Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thanks for participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor provided audio answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. Abusive husband

Assalamualaikum 

I have been married to my husband for 17 years. We have 3 boys with a special needs child. He is being abusive since the beginning in the middle time was tolerable but recently he lost all his business house everything we are on the street now he is blaming me hitting me for everything I say. he also misbehaving with my parents & kids, as a Muslim wife what I supposed to do please help me!

Question 2. Having a baby

I want to have a baby and have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. My husband believes we should delay trying to conceive until I have at least done 3 months of treatment or until he sees an improvement in me. I trust in Allah that he will help me with this and I do have plans/treatments to improve my mental health in place currently and will be starting them this month however I do not want to wait another 3 months. Does my husband have the right to refuse me a baby due to his reasoning of waiting until my mental health improves? 

ANSWER

Question 3. Hindu Convert

Hello, thank you for this platform and the opportunity to seek guidance. The guy I was seeing and am in love with. He  was Hindu he then accepted Islam and ended things with us due to my religion (I am also born Hindu). I respect his religious path and his new desire for a relationship centered in Islam. He does not feel it right to ask me to convert for him even though I am open in my heart to do so. We are no longer together or in contact but I have spent the last two months learning about Islam, reading the Quran and praying in my heart to Allah to understand this journey. What guidance can you provide someone like me in this position? I deeply respect both religions and understand the conflict of doing so, but I feel there is a lesson or purpose in this. 

ANSWER

Question 4. Engagement

Assalamwalikum I just feel like I should break the engagement because I don’t think I’m right for him and he is right for me. It’s been 3 months since our engagement but I’m not feeling good having panic attacks, fear and all. I don’t think he is good for me though it is an arranged marriage. My parents are pressuring me to do nikah but I’m not ready to marry him as I’m already depressed due to some family matters and I don’t think I can do..What should I do??

I have grown up in middle class family Its been 4 years my sister have done intercaste marriage so my parents and i don’t talk to her at that time i was teenage girl my family members our relatives beat her with belt and all i was scared i can’t forget that time I can’t sleep at night and now my parents force me to do engagement with the guy his sister also have done intercaste marriage but they have accepted her. I don’t want to go into the same environment again. I’m feeling depressed. I want to end the engagement but my parents are emotionally blackmailing me. I don’t know what I should do and my parents are not thinking of me and understanding my situation!!!

ANSWER

Question 5. Molestation

Me & my cousin were in a relationship for almost 2 years, his side of the family knows about us together….I told my parents about us now when we are not together requesting them to convince him. But they have said NO to this guy and mine relationship.

We were happy and doing well together, we were able to find solutions for every problem even if we argued. One day, I told him about me getting sexually molested as a kid by someone who worked under my father. He told me it’s not my fault, I am a victim and he cried for me. He was in so much pain that he left for his home next morning to confide in his parents but didn’t tell anyone what happened. 

When he returned back from his home, he told me that a girl, our distant relative, texted him and was asking about his well-being. He told me, he didn’t reply but went to her first thing after seeing me. A few days later, he told me that he loves her and wants to do nothing with me. When I asked the reason he told me, she has no past trauma, no male interactions even for work, nothing. You can never be like her. If I stay with you and get married to you, everyone will say that Look he is the husband of SUCH kind of women. He tells me I am the cause of every sin in his life. I am not pure & pious & everyone wants the best & compatible partner for them. 

He used to tell me, we are together because he prayed for me in Tahajjud. Now he prays to Allah to never see me in this lifetime.

While I always pray for him to become a man who follows the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), and how much he loved Khadijah.

ANSWER

Question 6. Should I marry a guy with a sinful past

Assalamalaikum. I turn to this forum every time I’m in despair. I’m a 34yo woman, unmarried. My family has been trying to find a match for me for almost 10 years, but nothing has moved so far. A lot of times, I meet a guy, everything seems to be going fine and suddenly, due to no apparent reason, things don’t go ahead.  

There is a guy who is interested in marrying me. We first met through a match-making app 2 years ago, but I said no to him due to two reasons – one, he has a sinful past and two, he was indecisive about getting married to me. 

He recently brought up the topic of marriage again.  I didn’t want to get married to him for the two reasons that I have cited above. 

But now I’m reconsidering it, as I have no option.  I don’t feel much for him, except as a good friend. He is a nice, decent guy now, he believes, isn’t regular in his prayers but has faith and says that he is now a better person (not completely reformed but trying). 

 How do I make a decision? I am not sure I can accept his past – I worry that it’ll come back to haunt me and then it’ll be difficult for me. We are also in different countries now and marrying him would mean having to move back which I don’t want to

I will do istikhara, but I feel like I should do it when I have made a decision in my heart to go ahead. Please help!

ANSWER

Question 7. Wife wants to work

I am reaching out because I don’t know what else I can do to handle the situation with my future wife. Inshallah, I am getting married soon to a woman I deeply value and who has a good heart. However, I am facing several issues. She feels that what I am asking of her is too much. I have told her that it is very important to me that she dresses according to Islamic standards, which she does because she also wants to.

However, when it comes to work, I don’t want her working in a company where men are present. I am against the whole system of companies where, ultimately, you are working for a man because almost all companies are owned by men. I suggested that she pursue something independently or start a business with women. But she says that she needs expertise and still has to work within a company. I have told her that this could disturb the peace we seek in our marriage. 

She feels that since she has studied and invested in other areas, she doesn’t want to do nothing with her qualifications and wants to work in a company, believing she won’t engage in anything inappropriate and will maintain a respectable environment. However, this is something I cannot accept. She feels that I am taking away her independence, even though she does other things like baking cakes and doing henna, which I fully support. 

I have tried to explain to her in kind and Islamic ways that this situation is not acceptable to me. However, since she comes from a family where her mother is the sole breadwinner, she has learned not to rely on a man and to earn her own money in case something goes wrong. When I say that this is something I cannot live with, she feels that I would leave her over any issue, but that’s not true. 

Am I doing something wrong here? What else can I do? What could be helpful for her to understand? May Allah protect you, and I hope to hear from you!

ANSWER

Question 8. Can I wait for a person?

Myself and another person who has been my classmate for 7 years, we are in deep love. I come to know he is good person and he fits me, by seeing his character and behavior, but he is non Muslim, I conveyed him many times convert as muslim then only I can marry you, if not I can’t marry which displeases Allah my decision I said to him, it’s been 2 days I stopped talking with him and I want to cut off this haram relationship and only rely on Allah (Swt) to strengthen him as a Muslim and let our marriage should happen if Allah wills..

I conveyed about our relationship to my parents they denied because of person non Muslim, if he converts my parents do agree insha-allah, ok let me move on I am thinking and sitting in marriage festivities, my heart is not in a condition to accept other man, hope in me making me to wait for that person by making dua..

My age is 29 years, I am having younger sister 2 years older than me, father demised, my mother worrying about my marriage, I am not liking any person to get marry, and my mother not ready to get marry to my sister until I get marry..

I am not understanding what to do, I only have hope in Allah ( Swt) ..What I have to do, shall I wait for that person or get marry to other person.

ANSWER