Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find the questions to which our counselor provided answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. Parents Want Engagement Not Nikkah

Assalam Aleikum, I recently met someone and we decided to get married and talked to our parents and they agreed. But they want us to get engaged but me and him we want to get nikkah filed so that whenever we meet, we won’t engage in sin or do something that’ll displease Allah. Can we get nikkah done secretly? Because we tried to convince our parents for nikkah they don’t agree to it because they think it’s too early and engagement is safe option.

Answer:

Question 2. My Family Doesn’t Help with the Marriage Search

Asalamu Alaykum,

I am a 22-year-old Muslimah wanting to get married In Shaa Allah. I have already informed my family members. And at first my brother told me he would look for me. My father also later told me he would look to find a suitable partner for me. A few months later my brother said that he will not look for a husband for me because he is not my wali (my dad is). And he said something about not wanting to be in the middle of it, so knowing my future husband well and me his sister…

But the problem is my dad lives in another European country and also don’t want to look for a husband for me because it is seen as shameful in our culture. I feel very sad, because I am a pretty shy and reserved person. I see most of my friends once every two months. I am mostly home, and if I am not, I am at school or my part time job. I don’t think I will find someone I am just too awkward.

Are my father and brother allowed to do this? Or is this an injustice toward me? I really need advice! I have been feeling so awful about this lately. I just feel like everyone thinks I will make an awful wife.

Jazakullahu Khair

Answer:

Question 3. I Want to Do It in a Halal Way

Assalamu Alaikum, I’m 24 years old University student. I’m Muslim. Unfortunately, I’m in haram relationship. My parents & girlfriend don’t want marriage right now. And people know about our relationship. I want to stay halal & also away from this public negative comments. What should I do now? I feel helpless, I’m doing haram. I dreamed tonight & it’s was a bad dream. I saw that I died & punished. After that I woke up & was feeling scared. I’m in serious trouble, please suggest me what should I do now.

Answer:

Question 4. My Love for My Husband Is Gone

Asalam alaikum. I’ve been married for 12 years and have 3 children.  We married young when I was 18 and he was 22.

Sadly, my love for my husband is gone. I can pretend and try to look like I care for him but in the end, he always feels something is off. I feel very guilty about it as I know it will be regarded as a sin but at the same time, I always try to make it work because of children and also financial situation.

I know I neglect my husband a lot because of my resentment towards him and don’t know what to do or how to help it.  I feel guilty being like this and also always thinking how much I sin and how much it angers Allah.

Sadly, at this point I feel if I have chance for different husband or financial stability I would not think twice and leave and I also feel guilty thinking like this while my husband is doing things for me and my children. I don’t want to be unjust to him because he deserves appreciation and love too.

How can I force myself to love someone and care for them and deep inside dream about different life without my husband?  Even If I would like to try to become financially independent, he will think I’m going to leave him and wouldn’t allow me to work.

Please suggest is this best option for me to live with a man that doesn’t attract me physically and in other ways. All I see him and take him because of financial support he provides. Doesn’t that make me a user who uses him only for finance? I’m concerned about being sinful in this marriage by not giving emotional and physical support to my husband. He is also not happy, always worried about me leaving him and asking me over and over again if I’m happy with him and love him and it is harder for me to say lies that I love him.

I hope for your answer and guidance on what are my options. I’m worried only because I don’t want to be sinful in the eyes of Allah and be unjust to this human being who I need to be the best to in Islam to succeed, in this world and next.

Answer:

Question 5.  New Muslim Getting Married – Any Advice?

Asalamu Alaykum. Being the first woman to convert into Islam (in my family) and want to get marry, I can’t bring myself to ask my non-Muslim parents or the people around me if there’s any good potential spouse, knowing they dislike (even hate) the idea that I’m a Muslim. Is there any halal way that I can start searching for a potential spouse? I see that there’s many Muslim app that claim to helps with Nikkah, but a part of me is afraid that it’s just Shaytaan’s trap to get a man and a woman to be alone. I want to show my family the beauty of Islam and I want my marriage to be among one of those that pleased Allah, but how can I start doing so? In what other way, (other than asking for my parents’ help), could I take a step forward in finding myself a spouse and have Allah’s blessing in my marriage?

Answer:

Question 6. Unhappy Marriage: What Should I Do?

Assalamu alaikum sister.

I have been married for almost thirty years now.

My husband was brought up in a rural village. Whereas I was raised in a more developed town in another country. Ours was an arranged marriage. We are both from the same ethnicity. We have two adult children.

There have been lots of problems in our marriage. We are constantly quarrelling with each other over many issues. After every fight, he never fails to ridicule me and my parents for whatever negative incidents in his life. I am now residing in my native country while he is presently running his provision shop in a foreign city.

Lately, he has not been sending any money for my expenses. It has been four years since he last sent anything substantial. I know for a fact that he is constructing his dream home and uses that as an excuse to not send enough money for my expenses despite being fully capable of doing so.

In addition, he says that because I come from a wealthy family, he assumes that my parents would take care of my daily needs while he is busy building his house and meeting his other requirements through his business earnings.

I find this totally unfair and have completely cut off communications with him. The main reasons are due to his constant verbal and emotional abuse, not to mention his refusal to send enough money for my essential needs.

Sometimes I feel like I need to separate from him permanently, because I just had enough of his irritating behavior. Please advise me. Should I stay or leave him?

Answer:

Question 7. During My Pregnancy He Took a Second Wife

Salam alekom!

Recently my husband told me he will get married to a lady from his work. When I asked him when he decided this, he said 4 months ago but he didn’t want me to know because I still have been pregnant. He saying that nothing between as will change, that I’m the most important. That he married her to help her out. I’m so in pain I don’t know if to believe in his words or not that nothing going to change. He expects me to accept it easily but I can’t. What to do?

Answer:

Question 8. What does it mean?

What does it mean to marry someone to pleased Allah? I heard other Muslim said we should only marry to please Allah. Does that mean to marry someone and to REALLY be mindful of Allah? Or does it hold a more significant meaning? Does it just mean to marry someone with the purposed of pleased Allah? Am I missing something?

Answer:

Salam alaikom dear sister,

Thank you for your question.

Marrying someone to please Allah is similar to marrying with taqwa. What does this mean? It means being mindful of Allah when we consider our proposals. To have the pure intention of finding someone who helps us get closer to Allah, prior to any worldly interests. Therefore, you look for characteristics of a good and pious Muslim with good manners, righteousness, and adherence to the deen.

And you enter with the attitude of loving your spouse for the sake of Allah. What does this mean?

Read more here: Making Allah the Heart of Our Marriage

For more info: The Spiritual Marriage: Love for the Sake of Allah

I hope this helps. May Allah bless you, ameen

Best regards,

Counseling editor

Question 9. Rights of Husband

The rights of a woman is to provide for them all their basic need. What are the rights of a man?

Answer:

Salam alaikom,

Thank you for your question. Please find detailed info about the rights of the spouses in Islam.

4 Rights for the Husband in Islam

A Wife’s Six Rights in Islam