Dear Brothers and Sisters,

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Check out the 8 questions our counselor just answered. Didn’t see yours? No worries! Join our next session or resubmit your question for another chance to get advice. Stay tuned for more!Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Question 1. Husband Cheated

My husband of 30 years cheated on me with a coworker for more than a year. We have kids. It wasn’t zina he says but they were hanging out outside work and saying “I love you”. I saw the pictures and read messages. There are even videos.  I feel humiliated and insecure because the other girl is younger and “beautiful” according to him. I feel ugly now. My efforts with this marriage feels wasted. He says he will “fix” things and wants his family, that he is sorry and regrets what he did. He cried too. I don’t feel happy and don’t think I can forgive him as he never defended me when his friends and family were insulting my looks in this whole marriage. He just stays quiet or looks the other way and continues being best buddies with these people who insulted me right in front of him. He never gives me emotional support yet he sweet talks this girl? It’s so suffocating to see him daily at home and he won’t leave or give me space. Everytime I remember him crying so I try forgiving him but then I get triggered by the pictures and messages and videos and the images of the other girl. He even insulted the way I practiced the deen even when his character was bad. He has double standards and is a hypocrite. What should I do? 

Question 2. Want to Get Married

I’m in a relationship with a man.he is 21 years old and I’m 20. Both of us want to get married and we know it is haram to continue a relationship so we broke up. I want to get married with him now cause I’m so much attached with him and I also have desires. But he doesn’t want to get married now cause he doesn’t have any work and money and he wants me to give him time. But I’m in love with him and I’m attached with him so much that it is quite impossible for me to live without him. Also he is tense about how he will give my expenses. I told him that he dont need to give me any expenses because I will live with my parents. And both of our parents wont give us permission to get married now also he is the elder son of his family. What should both of us do in this situation? 

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Question 3. Marriage

I am a non-Muslim woman. I met an Arab single man 7 years ago who was living with his parents until he got married. When I met him it was friendly with no intentions for anything more. I know the culture and knew we could never be a thing. One thing led to another and we have been in a relationship for 6 1/2 yrs out of the 7 years. I felt our relationship was holding him back from marrying the person his family wanted him to marry so I decided to end things with him. He got engaged, we started back up again but I didn’t know he was engaged. He then got married and again, he never told me. 2 months after his marriage he reached out and we saw each other as we normally do. He would always say he was scared to get married because he knew he wouldn’t feel for his wife what he feels for me. I found out he was married because the next day his wife texted my phone to tell me to leave her husband alone. I did but he won’t leave me alone. I have not seen him again since she reached out to me. But he has been trying to see me. I’ve explained to him things are different now. He seems to think he can convince his wife to have me as the second wife and has expressed so many feelings to me but I refuse to be the mistress. He wants the benefits without doing things the right way. We have an extremely electrifying connection so it is a struggle to not see him but I have been struggling with making him understand that because of his new circumstance we can’t just go back to how things used to be. Plus as a man there are certain ways he should be going about this that he is trying to bypass. I’m talking about taking care of me like he takes care of his wife. I am not sure how I should be feeling about all of this and handling it. Thank you for your time.

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Question 4. Problems with Husband

I’ve been married for 10 years to my husband with 3 children. He can be nice when he wants to but has a lot of anger issues, he’s always finding faults in me. Whenever he comes home I dread it because he will complain or criticize me and the house. He goes out in the morning and returns late nights claiming he has a busy job. He has never for once made time for family outings or shopping with the kids. He has a lot of money and pays for expensive holidays for me and the kids, but we always fight before and after those trips. Most times he doesn’t travel with us. He’s always fighting with his mom and siblings over different things. I used to complain and cry a lot towards his treatment of me, but now I don’t feel any anger or pain towards his actions. I prayed to Allah to take him out of my heart if he’s not hair for me. And now I’m numb towards him. I don’t want the marriage again because his behavior is not something he can change. He doesn’t like me visiting my parents or siblings. He just wants me to stay home or do things within his command, he doesn’t consider my happiness or needs. He’s very rich but doesn’t spend as per his earnings, he provides enough food and needs for the house but nothing extra. We never have heartfelt conversations because he says he doesn’t like talking too much with me, but is always on the phone. He says he’ll never divorce me and would rather take another wife when he’s tired of me. My kids always ask me why he always shouts at me. We don’t have any form of friendship or connection towards each other, all he wants is to sleep with me at his will and doesn’t care about my satisfaction. I can’t even touch or hug him during the day without him pushing me away. We can never sit as a couple to make decisions on our home or kids affairs with him getting angry about my views. So he needs to always make decisions with his friends or family. I got married young and I regret it because I thought he was a good man with a strong Deen. But I later found out he was a womaniser too. I want this marriage to end but I don’t know how. Everybody from the outside thinks I live a perfect life because I never tell anyone what I’m going through and I don’t complain. So they see us always going for holidays and him always living lavish and people around define that as happiness. But I’m miserable and it’s affecting my relationship with my kids.

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Question 5. I lost my love for my wife

Assalamualaikum, I am a practicing Muslim man from Pakistan and four years back I married my wife. We have a daughter and I adore her. When I married my wife it was an arranged marriage and I didn’t get to know my wife well. I didn’t ask about her past and I expected her to be a pious and chaste woman.Now after a few years a new man joined the same company I work in. While hanging out with the colleagues we were having fun banter and some of them started boasting about their girlfriends. This new guy started doing the same and he showed us the pics of all his girlfriends and he showed me the pic of my wife. No colleague knows my wife because she is a niqabi.

I was taken aback and frozen when he showed me her picture. I later went home and confronted her and asked her if she had a boyfriend. I know this is haraam but I was too emotional and always not thinking straight, she denied first and accepted when I pressured her. It has been 2 months and since then I have been sleeping separately. I don’t talk to her and I don’t like to eat the food cooked by her and Ifeel like my marriage is over. I don’t have it in me to forgive her. I can’t divorce her and I can’t live with her. I lost the love I once had for her.

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Question 6. My wife’s past is bothering me. Please help me.

Firstly I know that Allah forgives sins but that doesn’t change the fact that a sin happened. I married my now wife under the condition that she didn’t have a haram relationship before now. After 2 years of marriage and a child I got to know that she had 3 boyfriends before and would be regularly intimate with them. It bothers me, I was a virgin man. I wanted to be the first love of my wife and my wife to be my first love. The feeling of love and compassion is gone from my marriage. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. I feel like killing myself. I wish I had girlfriends before marriage so that the promiscuity of my wife didn’t bother me much. She may be a better Muslim than me but the thought of her being intimate with other people before me is killing me. If Allah allowed zina then why was I not allowed to do it? Why did I save myself before marriage only to be deceived?

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Question 7. Miscarriage

Assalamualaikum, I had a second miscarriage of six months in the period of 1 and half years, am finding it difficult to let go of the issue and fear of falling into depression.

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Question 8. How to continue in this life?

I am 24 and exhausted. At age 23 I realized that I was neglected and abused as a child which resulted in many of the issues I bear today (CTPSD). My mother appears to have narcissistic personality disorder, and my father abandoned us after my parents got divorced when I became a teen. I feel like an orphan though my parents are still alive. Currently, I cannot keep close contact with my mother because she is still abusive, my 5 siblings are all living in their own worlds (due to abuse we suffered), and I don’t have people in my life who I can go to for emotional support. I have no financial support from anyone and I can’t find a job after graduating college. I have chronic illnesses and I can’t afford therapy let alone vitamins and basic necessities. I struggle to keep my prayers consistently because of my chronic fatigue, though one of my most sad duaas is to become an establishment of prayer (my biggest goal in life right now). I am grateful to Allah and I think good of Allah. I even like the person I am, I am just exhausted by my life circumstances to the point of depression. If I had financial support many of my issues would be solved. I don’t know what to do besides working hard everyday to fix my prayers.

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