Dear brothers and sisters,

Thanks for participating in the session.

Please find the 9 questions to which our counselor provided audio answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. How to behave around him?

Asalam Alaikum, I work at the musjid and I developed a crush on one of the brothers there. I’ve been asking Allah to rid me of these feelings, so I can focus on tasks and bettering myself, but they keep coming back on and off.

He has the tendency to stare at me here and there, but at some point I assumed him and another sister liked each other and I tried to suffocate my feelings and mind my own business. She doesn’t hide her feeling for him, anyone who pays attention can see that she cares and looks up to him a lot.

Every time I feel like I’m moving on something happens and he comes back into my life someway somehow. As of lately, him, the other sister, and I have been working together. He tends to compliment my work a lot and say my name repetitively, which makes me shy. I don’t want to laugh or accidentally overstep my boundaries, so I do shut down in those moments because I’m stuck in my head.

I keep telling myself he could never like me due to our different backgrounds, him and the other sister would look good together since they are from the same place, and he could just be one of those men who can’t talk to the woman they like comfortably and that’s why he doesn’t speak to the other sister often.

I’m so much in my head that my insecurities can’t help but come to the surface. I feel sad every time I see him. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but the fact that I am unsure of his feelings for me are the reason why I’m constantly anxious. I really want to move on and stop overthinking. Please advise me, Jazakallah khayr!

Question 2. My girlfriend past who I want to marry in the future

Salam I’m lost in situation that’s out of my control and I don’t know what to do, my non-Muslim girlfriend who is a Christian I’ve been dating for 8 months now has had a bad past with a quite few men and one of them being a cousin in the past before me. Me and this girl met stayed as friends and we caught feelings really fast, before we started getting serious and she told me about the situation of my cousin and the other men. I ignored it even though my cousin was talking bad about her and also told one of the other men that was in her past which is he mates with. He started doing the same behind mine and her back, and until 6 months into the relationship my cousin finally accepted the fact I’m with her but still didn’t want me to His mate still talks about her and me to this day talking bad about her and me and I don’t know what to do because I haven’t had a past with any girl and I don’t know if Islamically if this is right to be with her cos my intentions is to marry her as soon as possible because she has ticked all the boxes but only thing is that’s affecting me is her past because I’m getting spoken bad about for being with her and we have had these questions and we’ve always came back to each other and I don’t know if it’s right that I should marry her because of her past with my cousin and Islamically is this acceptable?

Question 3. My father & my marriage

Asalaam ,

I got married in December last year but the process of my nikkah was not how I would ever imagine it would be.

It was the most stressful month of my life because my father did not want to give us his blessing and preparations were delayed.

My husband and his side of the family were already doing so much planning while my side nothing was promised and my relationship was on thin ice with my father because of this.

I did not get my dream nikkah that I have fanaticized about forever. I did not get the opportunity to have a proper sit down about mehr or wedding plans it was as if the wedding was planned for me. I had no proposal or engagement we got straight to the actual nikkah.

Like I said, my father did not want to give his blessing yet because he said I was too young and to wait a couple more years. I was stubborn and felt pressured to challenge him to give me his blessing at the expense of his feelings. He eventually agreed on giving his blessing to get engaged first and to get to know each other more before going ahead with the nikkah. I was very happy about this it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders that my father and I could come to an agreement and id have more time to have the nikkah of my dreams.

However, my husband at the time did not like this at all he was very upset and said that he will never forgive me for disappointing him gaslighting me saying how does he face his family or repay them for all the stuff they bought already. I felt so pressured and conflicted. I did not want to go against my dad’s wishes because we came to a reasonable agreement and I also did not want to disappoint anyone else.

On this same day, the point of my husband being at our house that day was to ask for my hand in marriage and convince my dad that his FIRST born will be taken care of and he did not say anything at all I was doing the most talking and convincing. I was convincing my father on his behalf which also made my father come to the conclusion that he did of getting engaged first.

I was so stupid and stubborn to go ahead with the nikkah and I had really messed up my relationship with my father because of this.

It was a terrible experience.

I had no support with dress fititings and wedding planning I was completely alone and stressed the whole entire process

My father has forgiven us alhamdulilah and has accepted out marriage now but now that we are living together, I can’t help but feel so much resentment towards my husband. My mental health isn’t the best right now because I’m doing so much reflection of that time in my life.

Some of his actions and the things he has said to me has really made me wonder if he married me for the right reasons or purely out of fear of someone else asking for my hand.

I am starting to wonder if it really was a wise decision marrying him because if he loved me as much as he says why would he gaslight me into getting married and going against my father’s wishes.

Why would he care more about his parents feeling disappointed about us getting married than my relationship with my father (my father and my sister are the only family I have ever had in my life and he knows how dear they are to my heart)

If he really loved me and wanted to be with me, why did he rush the process and not think about what I deserve or my wants and needs why did he not think about making it extra special for me and why did he get upset if I wasn’t ready anymore.

I am unable to enjoy my marriage anymore and put a lot of effort into my marriage after thinking about everything in depth. I am considering a divorce but I don’t know what to do because he treats me really well but some things are red flags.

I am making dua and asking the almighty for guidance everyday

I’m scared to talk to my father or sister about this.

Question 4.  I feel unattractive to a girl without hijab who I am planning to marry

I met a girl on a social platform. We talked for a while and realized that we are a good match for each other. We met once in a public place, and she looked good to me while wearing a hijab. We are planning to marry, and I will soon send a proposal to her family through my family. I am just waiting to sort out a few financial things. I have asked her to keep our conversations extremely relevant, as we are still na-mehram to each other. Through our conversations, I can feel that she is really inclined towards me and has grown a lot of affection for me. I have also committed that we will marry, In Shaa Allah. She seems like a good match for me, and our values perfectly align with each other. We share similar views on almost everything. She is a religious girl, and I am a God-fearing person too.

Recently, she sent me her picture without hijab, and she looked like a totally different person to me. I have never seen her without hijab, and she didn’t look attractive to me at all.

Now, I am confused about whether I should really pursue this relationship, as I feel I am not physically attracted to her. She meets all the other requirements I have for my future spouse. She would be devastated if she knew I think of her like this. I really like her as a person, but I didn’t expect to have such a strong reaction to her looks.

Please advise.

Question 5. My husband is bored of our marriage

My husband says he has bored of our marriage and he also has another wife. He told he is unhappy and bored with. He says that neither one of us together can take care of his problem and that he is constantly needing a release so now he thinks he needs someone Like a friends with benefits, no strings attached relationship. Scared to hurt both of us Even though both of us, his wives have both said we don’t agree and don’t want this.

Question 6. Why can’t I just let go of my ex-fiance

Asalam Aliekoum,
I was engaged two years ago. Before meeting her, I felt my life starting go in the wrong direction, like having anxiety in regards to my deen.
I was ecstatic when I was talking with her and when she agreed to move forward.
Unfortunately, everything ended few months later.
I feel I deserved it with the sinful habits I was struggling with.
I haven’t talked with her since the day she ended things. I was too shy to ask why, is there a way we can try to resolve issues, etc.
Every time I saw her, I get frustrated, and try to avoid her seeing me.
I still want to go back and try to work things out with her. Yet I am too scared to go back and try to ask out of fear or rejection, and family drama again.
My family has had issues with previous marriage dealings.
I have tried speaking with other potentials; however, my ex-fiancé just keeps coming back in my end. I stopped seeing others because of fear, family drama and
uncertainty. It’s all or nothing. Either my ex-fiancé or no one at all.
I don’t know how to proceed anymore.

Queston 7. Want to divorce a mentally ill spouse

Salam, I am currently in an almost 10 year. Marriage . I met my spouse when I was visiting home and we got married a year later. I live in the US and it was able to provide My husband with A green card. Things were going well and he was able to come here in time for our childbirth. The beginning was going fine, but then towards a couple months, I noticed that the stressors of living here started to get him. He’s not a bad person, but he also struggles with his issues. Family members may not marry him, but I love him we did and I made this up for a lot to show me a sign. I know his life has been, but it has not been reciprocated. He became annoyed with me, criticizing my duties as a wife, financially abusive, where once I wanted to continue school, he tried to manipulate me and stated that I should cancel the school and then when I got pregnant after graduating, I took time off and he would constantly get angry about spending money on me. After a few years he started to continue to get worse, criticizing how I dress and because we moved out of state due to him wanting to work somewhere else I’ll became depressed with two children another state. I remember a time where both of the children were crying and he coughed and walked away after he noticed that I was crying as well. I sacrificed a lot, making sure that I maintain independence, even if I was still a wife and doing my wife duties. He was built on survival and one of our problems were mainly money. He was spend money recklessly and would actually get jealous because I save up money to buy a car that I liked. Since then, we continue to have issues with finances him trying to make me spend money on bills I refused. He then threatened to go back home alone to visit during an argument. I went to my parents place after he criticized me. I told him not to announce his visit because of family members who are practicing witchcraft. But he did. This resulted in him being afflicted by Sihr. I was already drained from the marriage and spent five months with him to try to get him treated. His family was not supportive, and so I came back to the states and have been going through this for almost 3 years of his treatment. Finally, he is doing well, but my heart trained constantly supporting him and being an emotional support for him, but never felt like it was reciprocated. Now he miraculously believes I am such a great wife, but I feel like this life is that he is trying to have when he comes back is fake because I was never appreciated in the beginning. I want divorce But I’ve gone too much for the kids. I don’t think I can handle the mental trauma that he has been through, and I don’t want to continue to live a life where I don’t feel happy. I feel no sense of attraction, although we haven’t seen each other and even throughout our marriage, I did not really feel much sexual satisfaction. What is anyone’s advice on this situation? I finally feel more happier although there were challenges while he was gone but having that feeling of him coming back makes me want to announce a divorce. He has been through a lot of mental trauma from this sickness and is relying on me to support him. I don’t want to have more children with him and focus on the what ifs. Some of my family and friends states that he may change coming back but o feel like it is a fake life and I don’t want to act like a family just to divorce again. Am I wrong for feeling like this? I feel like I am now appreciated after going through hell and there will be a honeymoon period only for him to change back his ways. He cares a lot about money and barely cared about his health working long hours and stated that it was better to work long hours than to spend time with us his family. Why should I be there to clean up the pieces?

Question 8. Marital Issue

I’m married to this man for two years. He is an entrepreneur and I’m also a working woman. He had a bad habit of chatting with girls way before that I knew as I worked with him. He got married to a woman who was 4 years older than him and had a son with her. But this woman was very controlling and had no ikhlaq with her in laws and nobody liked her. My husband had been suffering with her as she wanted to control his life but as things got worse, he divorced her as soon as the ir baby arrived. The main reasons were this woman and her father wanted my husband to leave his family and live with her wife’s family forever in exchange of which they offered him a luxurious car etc which my husband denied as he couldn’t live without his parents.

Then after 5 months of his divorce he was very depressed as he missed his son as well so his mother knew me already and she proposed me on his behalf, on the other hand my husband also realized that he wanted a working woman like me as a wife and not someone who stays at home and make up scenarios in mind all the time. I knew about his chatting addiction but I saw change sin his behavior because of this toxic relationship and divorce so I thought he is a better person now.
After 4/5 months of marriage I saw him chatting with his school mates, I do know he has a very big circle and I’m not narowe minded so I don’t bother about him talking to females, but these messages that I saw by chance were a bit inappropriate. However those his friends knows about his marriage. I confronted him and he was sorry about it. Then this happened twice and thrice with different new women. Some of those were not even his relatives or friends but some random strangers. I felt bad but I always used to talk to him kindly about it and how it’s affecting our marriage. I do know that he hasn’t met any of them or it was not a proper affair with promises and love assurances, but it was something that made me insecure and uncomfortable.

Now recently I caught my husband talking to his brother’s wife as an stranger with a different identity. We live in a joint family and this sister in-law lives with us too. She is attractive and fair skin and she has two little kids too. Her husband loves her and they had a love marriage. In the chats my husband texted her with an unknown new number and started praising her the way he has never praised me. He has been trying to do sexting with her but the woman is only interested in lovey dovey conversations and avoids sexting. But she has sent him her intimate pictures as she just want to listen about her beauty. I am in shock reading all of this and also conversations of him with other women just for passing time, one thing I do know that he’s just addicted to it, he is a very busy man but finds time to do all of this stuff. He blocked oall of these woman on my confrontation and was very guilty of what I read. He said he don’t want to lose me but I know he has no control over his habit and he will do it again. Please suggest if I should leave him or what else should I do to make him overcome this habit.
JazakAllah khayr

Question 9. How to prove loyalty before marriage

I love this guy and he claims to as well. There have been many issues where once I’ve had to lie due to a promise I made to someone where I had to say wallah I will not even mention that basics of it and once where I had to do something which he did not like. I used to post my face on social media and growing up wasn’t always a hijabi or wore the most modest clothes while they were not revealing they were a bit tight. I maybe revealed to much about my past to him and I gave him my Instagram login once because I wanted him to see I am not talking to anyone. When he did that he saw 1 year and 6 months old chat between a guy and me.Honestly, I never ever understood at the time what that guy was saying was inappropriate. I was a bit stupid and take resposibility but after seeing all that he got angry and left me. I asked him, I told him I have changed now, so I deleted social media completely. I have replanted a lot since then the chat was from 2022. He is a strong believer that once someone does something they always go back to it but I’m so so sure I will not. But now he is scared and he is not wiling to marry me. I am willing to do anything to convince him. I will not do that stupidity because I know what I did was wrong and how. How can I convince him?