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Ask the Marriage Counselor (Audio Q/A)

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the session.

Please find the 8 questions to which our counselor will provide audio answers soon. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. Sister

Assalamu Alaikoum,
Jazakum Allah khairane for your website it is very informative.
Here is my problem/ I feel that Allah has abandoned me and I feel extreme hatred towards him because of the injustice I undergo and see every day. My twin sister is the worse individual I know: she is a bully; she humiliates me on a daily basis saying things like your life doesn’t matter, you can commit suicide no one will care about your life, you are ugly, no one loves you; look everyone calls me and knows my name while no one even knows about your existence. Our parents call me and not you (which is true they call her way more often), all the friends and activities we are invited to, are thanks to me because everyone likes me. To be honest, I’ve never noticed all the things she said but once she started pinpointing all the ways she is way better than me, she instilled an unhealthy comparison in my mind. And it is true people really like her because she is really sociable while I am shier.

The reason I hate Allah so much is because he keeps empowering her and helping her grow in influence while she is being the worse kind of human being with me. How can he let her do this? She treats others very well I am the only one suffering from her wrath. I feel like Allah really favors her because she got lots of her duaas answered while I don’t get almost any. I feel abandoned by Him because to me she is undeserving. I try not to answer her and ignore her mean comments because of fear from Allah but for what??? I am not better off compared to her so what’s the point of abiding by all these so-called rules (being generous, being polite, respecting others, being good to others etc.) if at the end we do not gain anything from Allah not even fair treatment. In the Quran, it is said that if you walk to Allah, he will run to you but I have the impression that he only runs toward certain people, that he answers the prayers of the believers but apparently only those of the oppressor. I oblige myself to pray, do dikr, fast extra days not lose an inexistent link with the Creator but to be completely honest I don’t feel anything; I think I am no fit material for this religion. For years I’ve been making duaa to be closer to Him, to not be afflicted by my sister’s behaviors but he doesn’t even accept this basic duaa.

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Question 2. Relationship with parents

When I was a kid, I don’t remember much of how my parents used to treat me, but I remember some incidents which have left a deep impact and to this day hurts me. My dad used to hit me and get angry over little things like watching TV or not knowing the answer to a question which he used to teach me, I couldn’t understand the question because I was crying and neither of my parents bothered to soothe me. I know this is somewhat of a general thing among our generation but it has scarred me to a point where I don’t want to talk to my parents some days and I feel like my mum doesn’t genuinely love me, she just says that she does, because she used to tell me who do I think I am and so many girls around are better than me and even slapped me often.
There are so many things going on through my mind at once that I can’t even process my day-to-day tasks, I’m in my last year of studying medicine but it is affecting my studies a lot, I know that it was their first time being parents and all but I and my siblings were here for the first time too, who were we supposed to go to?


Question 3. Searching for spouse

I am a 31-year-old unmarried woman looking for a spouse for the last 10 years. I don’t want to do a love marriage I want to do an arranged marriage However, this process of arranged marriage is very irritating and lengthy. And more than 3 times it happened that we decided and it went till engagement but suddenly everything stopped. And again, repeating the same with someone new. Every time my family members came up with a new proposal but nothing worked. I don’t have any conditions now I am ready to marry anyone but I don’t know how to find him. Now I am damn serious about it. My younger sister also got married. I am a math teacher just doing my job and house chores. I can talk with boys but don’t keep friendships with them. I have many friends but girls only. I tried to find a spouse on online sites but it didn’t look trustworthy so I stopped. I do not know now what to do. Please help me to come up with a solution.


Question 4. Confused about a proposal

My question is regarding a proposal who I talked to know…He’s a practicing with good akhlaq boy…it’s been 1 and half year but I’m not sure about him. He worries a lot which gives me negative energy and I don’t like his appearance. But he’s insisting and ready to do anything for me …what should I do? He knows the reason I’m rejecting him but still wants me to accept him just for the sake of Allah…What if I couldn’t find anyone like him after rejecting him? Would I be able to love and support him if I agree… I’m really confused and stressed


Question 5. Marriage

I am a single mother. I met a guy who was great in the beginning, but suddenly changed, now we are not in contact. He was interested in me even in marriage from his words but recently his actions did not match with his words.

I did 3 times istakhara, I haven’t seen anything in dream but I could not get him out of my mind either.
Every time I did istakhara, my mom and my brother appear in my dreams. Even yesterday I had a dream with my ex-husband, my mom and my brother.

My family has not contact with me as they are all busy in their lives. I have been living alone for 10 years and would like to get married to avoid zina.

I have a strong feeling that they made a blockage of remarry myself. They even not interested in me and my daughter.

Please help me, I am praying to Allah swt, weeping to him to change my situation and sending this guy to me with nikkah proposal.

What can I do to destroy this blockage?


Question 6. Same situation again

My husband I cannot trust, he enjoys porn and video s*x. He said he is not a practicing Muslim. He also posts vulgar comments online on women profiles stating, that he does not use his real identity and it’s only for fun. This is my second marriage my first husband was involved in these things too and had a very bad death. Me and my kids suffer a lot and know I am again in this situation. I got married so I could follow halal ways and gave up all sins. My current husband told me that he prayed to Allah for me and he used to say he prays and all and I believed but now he has completely changed. I am partially dependent on him financially. But I do not know what to do. I changed for better and does not want to fall into sin that’s why I married him. Now I am so lost. I pray to Allah to change him. Please advice


Question 7. About multiple marriages

Assalam alaikum, I was born in a Muslim family but it’s only been a year since I seriously got closer to Allah and eliminated many bad habits of mine, alhamdulillah. I started wearing hijab too but I still find myself deviating from many practices. I truly want to seek guidance so that I can make myself understand there true meaning and intentions.

I understand that the concept of multiple marriages was introduced during the battles for a very noble reason and I appreciate it. But now, many Muslim men take this as a privilege and they don’t take marriages seriously. It’s been a huge fuss in the society that 4 marriages are allowed in Islamic culture which can somehow degrade the value and importance of marriage in someone’s mind.

Why isn’t it necessary for a man to ask his first wife/wives if he wishes for another marriage? Don’t they deserve to agree on such an important decision which can affect their life?


Question 8. Social anxiety and lost

Hi, growing up I did not have many friends, all the friends I would make would leave me. I was the only child, so I had a great urge to play with others, I always wanted to be around others. Allhamdullah, apart from the lack of friends I had a very good childhood, loving parents, etc., but I always felt lonely, I always played with myself. Growing up it became into anxiety, I still didn’t understand some social clues, and become attached to people I was closed to. The same time, I really started to notice that I was getting away from my deen. I started making female-friends that were very emotional and understood me, and I really didn’t know how to make male friends, and cuz I didn’t wanna be lonely, I didn’t leave those friends. Then I start craving for a relationship making me feel like that would solve all my problems. I would delude myself try to make myself feel socially capable, but the amount of times I have been ignored made me realize that I am in the problem. I do not know what exactly is the problem, I heard is it because I am too friendly, I do not get social hints, and people do not get annoyed, sometimes I am like people should communicate clearly, but people do not, I do not know what love is, but really wanna feel it. I don’t also feel Allah’s love, I feel I am all alone, I feel this is how it is gonna stay like, I wish I can feel Allah, I wish I can be a good Muslim, I wish that I can only rely on Allah, I wish I can have him as my best friend, I wish he gave the strength.


Tuesday, Mar. 05, 2024 | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
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