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Ask the Marriage Counselor (Audio Q/A)

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session. We are working on the answers and soon upload them, in sha Allah.

Thank you for your patience.

Question 1. My Parents Withdrew Their Approval

I’m engaged for 6 years. Six months ago, I made a terrible mistake by cheating on my fiancée with my cousin. She found out, and things took a turn for the worse. Her parents and mine were initially ready for the wedding, but she couldn’t trust me anymore for 4 months. She reacted with anger, frustration, and hurtful words. She refused to marry me. I opened up to my parents about the situation, and now they don’t want me to marry her. However, my fiancée is now willing to forgive me and marry me, and her parents support this decision. She’s even planning to go for Umrah after our Nikkah. I’ve tried to convince my parents that I can’t imagine my life without her and that I’ll be a good Muslim and a husband so does she but they remain unconvinced. I had open honest conversation with them but they are not considering. They have said do whatever you want but they’ll never accept this decision. From the beginning itself they were not ready because I belong to different community but We both live in the same city. I asked forgiveness for hurting them. I’ve always wanted to marry her soon, because of financial challenges, my father continually postponed my wedding as he is worried about the post-wedding finances. However, I am confident in my ability to handle everything for her, I’ve a job. Two years ago, I was prepared, but my father wasn’t, and now I want to marry my fiancée. We share a deep love for each other, and I am committed to remaining faithful. I’ve repented for my grave sins. How can I persuade my family to support this, or should I consider a nikkah without my parents but informing them? I can’t let her go and so does she. Will this be wrong? Please guide Me


Question 2. Wife Fears Black Magic & Refuses to Come Back

Before we got into nikah, I told my wife about danger of sihr in my place where I live. We were tested with sihr of divorce, she went to her country after that and now refusing to come back because she is afraid of harm which maybe could happen because of sihr. I burned that sihr which came in my house, reciting ruqya almost every day, playing surah Al-Baqarah and spraying the house and yard with ruqya water for over one month. Since she decided to keep herself separated, we are quarrelling oftentimes. I am trying to convince her to come back into obedience but she is not accepting my request. Even her two sons are afraid of harm of sihr on their family therefore they don’t want me to come there, nor that want to let their mother to travel back home. I mentioned that sihr is destroyed and a lot of treatments to remove its affect is done on a daily basis, I don’t have any symptoms, but they just have that unnatural fear of possible harm. What I must do? Jazakomullahu Khairan

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Question 3. Struggling with Finding My Husband Attractive

I got married at 21. When I first saw him, I didn’t find him attractive. But I wanted security and loyalty. And his character was amazing. His faith strong. Personality wise I got beyond what I prayed for. He is 10/10. But I am not physically attracted to him. I am very depended on him.

So, this year I am trying to be independent from getting my license, to getting job to being more responsible in case if I do get separated, I can take care of myself without having to go back to my parents. But I am hopeless and anxious every day. I don’t know if I have the capability to walk out. Because I fear that the next guy I am with, what if he is horrible even if he is attractive?

I always thought love and attraction grows over time. I will see I used to find him ugly but now I find him alright /good but I

My life is so much better than before. He is very supportive. But I am so unhappy over this. All my life I looked forward to getting married and of course staying chaste so that finally I could be intimate with the one I marry. And all my dreams are shattered. Well not all. Because like I said I love his work ethic, his strength and personality and how he treats me. But I just feel so dead inside with the lack of feeling for him. When he tries to kiss me I get bored. When he talks I get annoyed (He has thick accent and broken English). I grew up in NYC and I always thought the guy I marry would have a voice I would fall in love with. I am just so depressed. This is a shallow vanity problem. But it is a problem nonetheless. I know he would be so much happier with someone else. I just need some strength to go for divorce. I am so scared to live alone. Also, I am so scared whether it is the right decision or not. Because 5 years later I am still on the same boat. Will I spend my youth in this marriage and leave years later? Or if I should leave now?


Question 4. Want to Marry a Married Man

I want to marry a man who is already married and has a 5-year-old child but his wife and child doesn’t live with him since last 4 years.
We both like each other and want to get married but my father disagree with it telling hat he is already married and you are still unmarried and can’t marry someone who is already married.
I am really stressed about what should I do
Should I keep my parents word or should I convince them to marry him?


Question 5. Violent Husband Hurts My Son

I reverted to Islam one year ago, Alhamdulillah, and I’m married to a Muslim man for a bit over a year.
I am now 20 weeks pregnant with a baby girl but I feel so insecure and afraid being in this marriage. He is an amazing man, but loses his temper so quick and gets aggressive mostly towards my 7-year-old son who is such a blessing. He started voluntary following Islam even before I reverted, he started praying 5 times a day. He is now going to the Masjid every weekend and has already learned so much Arabic and Quran, Subhana Allah.

I gave my husband total freedom to raise him as his father left when he was one year old. He is very loving towards him and I see my son very happy. The problem is that my husband gets very aggressive very quickly towards him and punishes him very harshly physically for no reason. I believe this is totally against Islam and the teaching of the Prophet, peace be upon him. I’ve talked with my husband many times about this issue (which makes him very angry because he likes to do things is way and nobody should tell him anything because he knows better) and I made so much Dua which seemed to help a bit.
But from time to time, he hurts him not only physically but he also insults him. This breaks my heart.
Two days ago, it happened again, he got so aggressive and was hurting him for invalid reasons. I got in between to prevent more harm to happen. My son corrected him very innocently and with no bad intention, but got punished so badly for it.
I don’t usually get in between when he punishes him, because he gets even more angrier with him and with me too. But I believe this is not allowed in Islam and I should stand up against injustice.
Because of doing this he ignores my son and me and is very angry.
I have nobody to ask for advice and I’m afraid to continue in this marriage as my son’s father was abusive too.

He promised me so many times to change this aspect but he has anger issues.

I finally thought to have found my partner for life with whom to create a beautiful family. But divorce is crossing my mind a lot, I know this is very much disliked by Allah Subhanu Watallah. And also, I don’t have anything, nowhere to go, no job (when we got married his condition was for me to quit my business). I left my whole life behind. I can also not go to the Masjid for help because he doesn’t allow me to go close because he says that the people there are not my level, I feel so bad when he says that because I think nobody is above or better than someone, I always remind that everybody is the creation of our Lord.

I don’t know what Islamically is the right thing to do. Is the correct thing to leave this marriage while I don’t have anywhere to go nor any money to support my son and Insha Allah my soon to come daughter or should I stay and pray that one day he stops being abusive.

I know that Allah Subhanu Watallah has my back, but I’m so afraid what is to come. I really don’t want to become a single mom again because I know how important it is for my kids to have both figures in their life, father and mother. But I also think they are a gift from Allah Subhanu Watallah and I should protect them from harm and his aggressiveness.

Please guide me, I’m desperate and have nobody to talk to. Thank you so much and may Allah Subhanu Watallah bless you so much.


Question 6. Father Threatens Me Not to Marry Him

I presented a man to my father whom I would like to marry. He is a righteous man with good character and with qualities that I want in a partner. My father is a very traditional person who has been controlling and psychologically abusive towards me and the rest of my family all my life, which is why I am in psychological counseling. My father had initially rejected the proposal because he did not know this person and his family, that is, because he is not part of our family and circle of acquaintances. After I tried several times to convince my father, he humiliated and insulted me verbally, said I was possessed by Sheitan and that I was to blame for all the problems. Then my father promised me to meet the man and his family again with an open heart. On the day of the meeting, my father said that he was only there to give the other family a refusal, which was not in accordance with his promise. After my comment, my father insulted me again and threatened to have me murdered if I sullied his honor by wanting to marry this man. He even threatened that he would have harm done to the man if I kept in contact with him. My mother and brother were present but said nothing strongly against these threats and rather encouraged my father in what he said.

Now I am even more afraid of my father and feel trapped under his control.

I still want to marry this man because I am sure he will be good to me and because I am afraid that otherwise my father might force me to marry someone he has chosen.  Can I still go to an Imam and get married because my father lost his Wali right? And should I be afraid of my father that he might then do something to me and would have to break off contact?


Question 7. Marrying a Married Man?

I have met a married man, who has asked me to marry him. I myself am divorced with 2 girls we are a great match, but I am worried because culturally it’s not acceptable. 


Qustion 8.
Hijab and My Mother-in-Law

I have a huge complex between me and my mother in-law.

I’m a Muslima started wearing the hijab at 14, whilst not knowing anything, even didn’t know how to read Quran, pray etc. I didn’t want to wear the hijab because here they didn’t accept you in school or at a workplace (10 years ago). I wanted to finish high school, and wear it then.

This year happened the big earthquake in Türkiye, and I realized the wrath, and try to be a better Muslim. Trying to not lie, to not gossip, to not do haram. Trying to remember Allah and the prophet ﷺ, living to the hadith and the Quran. Trying to pray 5times, at first, I did the sunnah and fard, now I just pray the fard, that makes me uncomfortable because I want to but can’t.

Now real issue is, in our culture, even if you wear hijab, in weddings you take it off, have body-tight-showing dresses with hair made and face full of makeup. I never liked it but I just did it. With 16 I got engaged and with 19 I married. In my wedding I wanted to be a hijabi, that means “forever hijabi (even in the weddings)”.

I was one of the best dancers, and everyone liked my dresses and my family and husband, and my husband was like, could you not wear just few years, because my mother really wanted to show off with you. And I promised only 5 years. But when the time came my husband, did not stand up for me, and I continued. Then I had a fight with my mother-in-law and husband, and we agreed on the festival of my son getting the Islamic Cut on his intimate, then thereafter I will wear hijab.

Allah has not granted this festival; the cut was made but the festival was cancelled. I didn’t even want it at first, and thought maybe Allah is showing that even if you try to give yourself a time being a “off-hijabi” and then being a hijabi, you just have to follow the right way.

This year will be our 10th year, and I told my in-law, that I will not wear those garments that are showing the body nor will I go without hijab. She, subhanallah, is so obsessed about the culture, that she even threatened about not going to my parents.

What should I think about it, I don’t know. I even said harshly that if it would be like that, she should search for a new wife, for her son. I have two kids and I’m really happy with my husband. He agreed that he will not take side, but first think he did was siding with my mother-in-law.

I also am little bit sick because I’m biting the whole night and while dawn, my teeth and have pain in my whole chin, all over my back. I’m also not a good mother maybe wife, a child a sibling, but I try to change with the way of Islam. I’m not trying to harm myself, subhanallah but I need advice.

May Allah bless you, whilst reading till here and maybe feeling my pain. Please make dua, and don’t think bad of my people.


Monday, Nov. 06, 2023 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

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