Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Thank you for participating in the session.
Please find the 4 questions to which our counselor provided answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.
Thank you for your understanding.
Question 1. Hijab
I am a 20 year old med student I so want to start wearing hijab but I feel I might not look attractive and it’s a lifelong responsibility what if I won’t be able to continue it I am scared, I feel I won’t be as impressive as I am now and it will restrict me in a bad way, but I really want to start wearing it , please guide me through this.
Salam aleikom dear sister,
I am thrilled to read that you decided to wear the hijab, mashallah. May Allah bless you for the efforts you have been doing to Him.
It is a huge step, indeed, a big change in a woman’s life. You need to get used to a different face in the mirror when stepping outside the public. It is not easy, but a beautiful step towards Allah to please Him in this way, too. Make sure He appreciates all your efforts, dear, may Allah reward you.
Dear beautiful sister, many of us are afraid of big decisions in life such as donning the hijab. However, if we stay in our comfort zone all the time and do not do anything we are scared of, we will never grow and achieve success.
Remember why you do this
Just remind yourself constantly about why you do this: you want that Allah is pleased with you when He looks at you. You seek His mercy and love. You love Him to the extent that you put His desire over yours, his pleasing over pleasing the people. You know if you please Allah in your life, He will shower you with His blessings in this life and the Hereafter. You will be happier and more successful inshallah.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Allah says: ‘I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’ ” (Bukhari)
Believe me, very soon you will get used to the new look. Make dua to Him to make this decision easy for you, make you steadfast in it, and make you love your hijab to the extent that after that you can’t even imagine life without it. When any time you feel insecure, turn to Him. Now its Ramadan when the bigger Satans are chained and the doors of Paradise are open. You might want to take this chance and start this new page in your life as Muslim. May Allah reward you!
You mentioned that you are mainly afraid that you will not look attractive. Sister, make sure you will be so attractive to pious brothers! Inshalla who knows, maybe this move will be the one due to which Allah will bless you with a nice husband who will make you happy.
Find your hijab style
Although hijab should be modest, there are many beautiful materials, colors and styles. You can wear your hijab that makes you feel good about yourself. Check out youtube, it offers super nice hijab tips. (Just make sure you try those that still keep it modest.) As you find yourself in other types of clothes and create your own unique style, look at hijab the same way. Find your own style you love.
I also recommend you read stories of other sisters who decided to wear the veil to get inspired. Read some of the converted sisters’ stories in particular and learn about how they struggled with their parents and environment to be able to get accepted with hijab.
As I understood from your message, you are a born Muslim in a country that accepts hijab in public. Mashallah, it’s such a blessing! How many sisters need to leave their country to do the same, subhanAllah. Get the courage by others’ stories inshallah, you will find some really powerful ones even on aboutislam.net.
Some might not agree with me, but if it assists you, I believe you could take this wearing the hijab issue gradually. This is what I also did: I used to wear it at the beginning only when I went to the sisters’ gathering and the mosque. I did this for months. Eventually, I went to an interview with it and when I got accepted, I decided, I will continuously wear it from now on. So if you feel it might be something that helps, wear it maybe once or twice when you go shopping, or obviously to the mosque. Then eventually start wearing it permanently at other places as well.
You Have Free Will
You also mentioned you fear you might want to take it off. Well, technically speaking, you can always take it off. No one puts a gun toward your head to do anything: it’s all your decision. Your whole life is your own responsibility. So yes, you can always choose to take it off, it will be considered a sin as you know like any other sin such as smoking or drinking alcohol. But it’s your decision and only Allah knows your intentions.
I personally know sisters who did this: they were married but then got divorced. They were left alone with children, their husbands didn’t help them financially, no family, their environment was not Muslim friendly even, so they decided to not pressure themselves further and started working without hijab. I am not saying it’s right as really when you keep Allah as priority and what He wants, He always but always helps you out.
Remember the hadeeth: “I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me.”
But it can happen…However, do not think of this option sister. Do not put it even in your mind. Instead, remember, Allah is our ultimate helper in this life. Trust Him. Focus on the reason you wish to wear it. Inshallah you will find the comfort and happiness you seek.
Be brave sister, may Allah reward you!
Question 2. Why Am I Always Fearing About Death?
Whatever I Do My Mind Feel Fear About Death
Get Me A Good Mind Relaxing For This Please
Thank you for writing to us. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. Indeed, you are not alone, sister: we all fear death to a certain extent as it is something unknown and we tend to fear things we have never experienced.
What concerns me is that you seem to have an excessive fear of death that interferes in your daily life although you did not mention anything about your exact circumstance.
On one hand, it might occur just naturally as you are at an age when young adults sense more the limits of this life and start to have existential questions about their place on earth. They might have even met face to face death due to the passing away of one of their loved ones, so they develop a strong fear of death.
They leave the comfort and security of high school and parenting and start a new life with more responsibilities lying down on their shoulders. It is scary! But inshallah these fears will pass, you will create your life and your anxiety will eventually reduce and disappear inshallah.
On the other hand, there could be some kind of trauma that happened to you that caused your excessive fear of death. I would like you to ponder on when this fear has started or when you feel it gets triggered, in what kind of circumstances.
What exactly are you afraid of when it comes to death? Do you fear your own death, or others? Do you fear you might have a violent death, or that you lose the chance to do more good deeds before the Day of Judgment? Understanding the source of your fear might help you rationalize your thoughts and thus reduce anxiety.
As Muslims, our first and foremost shield against any negative thought and fear is the Quran. It is our guidance, and indeed it contains all the remedies we need for this life.
“When the Qur’an is melodiously recited, Allah’s sakina (tranquility) will descend upon our hearts, and the angels will envelop us in Divine Mercy.” (Abu Dawud)
It is Ramadan now, so inshallah, you are anyway reading the Quran: read it in a way that you are searching for ayas that ease your anxiety of death inshallah. You might find articles full of these ayats and ahadith that help you reduce your fear of death.
It is Ramadan, so it is the best time to practice turning to Allah with your fears. Complain to Him, pour your heart to Him in prayers, ask Him to ease the pain you feel. Duas are the best ways to find our inner peace.
Practice relaxation techniques.
Whenever these troubling thoughts come to you, imagine a stop sign. Stop these thoughts and replace them with healthy ones. Create whatever sentence makes you feel at ease. For example, Allah is the Protector, so He will protect me. Death is just a phrase in life, what matters is that I inshallah enter Jennah after it. Anything that makes you calm, use it.
If you feel you cannot get rid of these thoughts alone, I highly recommend you turn to a psychologist for one to one therapy. Or maybe you can find group therapy as well. There is no shame in seeking help for fears. Inshallah a professional therapist will help you process anything that triggers your fears and be able to deal with these troubling thoughts.
I hope I can give you some relief.
Have a blessed Ramadan,
Question 3. How do I gain my faith back?
About a few months ago I made an effort to pray and most days did pray 5 times, I was always curious about Islam being in a Muslim household and embraced it. But I am starting to question a lot and I don’t feel the same when I hear about the miracles of the Quran, before I was whole heartedly shocked and amazed when hearing about the perfectness and the miracles found in the Quran and I really did feel it in my heart, but now I do not feel the same but I am still shocked but not with that feeling in my heart. I’ve cried several times to my mother about being worried about my iman, but I feel nothing is working. Ramadan is now coming up and as you know Shaytan is locked up during then, so if I do still feel the same about the miracles of the Quran then the blame is on me, and I am scared that I am truly a disbeliever and Allah (swt) did not want to guide me.
Salam Aleikom dear sister,
Thank you for writing to us. It has amazed me how concerned you are about your faith while you are only 13, mashallah! Your question shows your sincerity which I am sure inshallah that Allah also sees and appreciates. May Allah reward you for the feeling of perfecting yourself, may Allah always keep you on the right path and strengthen your beautiful soul.
Sister, what you experience we all experience as faith goes always up and down. That is just part of human nature. Sometimes we are so touched by the words of Allah, we cry in prayer and sometimes we just rush through it, may Allah forgive us. Sometimes we feel so close to Allah and afraid to do any sins, other times we fall into sinning easily. Strengthening our faith, by actions such as praying, making dua to Allah, reading the Quran with understanding, and doing righteous deeds, is a continuous task of a Muslim.
„Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest” [al-Ra’d 13:28]
Connecting with the Quran
Maybe the issue with the miracles of the Quran is that you have already heard that information, so it does not touch you as much as when you heard it for the first time? Maybe what you need in regards to the Quran is listening to its tafseer in depth. It is truly amazing mashallah, it trembles the heart! You can find many programs and tafseer videos online. Pick one that feels closest to you.
Maybe you want to read and discuss the Quran with someone. Maybe there is a gathering in your local mosque where you can attend Islamic seminars and Quran classes. If not, find one online! Join some kind of study group, socialize with other sisters who also want to learn more about the Quran and strengthen their faith.
Talking to Allah
You mentioned that you cry to your mom about being worried about your faith. How about also crying to Allah? After prayer, just open up your heart and talk to Him. He is there to listen to you and ease your pain. Complain to Him, tell Him how’s the pain you feel, and how much you want to be touched by His words. Ramadan is here, and there is no better chance than now to refresh your connection with Allah.
You mentioned that “Shaytan is locked up during then, so if I still feel the same about the miracles of the Quran then the blame is on me, and I am scared that I am truly a disbeliever and Allah(swt) did not want to guide me.”
While it is true that the majority of satans are now locked up in Ramadan, there are still evil forces that are out and whisper to us. Please read this article.
Sister, do not be too harsh on yourself. While it is truly amazing that you feel a constant push towards getting better in the eyes of Allah and wanting to follow His guidance, do not despair. Allah perfectly knows your heart, your intentions, your struggles and if you constantly turn to Him, He will take care of your emotions.
“By time, Indeed, mankind is in loss, Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.” (Surat Al/Asr)
You are on the right path inshallah. May Allah bless you!Salam,
Question 4. Am I supposed to forgive?
My niece was murdered in 2021 by someone she knew. This woman who killed her has had her children in my home before. I hear people say you have to find forgiveness in your heart so you can move on but I can’t. I try not to think of her so that I don’t wish her the worst but I don’t think I could ever forgive her even if she became Muslim today.
Salam Aleikom sister,
Thank you for writing to us! You describe a tough situation subhanallah, may Allah grant your niece paradise and forgive her sins, and may Allah make it easy for the family.
As you know, murdering another person in Islam is a major sin, and the person who did it has to receive punishment. This is according to all laws of the world, not just Islamic rulings. So I assume this person, even though she is a non-Muslim, has already received her punishment from the government.
Sister, more than seeking justice at the court, you cannot do anything in this situation. Relieve your soul and hand the situation over to Allah. Be sure if not in this life, in the next life He will surely make justice for all the sins humanity has committed on Earth.
The nature of this life sister is that you find many unjust things in it. It is not Paradise. It has good and bad as humans have given the free, but be sure that Allah brings justice on the Day of Judgment to everyone –including your niece.
I advise you sister, first and foremost, to turn to Allah. Dua is the most powerful tool we Muslims have in order to gain our inner peace, especially after such a trauma that happened to you and your family. It is Ramadan now, so the best time to recharge your faith and get stronger is by relying on Him.
“Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.” (13:28)
Turn to Him and complain about your feelings, ask Him to make forgiveness and move on easy for you. Ask Him to grant your niece the highest places of Jannah. Allah is the only one who is able to do anything and help you in all situations, so keep close to Him through prayers and duas.
Also, remember that Allah can forgive all sins.
“O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Quran 39: 53)
So if He is the Most Merciful, who are we to not forgive a person. I really understand your situation and feel for you. I know this seems impossible, but let me explain why I am saying this.
When injustice happens to us or to one of our loved ones, we become extremely angry. We feel we will never be able to forgive this person. We often wish him or her death and all the bad. However, by this we only hurt ourselves.
There is a saying: “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Anger only shakes the peace of our soul and not the one who has committed the sin: does it worth letting anger interfere to a great extent in our life for years knowing that Allah is The Judge (Al Hakam), the Absolutely Just (Al-Adl)?
I advise you to read a bit more about these names of Allah. Inshallah it will help you to move on from the trauma you experienced. Inshallah it will help you to see forgiveness as an act of goodness.
Hand over your anger to Allah. Let Him be the judge and set yourself free from ill feelings that only harm your beautiful soul. Forgive so that Allah forgives all your sins as well. Forgive for your own benefit.
There is a beautiful article about four reasons why forgiveness is good for your soul. Read it, inshallah it will further help you process your grief and calm your anger.
May Allah help you find your peace,
Friday, Mar. 31, 2023 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.