Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

It sounds like a very complicated scenario that you have ended up in.  However, as complicated as it may seem, the solution is very simple and very clear in Islam. Unfortunately, the difficulties you have experienced have been a result of having relationships with members of the opposite sex. Whether these relationships are romantic or not, mixing with people like these will inevitably lead to the types of emotions that result in confusing relationships that blur the boundaries between what is friendship and what is more. It is clear that you are now concerned about how this will impact on marriage in the future and may well leave you to feel guilty in one way or another.

Whilst you can’t rewind and change what has happened or undo any damage that has been done, you can learn from what has happened to improve your current situation and make changes for a more relaxed and content future.  Having seen the damage that having relationships with members of the opposite sex has had on you, hopefully, this will serve as a deterrent to have such relations in the future to avoid going through all this pain all over again. Avoid close relationships with males, even if it is only via the phone. It may seem quite innocent at the time, especially if the conversion seems quite appropriate and natural, but Shaytaan can easily twist this and take it in directions that will only lead to complications and heartbreak.

To assist yourself in achieving this and moving on from what has happened to continue to repent to Allah with sincerity this will keep Allah close and with Him in mind will help you to avoid such situations that may lead to the same again. You can strengthen this by engaging in other activities that bring you closer to Allah, such as fasting, reading Qur’an, taking Islamic studies course or reading materials. Getting closer to Him will heighten your fear of Him which will also have to serve to prevent your things that are haram.

Furthermore, don’t allow yourself to be alone with other males, even on the phone. Instead, focus on developing friendships with other sisters so that you can get the comfort and social support you seek still, but from better and more helpful alternatives that are more pleasing In the sight of Allah. Having these emotional needs met by fellow sister will give you less of a desire to seek such things from males.

You can also achieve this by keeping busy in things that you enjoy doing, for example, a sport or hobby. This could be something you do alone, or even better, with other sisters who will be good company as well as being able to keep you motivated. This will provide you with the opportunity to have your needs for comfort and companionship met in a way that is acceptable. Having these needs met will stop you looking for it in other less acceptable ways.

If you are in a position to get married right now, then this is the best way to have your desire for a male companion achieved. This way you can have conversations with a male, but in a way that is acceptable and appropriate as well as not being sinful. Having this need met will also prevent you from speaking to other males too as it is no longer necessary.

May Allah guide you on the straight path and grant you a righteous spouse when the time is right for you.