Q:

Assalamualaikum ,

Alhamdulillah I came across your YouTube videos regarding the martial issues. I need your help. I would truly appreciate if you could please give me your valuable time in listening to my current situation with my husband.

I got married in 2010, I met my husband online we spoke for 6months later I convinced him in marrying me because at that time my parents were trying to get me married so I thought I already knew my husband and it would be a good idea. It took a while for me to convince my parents since he lived in Pakistan and I was in Canada. After a long struggle we finally got married. I always noticed this disconnection with my husband no matter how hard I try to be closer to him he was very distant. After our Nikhah I stayed in Pakistan for 3 months. My husband always ignored me and use to spend most of his time on the computer or out with his friends. His family treated me well and his mom use to notice his behavior with me. When I confronted him he would compare me to his sister in law. Saying things like I was demanding a lot. Since I loved my husband I tolerated and looked over the bad treatment . I gave him time and space so he could get to know me . Just to give you a background his father passed away when he was only 14years of age . His mother worked and got busy earning for the family while the elder daughter took care of the young siblings including my husband. After he arrived to Canada. His behavior with me was even worse he would snap on me randomly. His lieing had increased. Whenever I called him from work he told me he was busy and I should speak to him when I return home. When I was home he would spend all his time on the computer. He only came closer to me for full filling his needs and desires. There was no communication whatsoever whenever I forced the conversation it was like talking to a wall. Often time I would go to my parents house but my husband never called me or insisted on coming back. At the time of my pregnancy I always felt alone I made notice of the situation to his elder sister. Nothing helped. Now I started seeing him talking to girls online. He told me to mind my own business. After giving birth to my son. I stayed alone in the hospital. Later I was excited to return home but my husband made sure I stay at my mom’s house for sometime. After I week I forced myself and asked my husband to bring me and new born home. He was still hesitant. After my return I found a lot if inappropriate movies on his laptop I confronted him that this was the reason why you didn’t want me coming back. I have spend 10years of my life living with him like this I have gotten families involved. He made me look like a lair in front of everyone. He told everyone I am not a good mother.  He only spoke to me asking about food or for filling his desire. I have had several panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I started making myself a practicing Muslim to escape such thoughts. To make this story short I will mention the major events where he was never there for me.

• Last days of my pregnancy he fought with me so ended up at my parents and went tobthw hospital from there.

• At the time when my dad had cancer he was going through 6 hrs surgery, my husband had no concern or even try to find out about my father’s condition.

• Recently there was a hail storm in our city my husband was home. He was making the storm video yet I was running to save my son and calling his name. Our house windows glass broke.

Now we live separately in the same house I am still bothered by the entire situation. My husband lives in the basement and has his computer there because he works fro. Home because of lockdown. He stays up entire night being his computer sleeps until 2pm starts works from home at 3pm. I am bothered by such routine of his because my son waits to spend time with him. He only provides for me and has never restricted to buy anything

Please guide me JazakhAllah khairan for taking your time in reading my long email.

A:

You are advised to consult the counselor on this site.

Having said this, I wish to add:

I empathize with your situation; if what you allege your husband is true, he is definitely abusing you. Unless he changes his behavior and treats you compassionately and honorably, he exposes himself to Allah’s wrath; he should remember that he cannot get away from Allah’s judgment.

If he continues this abusive behavior, Islam allows you to seek a divorce from him. That is the last resort to end an abusive relationship.

You should turn to Allah through dhikr and prayer; He will bring peace to your heart and guide you to choose the best course of action.

I pray to Allah to grant you relief and help you find an amicable solution.

Almighty Allah knows best.