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Marriage Counseling on Wife & Husband Relationships

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor provided answers.

If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. Husband Is Looking at Other Women

I live in United states with my husband. He prays 5 times a day goes to mosque for Fajar and Isha but he has a serious problem of watching women, especially white women. Whenever we go out, I always notice him watching women. I have confronted him twice in 2 years of our marriage. When confronted he said his intention is not bad or something he just want to watch the world around him but he will try to stop but he did not. It has really affected me mentally. We do not have children yet due to some issues. I have gotten insecure and feel so bad that I no longer want to even go shopping with him cz I know what he will be doing. I really want some guidance on what to do.

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Question 2. Can’t Enjoy This Life, If I Think of Akhira

I can’t enjoy any part of my life. I always fear the afterlife and feel down about it. I’m always thinking well everything’s going to come to an end so what’s the point.

I also feel down because of how difficult my life and women’s lives are in general compared to men’s. Also getting older and eventually losing my parents. I can’t accept most of the things that will most likely happen.

I just feel like life is hard and it’s going to get tougher and more terrifying in the afterlife. The journey to Jannah (insha Allah) when Imams talk about it, is terrifying.

I can’t get this stuff out of my head. I feel so miserable. What do I do?


Question 3. Can I Marry Her Despite Her Grandparents’ Past?

There is a girl I saw and was impressed by the good upbringing she got from her parents, she is so modest in all of her dealings, she is a student of knowledge both western and Islamic, she is a girl of good character and manners likewise her father and mother are people of good character.
But the problem is upon investigation we found that her paternal grandmother got married to her paternal grandfather without her parents’ consent some’s are even alleging that her grandmother got birth to her father outside matrimonial home.
My point of concern here is that is it possible for my future children to take after some negative characters from there great grandparents and is the enough excuse to call off a marriage proposal and is the Islamic perspective on this, because my parents are thinks to stop me from marrying this particular lady.


Question 4. It Hurts That He Has Female Friends

Salam. My husband and I are always arguing and fighting regarding this issue, whenever we go out and he meets a girl he knows he goes and greet them or talks to them. I’ve always told him times without number that I don’t like it and it really hurts me whenever he does that. But he always says that’s the type of person he is and he can’t cut them off just because he’s married. I’ve told him to put himself in my shoes but it doesn’t change anything. What should I do please?


Question 5. Parents Don’t Let Me to Be His Second Wife

I dated a man for 3 months. He was everything I wanted. So loving, caring and kind. Our love for each other was real and genuine. But later I ended the relationship with him because I knew it was haram. I told him to directly marry me, but that would be waiting for 2 more years because I have an elder sister and she needs to get married first and it’ll take time. But due to the break up we suffered miscommunication and ended everything. He was not like the other guys. He was serious and had spoken to my mother as well. But it was my fault that things came to an end. He was going through a crisis and I was acting like a child and tortured him mentally. That’s why things came to an end.
Later after 2 weeks I found out that he got married. I cried and cried. I was in despair and regret that I let go of the love of my life due to my own foolishness. I became Namazi. I turned back to Allah and cried to him every time. But again, like an immature child I used to send him messages on asking him as to why he decided to leave me and got married. I was so heartbroken that I couldn’t respect any boundaries. I used to abuse him and curse him for doing this to me.
Then after 2 months of his marriage he responded to all that. He said he didn’t know that I loved him so much or else he would’ve married me because he really loved me deeply. Listening to that I cried a lot.
But I knew it’s wrong to even speak to him now. So, I kept pushing him away but I couldn’t stick to my decision. At the end I kept going back to him. He said if my family wills he will make me his second wife. After a lot of thought I came to the resolve that I want to get married to him. But my family won’t allow it. I’ve been brought up in a very loving and privileged family. I don’t want to break my parent’s heart and ruin their respect.
So I don’t know what to do.
As of now I’m his girlfriend. We try to stay apart because it’s haram but we just can’t control it. We’re in a lot pain and misery and it won’t work out if we’re not in touch. Can I do nikah with him without telling my parents and when the right time comes shall I tell them?
But what will happen if me if they refuse to accept our marriage?
I’m in a lot of confusion. The right and wrong has been blurred.

Please help me.
What do I do?
What is the right decision?


Question 6. Blackmailing Ruins My Life

Assalam-o-alikum, I am 26 y/o and I want to marry a boy whom I know 7 years back he was my university fellow we were committed from start to get married. I told my older sister and she said she will help me when time came. I told my mom that I like him and want to marry him, my mom started treating me that I should give up on him and get married to a guy of my own caste because my brothers and father will not allow me to get married in another caste. And she was right they are abusive toward us. then I left with no choice and married to him at my own without telling anyone. I told my mom about that and she asked me to get divorce otherwise she would suicide within a week. I request her and try to stop her and at the end I convinced her that I will get divorced within a week which I can’t do because my husband say the same thing as my mom. He is a good boy he is studying right now and doing part time jobs what should I do now ? I want to run away without telling anyone or die.


Question 7. My Phobia of Getting Pregnant

I got married 2.7 yrs ago, we don’t have a child yet, I had two miscarriages earlier. Now my husband is planning for a child again, he started doing R & D on when can a women get pregnant, best time to keep relation, fertile period, etc., asking me questions about my cycle. I can understand his situation but this is pressurizing me, I am developing anxiety and fear. Apart from this as soon as I got married, I developed the fear of getting pregnant (fear of delivery) I can’t share this with my husband. And this fear increased when I had both the miscarriages, in 1st one we had a huge fight he left me at my mother’s place blaming me for the miscarriage. We were about to get separate. In the 2nd one, I started bleeding 1 day after my pregnancy got confirmed, doctor prescribed me for bed rest as I already had one miscarriage, despite the doctor’s saying, my in laws & husband didn’t let me rest & kept telling me to work & giving extra household chores to do, which lead to partial abortion. Thought I was staying with my husband an in laws I was on bed none of them looked after me, was starving… no food no water was given to me as I was bleeding heavy and was on bed whole day and night & couldn’t get off my bed, my husband left for work saying her mother will look after me but she didn’t even come to check on me in my room. My husband keeps telling me he is very desperate for kids but whenever I get pregnant, he doesn’t show interest or look after me. Which makes me more scared and I started developing hate towards him because of this behavior. Please guide me how can dissolve this fear of mine and how to tackle it.


Question 8. One Sided Love – Should I Wait More?

I’m 24 years old and my parents are seeking for a groom for the past two years. I always ask dua that the only person to visit me should be my husband. Alhamdulillah there’s no one who came to see me in person rather got rejected by my parents or who rejected me after my details are shared. I’m very short which is considered as a main reason to get rejected. I had a hidden feelings on one of my office colleagues. I didn’t care about it much since I don’t know him personally. When I was called certain days to work from office, I got the chance to see him. I don’t even make an eye contact since I’m too shy but my feelings on him still stayed and increased further as well. I wanted to know whether he is not in any relationship in order to ask dua. So did not have any other means rather than opening a social media account (w and sending a request. He never accepted it. So, I messaged him and eventually told that the purpose of creating a profile. He told me that he is single and not interested in any relationship for the foreseeable future. He was not at all interested to know who I am which made me so curious. I tried to wish him on his bday, tell all the best but he would just reply with thank you or react with thumbs up. He once mentioned that he has responsibilities and he couldn’t deter from it for a person whom he doesn’t know. I didn’t agree to reveal my identity either. From the ad hoc conversation I had with him, I realize that he is matured, responsible individual with a farsighted thinking. Now I love him even more and badly wanna tell him. (I didn’t even use the word love when texting him as I’ve never told that word to a guy). But just like I mentioned I’m too short and he is too tall. I feel like he will never want to marry a girl like me. I can’t tell this to my parents either without knowing what he feels. I don’t wish to get proposals either as my love on him increased further. He encouraged me to be straightforward and reveal who I am or move on without texting him again. What do I do now? I prayed isthikharah these days and thought of telling this to my elder sister, but didn’t get confidence yet. I only ask dua from Allah to bless me with the guy I like or make me forget him forever. I’m confused.


Monday, Sep. 04, 2023 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
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