Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the counseling session with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 8 questions that our counselor has provided an audio answer for. We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming Live Sessions. Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Constant Daydreaming Problem

I have an ongoing problem for the past few years that I haven’t been able to find a solution to. I feel I am trapped in a cycle of constant daydreaming and I don’t know how to get out. I daydream for hours to the point that I lose track of time, sometimes even miss (or almost miss) prayer. It makes me sleep late, oftentimes past 12 am. Imagining a stop sign or setting a timer doesn’t help, because I don’t know how to gain that self-control to stop. Even filling my day with things that interest me doesn’t help, because it’s hard to concentrate many times. Maybe it’s an escape from stress, but there are things in life that are beyond my control. And I’ve done all I can with these problems  but the rest is in Allah’s control. And there are things that bother me but I don’t think anyone can understand, because there are details that I don’t want to tell anyone. So I feel I’m trapped and I just resort to daydreaming about various different things that have nothing to do with the problems (happy moments from childhood, reflecting about life, recalling different instances in life, etc).

Any advice?

Answer:

Question 2. I feel terrible and depressed because of the precious years I’ve lost

Assalamu Alaikum,

I come from a very strict family, not in a religious way, but a cultural way. My mother was and is hyper controlling. She restricted my mobility. After my father’s death she insisted that we stayed under his brother’s control. I never got to travel. Never even left my city. Could never hang out with my friends. Didn’t even make a lot of friends because i knew my family will make it hard to socialize with them and I’ll end up feeling embarrassed. Inside, i value being an independent adult. I value being able to take care of oneself. And whenever i get a chance, i perform the best on my own. But because i haven’t been able to make my own decisions because of the trauma response of my mother’s bullying, people see me as puny and even my cousins hint that they see me as someone incapable and weak, even though they know well what i have been dealing with all alone. I don’t want to sound like a victim, at 32, i think I’m starting to heal. I’m learning that i have the right to reclaim my mobility, be an affective adult, socialize and make friends. But the feeling of inadequacy and inferiority is also getting stronger day by day. Mostly because i still find it hard to get rid of the trauma response that gives my mother’s verbal abuse power over me. I see younger girls doing whatever they want, and it’s great to see by the way, i see the way everyone hypes them up. And it makes me feel small. Like I’ve wasted my life, my twenties being a prisoner. My mother’s inadequacy kept me hostage. She failed as a mother when it came to finding a match for, so I’m left with the responsibility too. She’ll be fine if she can spend her life in one room, being a prisoner to her family’s traditions, and that’s what she wants to me. I know i do have some power. I want to become financially stable and for that I’m working on marketable skills. I know that i need to reclaim my mobility and I’m trying to find ways to be able to do that. But all of it doesn’t make the sense of loss go away. The loss of my twenties, the loss of so many chances to live my life. The sense that I’m a looser and people see me as a coward and puny, because i can’t just whatever i want, because I’m afraid, because her verbal abuse gets to me. Because she has more support in family than i do. Basically i have no support. I don’t know how to stop feeling so less than everyone.

Answer:

Question 3. Why would Allah make my life difficult ?

Assalamu aleykoum
I’m 23 years old and I have had an addiction to porn since I was 10 . I consume it once and sometimes twice a week i noticed that Its getting worse throughout the years as Im getting involved in cybersex with other males and have even had strong desire to meeting up these people. I have tried to stop again and again but to no avail. My desire overpowers me everytime. I wake up for tahajjud and pray to Allah for marriage and a job for two years . The son of a family friend did come along but I didn’t like him and I dont want to spend my life with him and it left me confused and questioning god as I have been making countless dua for it . My parents didn’t know this but they rejected him as they know I have other plans of working and moving back abroad to the west where my siblings live . However I don’t trust myself in the state that I’m in. I have been unemployed for a long time I tried looking for jobs but because of circumstances out of my hand I’ve been unemployed . I don’t understand why Allah would close doors for me.

Answer:

Question 4. My mother is depressed and isolated

Assalam Aleykum
My mother raised me and my sister by herself with some help from family. And 10 years ago us 3 moved to New York. About 7 years ago my sisters engagement broke, my grandpa, my aunt and my cousin passed away. Which I know took a big toll on her. She’s anti-social and doesn’t have any friends here. She stopped working, interacting with people and isolated herself and the only people that interacts with are us. And for 7 years her mental condition has gradually deteriorated. She has gotten physical and verbal with me and my sister which she has not done ever in her life. She says inappropriate things that children should never hear from their mother. Has broken things at home and see everyone: strangers, kids, and neighbors as the, literal sense of the word, “enemy”. May Allah forgive me it has gotten to the point where I had to get physical with her to stop her from breaking things or get abusive towards me or my sister. I feel lost and don’t know what to do. My mind goes from leaving everything and going back home and trying to make things work out, to taking her to the psychiatric hospital. I don’t know how to help her Islamicly and without her being resistant

She’s very resistant and saying that we should seeking counseling is us saying that she’s a psychopath.

Anwer:

Question 5. Anxiety and Negative thoughts

How Do I deal with my Anxiety and negative thoughts. I am 35 and have 2 kids. 2 yr old and 1 yr old. I am always having negative thoughts about something bad will happen to my daughter like disease and it’s constant which gives me so much anxiety that i cant get rid of that specific thought . and i pray all kids stay safe and healthy ameen… I am really worried how do i get rid of this thought specifically.

Answer:

Question 6. Obsession with jinns

Asalamualaikum, I am getting obsessed with jinns . I would watch jinn videos all day and I would fantasise meeting jinns . I try to pray but I feel lazy . I’m worried . I don’t want to be like this . Is there a jinn around me that is making me do this ?

Anwer:

Question 7. Ocd & mental illness

I am really struggling with praying & keeping up with obligations of islam. I am a revert with ocd, ptsd & depression, i have struggled with doing ocd compulsions my whole life & the obligatory practices give me ptsd from forcing myself to do compulsions from my ocd, causing panic attacks extremely frequently. I feel terrible that i am unable to keep up & i don’t know what to do. Please help.

Answer:

Question 8. Justice

I made a horrible mistake due to my anger and ignorance which caused my marriage to end. I am the one responsible for it. I humiliated myself by the evil I have put forth with my own hands. I understand that this is entirely my fault of my own free will. I have been regretting my actions ever since. I made many istighfar, but I am not satisfied. I continue to regret it and perform istighfar. This has been the biggest mistake/evil I have ever committed in my lifetime. I ask Allah to guide me. I have felt much positive transformation in my character. I am more conscious of my anger. I seek to be more emotionally intelligent in my encounters with others. However, there is much pain and guilt lingering around plus I have picked up light nicotine addiction. Also, I keep missing my fajr salat.
Is this the justice of Allah?

Answer:

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general. They are purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.