Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Thank you for participating in the session with your questions.
Please find the 4 questions to which our counselor provided answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.
Question 1. God’s sovereignty
I’m a Muslim from birth, living in the West and with being exposed to non Islamic ideas has been hard for me recently, recently I started getting intrusive thoughts about if multiple universes might exist maybe each universe has its own God? Wallahi this is embarrassing to talk about. I have heard that if you have these thoughts and doubts you are not a Muslim, I really want a counterargument to these thoughts so I don’t end up believing them. These thoughts upset me and I want to make sure I can avoid being lead into kufr because of them and stay with good belief insha allah.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahamatulahi wa barakatuh,
It is clear that the thoughts that you are having about wondering if there are other universes with their own God’s is causing you a lot of distress. As difficult as this may be for you to bear, the positing about this is that the fact that it is causing you upset will give you the motivation to leave these thoughts behind so that you can stop feeling this way. You can use these feelings to push you towards Allah in seeking His comfort and guidance.
I cannot advise whether having such thoughts and doubts means you are not a Muslim, but from my understanding, having these thoughts do not make you a non-Muslim, but acting on them inappropriately might. We are rewarded and punished by our actions. In fact, the one who has a negative intention, yet does good is still rewarded. This would lead me to believe that these thoughts don’t take you out of the fold of Islam. However, as you may know already, thoughts are generally what cause us to act in certain ways, so whilst you are having these thoughts, they might lead you to do something haram. So, even if thoughts are not actually making you a kufr, they could very easily lead to it and this is why it is important that you try and tackle them to avoid this.
Thoughts like you are having are almost certainly whispers from Shaytan. Shaytan loves nothing more than to make people doubt Islam and will do his best to take them away from Islam. Your task is to not let him win. If you let him win then surely you would end up on the path of kufr, which we don’t want. Regardless of whether you were having these thoughts, or any other doubting thoughts, it’s very important that we all protect ourselves from Shaytan. The good thing is, this is very simple. With a little commitment from you, in she Allah, you can banish these thoughts and live a successful life on the path of Islam.
In general, keeping Allah in mind at all times will guide your thoughts and actions and push Shaytan away. You cannot possibly entertain Shaytans whispers if you are strong in the faith of Allah. You can do this by learning and remembering all the dual that you do throughout the day as you perform certain tasks like eating, going to the bathroom, dressing, going out..etc.. If this is new to you, or you don’t know the duas yet, then you can put sticky labels as reminders in spots where you can see them. If you don’t know the duas yet, you might begin at least just by saying Bismisillah. This will remind you that you are doing something in the name of Allah. It means that you are thinking of Allah before you do something. It’ll stop you you from doing things that Allah might not be pleaded with too. For example, if you say it before you leave the house, it’ll cause you to ask yourself if where you’re going and what you’re doing is acceptable to Allah. Will it be pleasing to Allah.
Morning and evening Adhkar are also excellent protectors from Shaytan. Again, if you don’t know them yet then you could begin by reading them from a printed page. The duas included in this nearly routine serve a s protection from a multitude of things, including Shaytans whispers that cause thoughts like your having.
Theses things are important for everyone to do, but in you specific situation, there are a couple of additional things that I believe would be of benefit.
Firstly, be cautious about what you are exposed to. Be careful about the movies you watch and materials you read. The types of thoughts you are having seem very similar to the type of content that is often portrayed in fantasy fiction. This might be what is leading you to such thoughts. If you know that these are the kinds of things that you watch and read then I’d highly advise you to stay away from them as much as possible. Remember that these things are fiction and fiction means these tales have been made up for entertainment purposes. If you feel that perhaps you are watching or reading this kind of thing, then for the sake of Allah, remind yourself that it’s all made up and refrain from it. Replace such hobbies with something more productive that won’t effect your thoughts in a negative way and will instead inspire them to better.
At your age, education plays a huge part of your life. Use this to your advantage and make sure to integrate Islamic studies into this if it isn’t already. You are well used to being in a learning environment and learning new things every day so do make sure to increase your Islamic knowledge also. You might foxus at this point in particular on learning about and getting to know Allah. I say this in particular as if you can get a strong grasp on who Allah is and understand all of His qualities, you will naturally be able to be the one challenging your own thoughts. You will be able to ask yourself if the thoughts you are having really could be true and answer with an answer informed by your own knowledge of Islam. For example, perhaps there are other universes out there that we don’t know about. Only Allah knows this. There are many things that Allah knows and we don’t. If we are Muslims strong in faith then it becomes easy for us to acknowledge these unknowns, whilst trusting His design and plan. Knowledge of Him helps here. For example, whilst there may be more universes out there, would not Allah Himself have been the one to create them? If there were other God’s would there not have been war between them? We only have to look at leaders of the countries on this earth alone to realise that when there are different leader of different lands, then war and competition is almost inevitable. Knowledge of Allah and His Power and other attributes will help you to understand these things better and have faith in Allah as the One and only God, Creator of everything.
I hope this helps give you a nudge in the right direction regarding your intrusive thoughts. May Allah continue to guide you and keep you on the straight path. May He bless you with knowledge that will bring you success in both this life and the next.
Question 2. How to advice a fellow muslim who is not really religious?
I have a friend who is a Muslim, but considers Islam as oppressive. She is considerably liberalist in attitude and thinking. Also supports LGBTQ and adoption and such concepts which are not acceptable in Islam. How should I advice her to right path without being forceful and seemingly preachy?
Assalamu alaikum wa rahamatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
May Allah reward you for your intentions to support a sister who seems to be having some attitudes that could be dangerous to her Deen and perhaps others also. You are right to be concerned as even though at the moment, her attitudes may not be causing too much harm, in time and/or with further action this could lead to much distraction. You are also right to be aware of downpour approach toward her is important too. Whilst being forceful and preachy might sometimes be necessary, most of the time it can end up having the opposite effect and instead push people away. Such an approach may either push them to not listen at the very least, or otherwise completely rebel and do the complete opposite sometimes out of anger even. Either way, from here on, the other person would not be responsive to anything you have to say and surely would take your advice.
So, here lies the big challenge – to advise without being forceful. In such cases, you might begin small and work towards something bigger. Small in a way that she will respond in a small way to begin with which will eventually lead to bigger and more meaningful changes. Often the best way to do this is to firstly, not directly challenge the attitude and secondly to impact the attitude by getting to the root of it.
For example, in the case of your friend, grasp on to the fact that she is a Muslim so has a good understanding of Islam. Unfortunately, it would seem that she has been influenced by the media around her and her views have become distorted. In this case, you don’t necessarily need to advice her on her attitudes towards LGBTQ directly at this point, but instead be encouraging her more generally on the path of Islam so that she will make these discoveries herself and change her mind and actions of her own volition without feeling forced.
You might do something like taking up an Islamic course as a means to learn about and strengthen faith. This is something we all need to do anyway. We all have a journey to knowledge in Islam and it is our responsibility to encourage our brothers and sister to do the same. You might invite your friend to join for the company, support and accountability. As her knowledge of the Deen increases, her attitudes should follow in time also. It won’t be an overnight thing and the changes will be very subtle and even unnoticeable at first. This could be a general course, but if there is anything available that refers to anything that might be loosely related to the topics that she currently has distorted attitudes about without obviously targeting the specific matters in question here, then these might even be best.
If there are other sisters locally that you know have more correct attitudes towards these controversial topics then similarly you might get together in a larger group even and study together and invite her to be part of that. This comes with the added benefit and support of being influenced by others who have attitudes towards these topics that are more correct Islamically. Again, the point here is not to get everyone together to be in her neck about her attitudes, but to encourage the formation of a group that will encourage her on the right path by adopting alternative attitudes without directly addressing the topic of LGBTQ..etc.. but simply practicing Islam on a daily basis and studying Islam in a way that would naturally correct these attitudes. Being with others would help to encourage this further. This will also help keep her away from the things and people that might be reinforcing her current attitudes.
In sha Allah this would be enough to see positive changes in the right direction. You do need to understand that changes attitudes can take time so foes require much patience. If things progress in the wrong direction and she makes further moves directly in the wrong direction and perhaps even overtly does so to the point that it seems to be taking her away from Islam, then you may need to take firmer action and directly address the issue. Letting her know that you live and care for her as your friend and this is why you are advising her because you want the best for her. You want Allah to be pleased with her. Sometimes this can be enough to encourage people change. You might equip yourself with short lectures from scholars on the topic to support what you are saying and help influence her thoughts and attitudes.
May Allah reward you for supporting a sister away from harm and seeking tongued her aright. May He bless you in this life and the next. May He guide your friend to the truth and keep her firm on the correct path. May she see the beauty of the Deen and use Allah as her guide.
Question 3. Going home town in vacation
Me and my husband live in USA and go home for 25 days in a year. He stays with his parents. Don’t I have the right to stay with my parents. They always make issue and make
me stay there for 10-12 days out of those 25 days
Assalamu alaikum wa rahamatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
If I’m understanding correctly, you are implying that when you go back home, you spend about half the time with his parents and half elsewhere but he is not allowing you to stay with your own parents.
If this is correct, then this is definitely something that needs addressing. Islamically, it is of great importance to maintain family ties, especially with your parents. We owe them the utmost respect as those that gave so much to raise us. This goes for your own parents as much as his.
Living away from home, you must miss your parents dearly. Not only should you be maintaining family ties with them, but you probably have a genuine desire to spend that quality time with them when you can.
It is very important that you have a respectful discussion with your husband about this so that yours and your parents rights are maintained as much as his. I’d firstly ask you to consider if he is aware of how much this situation is bothering you? If you never spoke about it before, then perhaps he is completely naïve to it. Or, perhaps you have raised it, but didn’t make it clear how important it was to you. Do have a think about how it might be from his perspective and use this to shape the way you address it with him.
Alternatively, if it is that you have been clear with him about this and how you want to spend time with your family then a firmer approach needs to be taken. Given the importance of these rights from an Islamic perspective, you might firstly make him aware ofnthese rights, backed up with evidence. If this fails, intervention from a male family member on your side by way of further discussion on the matter may be helpful. Either that, or your local Imam or a person of knowledge who can put the same to him. If his own parents are also having the same issue, then the same also needs to be said to them. In sha Allah, if your husband is responsive to the above approach then he’d be the perfect placed to talk to them first.
Do also make sure that this discussion is held long in advance of your travel dates so that you can plan accordingly.
May Allah make it easy for you. May He soften the hearts of your husband and his family such that you will be able to spend quality time with your parents without further issues.
Question 4. Divorce, Marriage & Miracle
I have been tortured by my husband last 7 years and I have a kid. He used to hit me but I kept trying to save my marriage through honesty and dedication. I thought he will change gradually but It was not possible as he had very bad anger issue. I prayed, cried but I became sick & frustrated at a point. I felt like I will die anytime as it was unbearable pain.
It was very tough for me to maintain any physical relationship with him as I started hating him because of his bad behavior.
I used to cry and prayed tahajjud a lot.
All of a sudden I started feeling pain for some other guy who used to be my friend long time ago and I had a very formal relationship with him. On top of that I didn’t have any contact with him for a long period of time and I didn’t know his current situation at all. I was wondering why I am thinking about him so much which doesn’t make any sense to me.
I started praying more and I couldn’t sleep at night for longer period of time and felt something is pushing me at Tahajjud time to woke up and pray.
I asked Allah why this is happening to me and why I am feeling so much pain for my friend.
One night I saw a dream and it was so peaceful and indicated that my friend is my life partner. I was surprised and ask Allah again what was that? I was looking for answers.
After 2/3 days I saw the same dream again more clearly and it was very peaceful and I woke up by crying & saying Subhanallah as if I wanted to see more.
After that I saw more 3/4 dreams about him and the indication was same as he is my life partner and we are very happy. Still I was surprised how come it possible where I don’t have any contacts with him and he used be just my formal friend.
I thought to give him a call and when I called him I got to know he is starting his divorce process and very soon he is gonna file divorce as they were not having any good relationship throughout his marriage life.
I was shocked and surprised. And then I saw a dream about my husband and that was very negative. As if it was a guidance from Allah thats what I felt. I saw several negative dreams about my husband and finally came up a decision to file a divorce against him.
Still it was not easy. But I did. And I shared my situation with my friend but didn’t mention him about dreams I saw about him as he was just formal friend of mine. He was shocked to know about me and my marriage life and the next day he called me and told me he was in sijdah in fajar, praying Allah to decrease my pain and he slept of in salah. He saw a dream about me as life partner and it was very peaceful as well. He shared that with me and again I became surprised and shocked. What is this. We became surprised for a long time and trying to understand and realize may be it Allah’s guidance towards us.
When he finally realized and started his divorce process all of a sudden his wife mind has been changed and she started crying and wanted to work on the marriage. She asked him another chance and his heart melted for his wife. Then he decided to give her a chance and work on his marriage. It was another shocking moment for me. What is this actually.
After that I have seen several dreams about him as a life partner and he saw similar as well. In addition I saw dreams about very good bonding with his families as well.
He saw the same about me.
But he is unable to divorce his wife as his wife is trying her best right now to work on the marriage. As per him, he has deep feelings for me but he can’t left his wife alone.
In this situation I am in pain as Allah has created this emotion within me about him. Whenever I start Salah my heart melt for him and I ask dua for him. But I don’t know is it a good thing to ask him as a life partner to Allah while he is already married to another woman.
I am very confused and the miracle happened in my life. I am in deep pain as I have feelings for him and I don’t know what is the solution. On top of that we don’t have any regular contact as he is not divorced yet and its not ethical to do so.
Please suggest me what should I ask Allah in this situation and if possible please explain me the dream we saw.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
There a couple of things going on here. The first being the behavior of your husband and second being your feelings towards this other man.
Regarding your husband, this is very clear. He is being physically abusive towards you. This is not OK at all. He has anger issues which seems to be resulting in him hurting you. As much as you want to save your marriage, sticking around whilst he is treating you like this lets him know that his behaviour is OK and acceptable and he will not stop. It is for you to decide what to do with this in the long term, but I have to advise you to take some space from him whilst he is behaving this way for your own safety. Take some time to spend with your family to give you a break from him and space to reflect on your situation. This includes how t manage the situation with your husband, but also about how to manage your feelings towards this other man.
I am not in any way qualified to interpret dreams, but what I do understand from an Islamic perspective is that dreams either come from Shaytan, Allah, or are just completely random from you subconscious often somehow related to random thoughts in the day. There is necessarily any way to tell from which dreams came. However, if you can find someone who is qualified to do so, then this is something you might consider.
However, despite not being able to be 100% sure where the dream came from, it is not so surprising that you are dreaming about someone that you are thinking about so much and fondly so also. When things are in such a terrible place with your husband, it is not surprising that you can have such pleasant feelings towards another man. At the same time, Alhamdulilah, you are aware that it is also not possible to pursue anything further with him at this time as you are both married other people and it would be sinful to do anything further, including talking to him. With this in mind and with the fear of Allah, you must make sure to refrain from contact with him especially as it will only reinforce any feelings you have towards him and potentially open the doors to sin.
Before you think any further about this other man, it is more important that you sort the situation with your husband and decide what you will do – whether you will seek counselling to try and make it work or seek a divorce, whether you will give it 1 month or 6 months or more. Either way, contact with and thinking about this other man will obviously influence your actions moving forward.
Once you have established what you will do with your marriage, then you can start thinking about your future and possibly getting married again, but until then, please do focus on 1 thing at a time so that you don’t fall into sin.
May Allah guide you to what is best for you and most pleasing to Him. May He bring you happiness and contentment in your relationships that will satisfy you in both this life and the next.
Saturday, Feb. 10, 2024 | 18:00 - 19:00 GMT
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.