowledge from other Abrahamic sources as long as they not contradict the Quranic revelation, what always comes first. We Muslims do accept the uncorrupted, original teachings revealed to previous prophets.

It means that in the description of the Last Day you will find similar concepts, and also some of them are not in contradiction. But you need to rely first on the Quranic one, as this is the final, complete revelation sent by Allah (SWT).

The Question of Interpretation

The second one is that if you look carefully through history, you will realize that these signs you mentioned: natural catastrophes, earthquakes, long wars, rivers turning red, plagues, have happened multiple times here, there, and everywhere. And humans tend to interpret these events according to their beliefs and according to their fears and hopes. 

Since we have more access to information, we can easily check these facts, and we will see that some of these events were announced as the ultimate true signs of the end of the world, but then it became clear that it was not the case. Check out this list from past events and this article about events that were believed to be apocalyptic according to some Christians.

Sister, humans tend to see a causal connection between certain events, even when there is no evidence that they are related. Human nature is looking for certainty and trying to give meaning to the things that are happening around us. Why?

Because we do experience a sense of insecurity when we think that we are unable to predict and control future events. The lack of certainty impacts our level of anxiety, negative feelings and fears. Furthermore, certainty also works as some kind of reward when things work out as we predicted.

What we know for sure is that the Last Day will come, and there will be signs that precede this event. 

“The Hour is certainly coming, there is no doubt about it. But most people do not believe.” Quran 40:59

So, I would say that these recent events can be interpreted as prophecies just like other similar events in the past. At the same time, they can have other alternative interpretations as well. So, they are quite unlikely to be signs of the end times, regardless of that it was described by Christian sources. And just because some people claim to see the manifestation of these predictions, it does not mean that they truly are. 

So, my sister, I recommend not taking these recurring predictions as the basis of your conviction and your doubts. 

While it is a part of our faith that we believe with certainty in the Hereafter and on the Day of Judgement, these concepts are meant to give you meaning and hope, not cause you doubt. Try to focus on the present instead of the future, which we have no knowledge about. 

I know, sister, that you are still young, masallah. Maybe in your lifespan and in your surroundings, these are significant events that you experience first-hand. But if you try to see the events more globally, with a broader scope, you will see that the history of humanity contains many, many similar events that could have been interpreted as signs of the Hour. 

Please, if you have further doubts, write to our other sections: Ask About Islam and Ask the Scholar

May Allah bless you!

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general. They are purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.